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Full Version: The recovery program helped me reduce fears, helped me make healthier choices dailly
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I use to feel so helpless and I had given up all faith and hope in myself.

In time by being in the recovery program I would understand that my addictions and my obsessions were a form of escape from people life and situations I could not with emotionally.

I felt that gambling controlled my life, that was not true.

That my gambling addiction was a form of escape which was fear based.

With each lie, with each deception I caused more pain to myself and more fears and felt I could not be honest to myself or other people.

When I read step one I read it that my life was unmanageable because of my addictions and my obsessions.

Being in the recovery program I found that my fears were a consequence of pains caused up on me long before my addictions and my obsessions came in to my life.

Being with like minded people who wanted to be come healthy and whole would require me to put more effort in to my recovery than I put in to my addictions and my obsessions.

That being in the meetings was important to my survival and would help me become healthy and reduce my fears.

Did I enjoy living in fear, did I enjoy causing myself and other pains.

I am not a religious person yet I do understand that my conscience was based up on spiritual values.

I did not know or understand that when I walked in to the recovery I was emotionally traumatized like a rat in a corner with no way out of my situations.

While I was consumed by my addictions and my obsessions I would escape people life and situations I could not cope with.

By handing over my finances was a big help to my recovery, the money was the fuel for my addiction, yet by taking away the money was not going to stop me from trying to escape in other ways.

Money was never going to solve my emotional vulnerability.

In time I would see myself as a rat in a wheel going faster and faster getting no where healthy.

Just for today became my focus, just for today I will not gamble was a boundary I would set for myself each day, gambling became the very last thing I wanted to do.

I got in to the habit of talking in more depth when I felt emotionally vulnerable.

Using the telephone was a healthy habit, no matter what was going on in my life, by me gambling would make things much worse and even more painful.

No one was going to stop me gambling that was going to be my healthy daily choice.

By going to the recovery program would reduce my fears as I got more and more honest.

I use to feel such aloner, I felt like I did not belong.

I use to feel so inadequate so insecure, I felt I could not trust other people or myself.

I could not trust myself with money, I did not know how to celebrate, I could not compliment myself, the feelings I had towards myself was that I was a complete waste of time and energy.

No matter when my last bet was it was important to go to meetings.

No matter if I had no money for collection go to meetings.

The simple fact I could not do a healthy recovery on my own, by seeing and hearing other people like myself I would identify what was a healthy habit and what was unhealthy habits.

The ideal situation is to be emotionally detached from all unhealthy habits.

When I first abstained from my addictions and my obsessions I wanted to escape in other ways, computer games, television, so by working my recovery I would no longer feel bored, I would no longer want to run away from myself and my life.

How much time and effort am I willing to put in to my recovery today.

Do I write down my needs each day, do I write down my wants each day, do I write down my goals each day.

I have not gambled in some time so why go to meetings, because I still want to procrastinate, in time I would find out that I lived with so many fears, by being in my recovery I would face my fears and in time my fears and my self doubts would reduce to very low levels.

The recovery program will not control my life, the recovery program will help me make healthier choices on a daily basis.

The recovery program helped me heal my hurt inner child.

The recovery program helped me reduce my fears, helped me make healthier choices in everyday situations.

The recovery program helped me become more productive, helped me to trust myself once more, it helped me it helped me reduce my anger, it helped me to be the best person I can be each day.

Love and peace to everyone.

Dave L

AKA dave of Beckenham.