andy again
30-07-2010, 07:37 PM
I have now managed 68 days without a bet today,Friday 30th July. Life is as tough as ever, unfortunately I'm in a world of pain. My head has cleared a bit and i've completely steered away from gambling, except Tuesday as I had the 3 ingredients to disaster:time,money,and boredom.I then watched horse racing on TV for 3 hours,and I was so not even paying attention I cannot remember 1 that won. But I know it was the wrong thing to do and I shouldn't have even watched 1 second of it, but boredom beat me. I struggle every day,with just the whole thought of getting up and facing the world.Will it ever,ever change? I feel like I'm just waiting for my existence to end,as I have no go and no inspiration left in me.This disease has tormented me for 25 years and I see no difference in my lifestyle,just that i've abstained from gambling, for now. But the problems and misery of my life are still very much there and as I have already slipped hundreds of times before, I'm dreading another slip,because each time gets worse and worse and I don't feel have many chances left,if any, before this disease will claim me.Andy