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I have been gambling on the internet for 10years now. I finally have got to the point in my life where I cannot go on anymore. I have lost everything, I owe money, I own nothing apart from this computer. I need help. I know this, My nearest meeting is 40 miles away from me, I desperately want / need to stop. I was succesful, I was regarded in high esteem by people who knew me, Now, I feel like a stupid, old, worthless man. I have considered killing myself, (not for any pity from anyone, but to stop this vile addiction I have). I don't know what to do, I have lied to people i love, I just don't know what to do now. I loved life before i started this stupid addiction, I would like to love life again.


Hi Bunster

Thanks for sharing your story. When I at last accepted that I had a problem I cried like a baby and repeatedly screemed "Oh God how could I be so stupid?"

It took a while to understand that whether I am or am not stupid has no bearing on my situation. I ended up suicidal because of my addiction not because of my itelegence rating.

Thanks to GA I stopped gambling a long time ago and thanks to the recovery program have rebuilt my life. You can do the same.

Take a chance, do the 80 mile round trip. It will be worth it to save your life.

Take care

Welcome Bunster and thank you for your post. You remind me a lot of myself. It could have been me that had written your post half a year agoe.

I too have a long way to my meeting. It is important to go to as many meetings you can, preferrable atleast one a week. But if you truly can´t then it is better to go meetings as often as you can, even if it is perhaps only once every month. It is always better to go to some meetings than none at all. And meetings are crucial help in your recovery, and together with a phonelist to the people at your meeting, the GA litterature, together with the online meetings on here, and the chat and forum, you will receive help, support and understanding.

I had tried to stop so many times before, but always went back. To me too it felt like I am just hopeless and will never be able to break this addictions. Therefore it would be better to end my life, just to get out of it. All the selfloathing and disappointments in myself and my inabilities. All the lies and all the hurt I did to others. But in recovery these feelings will change, so please just hang on. Coming here and posting is a great first step. Well done!

You will have to find your way in all of this, but you are not alone and there is a way back to enjoying and living again. So many peoples before you have done it, and you can too.

To me I find it helpful to work on letting go of my fears of what other people might think of me. I really can´t read these peoples mind. And even if I could, it is their thoughts, not mine. I can´t change or make undone all the things I have done, but I can change today, one day at a time. And there within lies my responsibilities as a recovering compulsive gambler.

God, Grant me the Serentiy to Accept the things I cannot change
Courage to Change the things I can
and Wisdom to know the Difference.

Through going to meetings, through working the 12 steps of recovery, I know there is hope for both of us.

With warmth.


Dear Maverick, Paula and guest,
Thank you so much for your replies. It means a lot to me to hear from people who understand what I am going through. It was my birthday yesterday, and I have made a promise to myself that I will get to my nearest GA meeting, even though it is a long round trip, you have made me realise that it is worth it. I thank you all for your understanding, and i know that if i can meet, and talk to people like yourselves, It will help me. I promise I really do want to stop this addiction. Thank you all.