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I’m married (12 yrs) with two children. I’ve recently found out my husband has gambled away ALOT of money which I had no idea about. Over the past four months I have received a lot of mail daily in his name and also my name. All the letters are from loan companies demanding payment or from each of our car finance companies saying your dd has been cancelled. I / we are now in debt and i don’t know how how to get out of it?  My husband has consolidated most of his? with  a debt company but I’ve been left to deal with mine alone. 
My husband has taken out a lot to debt in my name. He works in financial  services which means I can’t report as fraud or he would loose his job. I have been told there’s a way I can clear the debts without reporting fraud? Can anyone help? Is it normal for my husband to show no remorse and be angry which he’s been with me. 
 I’m not coping well not sleeping and trying to keep on a level and look after the children and now all the finances.
Hi Amy Your husband has to have a desire to stop gambling before the help provided by Gamblers Anonymous can be effective. If he has no desire to stop and help himself, there is little that can be done. Whether or not he seeks the help of Gamblers Anonymous, your main job at this point is to protect yourself and the children. Suggest you seek out the help of Gamanon to accomplish that. Gamanon is the companion program to Gamblers Anonymous that is specifically for the family and friends of the compulsive gambler. Helps them understand the disease and the gambler better. Above all, Gamanon will help you protect yourself and the children. There are Gamanon meetings all over England. Check out their website. Find the nearest one and just show up. No reservations needed. Wish you and the children the best. Lew B. Woodbury Monday Night
Second what Lew B has said...

Does he have a desire to stop gambling? Maybe you could show him this site and check out where his nearest GA meeting would be?

Keep in touch..

Smartie xx
Hi Amy,
Unfortunately your story isn't unusual for compulsive gamblers. I myself did something similar. My wife and I went and contacted the police together to explain what had happened. It took a while but eventually I ended up with a conviction for fraud and the debts got cleared. My wife didn't want me home afterwards because of the trust issues, having to go to the police, everything I guess. We did eventually work it out until I did it again ad that proved too much for her.
In my experience, if you don't do anything then you will continue to be a bank for his gambling. It's not normal for someone caught in the act to be angry at the person catching them, but that is a reflection on him.
The two first steps are that he has to want to get help, and you also have to look after yourself. Find someone you can talk to and explain your situation so that you aren't carrying around all your mixed feelings on your own.
I only want the right thing for someone, him and you, but if he needs to hit rock bottom to get help, then so be it.
Don't be held to ransom or excuses, do the right thing for yourself.
Thank you for your support. The letters have calmed down (I think?) I’m very worried I’m been abit trusting.?? I let him take my bank card to the shops. I’ve recently thought as he’s not showing me the receipts he could be getting cash back?? My question is how can he get hold of money or how can I stop the money been available to him ??? I can see what’s going out of the account but is he just been clever ??? and I’m been a mug ???
(23-08-2019, 12:35 PM)Chris_b Wrote: [ -> ]Hi Amy,
Unfortunately your story isn't unusual for compulsive gamblers. I myself did something similar. My wife and I went and contacted the police together to explain what had happened. It took a while but eventually I ended up with a conviction for fraud and the debts got cleared. My wife didn't want me home afterwards because of the trust issues, having to go to the police, everything I guess. We did eventually work it out until I did it again ad that proved too much for her.
In my experience, if you don't do anything then you will continue to be a bank for his gambling. It's not normal for someone caught in the act to be angry at the person catching them, but that is a reflection on him.
The two first steps are that he has to want to get help, and you also have to look after yourself. Find someone you can talk to and explain your situation so that you aren't carrying around all your mixed feelings on your own.
I only want the right thing for someone, him and you, but if he needs to hit rock bottom to get help, then so be it.
Don't be held to ransom or excuses, do the right thing for yourself.
Amy,
Compulsive gamblers will always find a way to get hold of money. I wouldn't even let him have the card, as you have already mentioned, he could get cashback, and you might not see it for a few days.
I would concentrate on keeping your money as secure as possible, so if you do look after the money ensure a receipt. if he's got nothing to hide there won't be a problem. I think I promised my wife so many times it would be different, and at the time I believed it, but as soon as I had money I was back gambling, and nothing was good enough to stop me, until I went to GA and I had enough of what gambling did to me. Not my wife or kids, but me. It's a really bad addiction and behind the addict is normally a decent person, but until he gets help, I wouldn't trust him at all, because i wouldn't trust myself.
Remember, what ever happens or whatever is said, it's not your fault. It's the addicts place to accept responsibility for their actions and the consequences of their gambling.
I would also do a credit check on yourself to find out the extent of what's been taken out in your name, just so there aren't any surprises around the corner.What you choose to do with the loans in your name is up to you, but the option is you or he pay them, you don't and your credit rating gets affected, or you explain to the loan companies the situation but then the police will have to be involved for fraud purposes. That will at least take the debt away from you.
Not a good situation for anyone to go through.
Good luck.
Thank you.

I feel I have to give my husband some responsibility, he says I treat him like an employee or a teenager .
I can’t do right from wrong ?? I feel he hates me and I feel after 4 months it’s twisted and now it’s all my fault. He did it for us, for the house. When I’m sorting kids it’s easy to say “can u pop and get this etc) I haven’t seen gambling on our online banking , could he go into a shop and I would no nothing ??? Sorry I’m really rubbish but not a clue how he can access without my knowledge ???? Driving me insane turning me ill and it’s only four months in. I feel sick everyday when I open my eyes I think what’s coming today. He is going to GA just no other help out there for his mental state. He went missing and slept in the car over summer. He came back n slept all day and wasn’t right. He is extremely depressed I know he is on tablets but there’s no help out there. He doesn’t want my support he talks to me like an animal. ??? I don’t think I can continue with him talking to me like this anymore but I’m holding the family together and feel I’m in a game that I will not win.
My family went through much the same sadly with this illness...

They often remind me they needed support as much as i did....which is why they found it useful to approach Gam-anon (the sister organisation of GA) and received counselling themselves to help make the best choices....

Maybe food for thought?

Smartie xx
Hello again Amy You obviously need help and support asap. So like Smartie said above and I said in my original post to you, why not try out Gamanon? Everything to gain and nothing to lose. Gamanon exists to help and support people just like you. How can Gamanon help you, you ask? Well, whatever story you tell them, guaranteed that they have heard it before and they know what actions to take that are in the best interests of you and the children. You see, experience is a great teacher. Wish you and the children all the best. Lew B-Woodbury Monday Night
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