Gamblers Anonymous Forum

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Well how do you start, my husband and i have been together about 20 years, he has a gambling problem, hes been packing up every year for 20 years. He is in debt by tens of thousands and still gambling, the debts are being managed but hes still gambling, keeps telling me how well hes doing when the debts are gone what a good life we will have, he gets nasty and aggressive. I find betting slips, friends see him in bookies (they dont know about the problem) it effects everything, marriage is dead, the lies get worse, feel very alone and sad .....


Hey Just Me...
We spoke on the Live Chat and I hope you convince your husband to read my message. As a compulsive gambler myself one that has not been in action since January 17th 2007 I want to say what I was and who I am now. Compulsive gamblers are dreamers, we dream of the big win and its not a case of we want to quit we just cannot get off the rollercoaster ride of win, win (problems solving), loose, loose, loose back to square one. The first thing is as a compulsive gambler we dont win, I would be a fool to suggest I never won, but that win just created a bigger dream and therfor a bigger loss, until the time was "normal" back to depressed, unhappy, moody man whilst no big wads of cash to go gamble. Pay day is then like Christmas, wow all the dreams are alive again, back in action away from reality. Reality is actually quite simple, we work, we get paid, we pay the bills, we go out with friends, we pay for dinners and we become nice people...reality is for me happyness. You have the unfortunate problem of being "the wife" who blame is often thrown at as an excuse for our sad exsistance on this planet. The real deal is this: You MUST look after You, you dont have a problem, but your husband does, it is only your problem as he is sharing that burden with you. I said this to you before but HE must want to stop first, either he does or he continues to "dream" and live the rollercoaster. Either way first priority is you know that although you love this man you cannot trust him and you also know that you dont want to live your life in debt. I get the urge to gamble, crave that buzz, but now when I do I think of all those I have hurt, I think of the pain I caused myself and I say "not today, today is a good day". You can try many things to Understand "why oh why" does he do it, but your not a compulsive gambler, he is, he is one of "us" and as the saying goes "you can lead a horse to water but you cannot make it drink". Maybe I am wrong to say this but why should you be sad and miserable because of his problem?? your just the good wife!! When i was gambling so many people knew I had a problem I wouldnt listen to anyone that is the compulsive nature of the desease. I now hope and believe that through my thought of a "higher power" I am able to live "day by day" for the rest of my life and that when I get married I dont ever subject her to any part of the former life and person i was. Many times people led me to water but I didnt drink, I didnt know why i needed to, now i do and I see life for what it is. Your tag name "just me" says your alone in this but your not many wives, Gfs etc do not understand why there partners would do this, thats why gamanon exists, this however is secondry, the priority is that your husband admits he needs help, is a compulsive gambler and joins a programme of recovery (meeting).