gph
01-05-2011, 09:29 PM
MY name is geoff i am a compulsive gambler i attend meetings at manchester.once again i have slipped it had been 100 days since my last bet the most i have done since 19 months without a bet.yesterday however after being in a meeting i gambled i am to raw to know why.what i do know is i have not been doing it the ga way even thought i have attended rougthly 400 meetings in 3 years i dont do the right things.i carried money yesterday, but have been doing it regalury which i know i shouldnt ,i had no credit on my phone no orange book.i should of been at my most vigilent as my dad is in hospital he is 77 and my parents have been through alot with me.after i lost the money i had on me the obbsession to get it back was to much i went to the hospital of a sick man (someone i love but when gambling i dont) to make him give me his bank card on the promise i have the money i saw the fear in my dads eyes as he did not want to he gave me money.i then went and gambled and lost that i didnt even know the area i was in i just knew it was the first bookmakers i saw. my mum and dad,angel sister mean the world to me but i can do this to them.
it is now a day later i have not seen my dad yet to speak and try to say iam sorry for what i have done, i have spoken to my sister and she is angry and disghusted at what i have done.my mum is there for me at this time but i have been chucked out before,self harmed myself physically and emotionley and i wouldnt blame them.i feel so low and undeserving of love affection and kindness.if i had to guess why i have done this it is that i have had no real recovery iam not sure i had even when i went 19 months but what i did do then was the phonelines,secatary anything to help.i met a girl recentley who i dated briefly i told her about my addidtion and she said tham i was an addict who was scum for whtt i had done i dont regret being hohhnest and i know shes not right but i do feel worthless and a failure.i have spoke to a member all i can do now is a day at a time but iam so scared i will never find recover.tommorow i will face my dad( i should be visiting him because he is very sick) i i will carry no money,i will have credit on my phone a list of numbers to ring and my orange book somthing i should be doing every day.then on tuesday i am going to call my doctor about my moods and depression as i have been struggling long enougth for a long time then i am going to go to the meeing in manchester and declare i have had a bet.i have no further plans than that this is all i can do.thank you for taking the time to read.
it is now a day later i have not seen my dad yet to speak and try to say iam sorry for what i have done, i have spoken to my sister and she is angry and disghusted at what i have done.my mum is there for me at this time but i have been chucked out before,self harmed myself physically and emotionley and i wouldnt blame them.i feel so low and undeserving of love affection and kindness.if i had to guess why i have done this it is that i have had no real recovery iam not sure i had even when i went 19 months but what i did do then was the phonelines,secatary anything to help.i met a girl recentley who i dated briefly i told her about my addidtion and she said tham i was an addict who was scum for whtt i had done i dont regret being hohhnest and i know shes not right but i do feel worthless and a failure.i have spoke to a member all i can do now is a day at a time but iam so scared i will never find recover.tommorow i will face my dad( i should be visiting him because he is very sick) i i will carry no money,i will have credit on my phone a list of numbers to ring and my orange book somthing i should be doing every day.then on tuesday i am going to call my doctor about my moods and depression as i have been struggling long enougth for a long time then i am going to go to the meeing in manchester and declare i have had a bet.i have no further plans than that this is all i can do.thank you for taking the time to read.