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Afternoon All,

This is my first time on the forum and I have never attended any meetings etc.

Late last summer, my gambling started to get out of control (August / September time). My stakes rose significantly, initially I saw Xk of winnings hit my account and everything was rosy, I honestly thought this would continue.

By Christmas, I had spent all of that £Xk on gambling and was Xk into my overdraft with a maxed out Xk CC and no money for my bills. It was at this point I opened up to my fiance and safe to say she was devastated - we were meant to be saving for a wedding.

I stopped for 3 months, before selfishly attending Cheltenham with my father, gambling £XX on the day. I then desperately tried to get this money back, and lost another £Xk on a CC my fiance didn't know about. 

I opened up to my parents in April when I was at breaking point, and they cleared the £Xk secret CC for me.

I then refrained from gambling again until September at which point I started to gamble on my CC again, I had paid my overdraft off and my CC was down to £Xk. I am now sat here, with a maxed out overdraft and an over balance CC and feel like there is no hope of ever turning this around.

I seem to be my own worst enemy with this one.

I am not posting this for pity but I just want to get it all out there to people who might be going through something similar, as it has been a very lonely year so far.
Hi Can't Stop,

Welcome to the forum, and well done for taking positive action to make a change in your life. the figures have been removed from the post, and the longer into recovery you get, you may come to realise that figures are irrelevant once gambling has crossed into compulsive gambling.

Secrets kept me gambling for years, it's such a relief to live my life now without the worry about who I'd lied to and what I'd lied about.

If you haven't already, please take a look for your nearest meeting, the only requirement for membership is a desire to stop gambling.

In Unity

Simmo
Thanks for sharing can't stop...

Stopping gambling was always easy for me.  I'd declare i'd no longer gamble.....only to find a reason, justification, lie etc to start again...

It wasn't until I accepted that I was seriously ill and started looking at various treatments ( yes....including GA) that things started to turn around....

I did it in baby steps i remember....finding out my nearest GA meeting was the first step....getting there the next....but i did the first so i could have a chance at the second...

Keep in touch

Smartie xx
Thanks Both.

Still been a struggle since my initial post and I have gambled since. Going to find my nearest GA today.
All the best and let us know how it goes...

Smartie xx
Hi

I use to think that Gambling controlled my life.
The simple fact I understand that I turned to gambling when I could not cope with people life and situations.
By attending meetings I would see that I was like a rat in a wheel going faster and faster getting nowhere.
That my addictions and obsessions indicated how vulnerable I was with in myself.
That my addictions and obsessions were just the symptoms that I was emotionally vulnerable.
By getting lots of easy money would not help me feel successful in myself.
Money was just the fuel for my addiction.
If you take my money away from me did not heal that hurt inner child.
I am a non religious person.
Yet I do understand that my own conscience is based up on spiritual values.
When I told lies, I was getting more and more vulnerable and my fears were growing.
For me today I do not want or need to lie.
I use to laugh at people saying that honesty is the best policy, what did that mean any way.
With out lies my fears reduced, with out lies I stopped hurting myself and other people.
When I go against my own conscience I hurt myself and I hurt other people.
The instant I say to myself who cares any way I am giving up all faith and hope in myself.
The recovery program is just about just for today, in staying focused on my needs my wants and my goals I am more committed towards myself.
The recovery program working just for today I am not living in the past yet I am learning from it.
All the time I was focused on other people was not focused on myself.
Many people think or feel that an apology is about who is right or wrong.
In time I would learn that an an apology is about repairing and healing relationships.
I understand today that the addictions and obsessions were a form of me escaping in my fears.
That my addictions and obsessions were just the symptoms that I was emotionally vulnerable.
That my life was emotionally unmanageable long before my addictions and obsessions came in to play.
It is the very first bet that I need to avoid.
By being in the recovery program I am not alone.
I am a part of a team with like minded people.
The recovery program is about healing my hurt inner child.
Any person non religious or religious can find a healthy recovery if you are willing to put as much time and energy in to my recovery as I put in to my addictions obsessions and other unhealthy habits.
How much do I value myself today.
Can I become a selfish person today, can make my recovery the most important thing in my life today.
Walking in to the recovery program did I do it for myself.
Did my yeses to twenty questions change as I got more honest with myself.
Do I relate to other peoples therapies today.
Do I see and feel for other people today.
Each day I have a list on the lists are my needs my wants and even new goals.
I have gone from feeling useless and worthless to being a person I am proud of being today.
Feeling successful is down to healthy actions and healthy words towards other people and towards myself.
The choice is all mine today.
Love and peace to every one.

Dave L

AKA Dave of Beckenham