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Full Version: For me recovery is a healing process, I needed to open up more to heal.
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Hi

For me recovery is a healing process, yet I could only heal once I admitted to myself I was in pain.

I needed to open up more this would happen through my honest therapies.

It was very simple reduce  my fears and my trust would grow in the recovery rooms.

It took me along time to heal.

The addictions and obsessions were a way of me escaping people life and situations.

The addictions and obsessions were just the symptoms of my emotional vulnerability.

My unhealthy reactions indicated to me how unhealthy and how vulnerable I was.

It is very difficult for me to remember when I was last angry.

Yet at one time I was angry most of the time.

When people asked how I was, it was not a question.

I use to bury and suppress so much stuff in my life because I could not deal with it.

Being a loner and holding back and not being myself was an unhealthy way to live.

Not being able to trust myself was not healthy, not being able to have intimacy with people was not healthy.

By being consumed by addictions and obsessions I did not understand how unhealthy I was.

I use to think that my addictions and obsessions controlled me.

Today I understand for me my addictions and obsessions were a form of escaping my feelings and my emotions.

Sadly due to pains and abuse in my life I buried and suppressed feeling from my hurt inner child.

I use to think that I was a weak person, that was not true i had in my life gone through all forms of abuse.

In recovery I asked myself is there any thing that has not been or done to me that I had not experienced at that time.

The simple fact there was nothing that could happen that had not already happened to me.

In the recovery program I learned that I was a survivor yet I was not able to heal or resolve the pains of my past.

My anger that came out of me was due to my pains not healed, was due to my fears not being faced, was due to my frustrations due to my unreasonable expectations of life people and situations.

My emotional triggers were my pains, my fears, my frustrations, my loneliness due to my fears of emotional intimacy, my boredom due to the fact I could not be productive in every avenue of my life.

The simple question is how much time effort and energy am I willing to invest in to my recovery today.

How much do I want to heal my hurt inner child.

Love and peace to every one.
 
Dave L
 
AKA Dave Of Beckenham