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Full Version: I use to fear questions I use to fear being honest today I am an open book
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Before my recovery I use to fear people giving me advice, I thought that were trying to control me and regulate me.

I use to fear being honest, as a child when ever I was honest I was punished one way or another.

The spiritual recovery program helped me understand that I was not an evil person, that I was not a bad person, the healthier people spiritual in the recovery program helped me to understand more about myself.

It was possible for me just to sit and listen and hear the therapies how people use to be but more importantly to understand how much potential there was in me if I willing to invest more time and energy in to healthy habits.

Fear not only limited me but it stunted me from having healthy interactions with all other people over time.

The healthy people in the spiritual recovery program helped me understand that I was only emotionally vulnerable.

That in truth I was a survivor because of all the painful experiences I had survived during my life.

One day I did an inventory of just my body, there was a cut with 6 stitches due to a knife wound, that was a cut from a broken bottle, there was leg broken in several places, yet none of these wounds had the unhealthy impact of my emotional abuse experiences, there was neglect due to my parents carrying a lot of pains from their past.

Sadly I had been a victim on several occasions I experienced emotional abuse, I had experienced sexual abuse, I had experienced physical abuse, and had not healed from those times.

Even in knowing how painful those experiences of abuse were I use to dump on other people when I thought I could get away with it.

So at what point do we no longer lash out due to the pains of our past, at what point do we heal the hurt inner child.

The spiritual recovery program helped me talk about my experiences, it was about money and gambling at first and then over time we talk about our feelings and our emotions, we start to understand when we are emotionally vulnerable and talk things out with a trusted person.

With more therapies the fears reduce and our trust grows, I started to understand what anger was, I started to get more patient and tolerant with myself, I started to trust myself first of all, then I started to trust other people.

With step five it was very much about over coming my fears of emotional intimacy.

Talking and sharing was empowering, how honest I could would be dependant on my fears.

The spiritual recovery program helped me understand that the person who walked in to recovery day one is not the person I am today.

The spiritual recovery program helped me understand that I should live completely in today, by healing the pains of the past those fears would reduce in me, to no longer fear today or tomorrow, but to embrace every exereince when things go pear shaped we understand that our steel and our recovery is being tested once more.

The spiritual recovery program helped me understand that life is ever changing, it is about growth, it is about healing and becoming more and whole with in myself.

Before my recovery I use to focus and think that happiness and being successful would come from money or material things.

To change from with in comes about how we change about our self internally.

That true happiness is about inner contentment.

Any thing went missing my instant reaction was it was some one else, that instant was a very unhealthy reaction.

Wanting to or needing to blame other people is much less as I got healthier in myself.

Being accountable is not about beating people up, by owning from my mistakes and unhealthy ways I can learn to not do them any more.

There was a time I thought that the recovery program was going to control my life, how wrong could I have been, the recovery program was going to help me understand the full potential that I have with in myself.

The recovery program was going to help me understand what is healthy and what is unhealthy in my life and how to change things for the better.

On me walking in to the recovery program was empowering for me, yet I did not know it as so.

The recovery program was going to open up my eyes to living my life with out my addictions my obsessions and being able to live my life today with out any fears.

Love and peace to everyone

Dave L

AKA Dave of Beckenham