Gamblers Anonymous Forum

My name is Andy and Im a compulsive gambler,here now on xmas day,some 220 days without a bet,I sit here all lonely and sad,yet again on a xmas day,as have done for at least the last 10 years plus.
Cant remember when the last time I had a happy time,maybe thats why I detest stinking xmas time.
Was this all a result of my gambling for the past 25 years?Or is it that I am so depressed and mentally destroyed inside that I cant face being with family that I have left,as I dont have many friends in fact ive probably only got 1 friend in life and he is very happily married with children so there wont be know going out with any friends for me.
All I can say is that I havent gambled for 220 days and wont gamble today.
So I guess thats something,but I know I have to keep going to meetings which I still havent done for over 2 months.I dont want to go back to that hideous existance again as I know it will kill me if I do.
Still always broke and skint as always despite not gambling,but I HATE gambling,HATE,HATE,HATE,with all my heart and dont want the torture of it again.
I just feel so low and sad today,I will be glad when the festive period is over,I HATE it.
Andy

Hi Andy, Good for you having 220 days up. Christmas can be a lonely time for us CG's, sometimes no longer having family or friends that we can share it with. Isolation is one of our defects and it has taken me a long time to feel comfortable around 'normal' people again, but just remember that we are not bad people just that we have a very bad illness. Meetings do help Andy as you well aware know. I call the people at GA my family and have made some good friends there, that's where we need to plant ourselves. I also hate gambling and also know that if I go back I have only one option left and that's death been to the other two places (prison and insanity). I realize it's pretty cold in UK at the moment but am sure you could 'rug' up and go for a long walk or into a Church just to give thanks for your 220 days of recovery. I try and think of the people in other Countries who are suffering from starvation, lack of good drinking water and a roof over their heads and without any hope and give thanks.
Kind regards Andy
Helen