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Full Version: Could I get spiritually healthy on my own, I want healthy
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My name is Dave of Beckenham. I am a compulsive Gambler! I am becoming a healthy spiritual person, yet I am not a religion person.

The word often used in the serenity prayer courage, and I am sure that many people have different opinions as to how courage relates to them.

Then follows the line “courage to change the things I can”, now in understanding that I cannot change another person to be healthier or even to understand what spiritual is all about.

Do I need courage to do the healthy and right things in my life? Do I need courage to be honest and no longer live in fear?

For most of my life I had given up faith and hope in myself and in my actions.

I walked in to recovery smelling of fear yet could not face myself or face the consequences of my unhealthy actions and words.

I use to be very weak inept inadequate and insecure as well as bitter and twisted yet could I admit to myself how vulnerable I use to be.

Because I was so insecure inept inadequate in myself and so filled with fear on arriving in to the spiritual recovery program I thought the spiritual recovery was going to control me and try to regulate me.

That was not so the spiritual recovery program was going to help me help myself, to be honest without it being painful, was going to help me help myself be more mature, it was going to help me help me become more aware and self enlightened about those parts that were unhealthy ad healthy about my character.

By answering the 20 questions each time would they raise more other questions rather than answers. Yet I would learn more about myself by debating and discussing every avenue of my past.

At what time would I start to think that by my actions and words I could change from being unhealthy to be able to do the healthy thing that I would find the courage and confidence to change from unhealthy habits to healthy habits?

The 20 questions would be answered in more depth and understanding how vulnerable I really use to be.

Today do I blame other people for how I feel; today do I blame other people for the direction and path I take in my life today.

How important is it sharing at some depth our deepest feelings.

Am I scared that by being honest in a healthy way I will lose my friends?

I am a survivor today without fears, I am not willing to give up faith or hope in myself today or in my spiritual recovery.

I like many people felt on walking in to recovery the people already in recovery were much smarter than me, I use to hear them talk and did not think I could open up like those people did.

It is recommended that when people entry recovery they should try and talk if they can.

Yet there were people who did not speak for months and yet were able to listen and I am sure that people on web sites might even think they are not up to opening up quite yet.

I have far many healthy choices that far extend beyond abstaining and not getting consumed by obsessions.

Once I abstained from my addiction I wanted to deviate facing myself in other ways, it took time to recognize those moments I wanted to escape one way or another.

One of the indicators that I was very immature was my unhealthy sulking moods, at what point in my life did I learn to sulk and what is sulking any way.

For me sulking was a consequence of me not having my expectations not being met earlier in my life and that I internalized it.

Sulking for me is an unhealthy habit was a consequence of my emotional wants and needs not being fulfilled in my child hood.

I have written some letters recently and sent them by post, writing letters is an important part of my recovery, I want and need to speak out for myself to compliment and also express my displeasure when things are not to a reasonable standard.

To remove myself from being the victim I found it was important to speak out directly or indirectly and not out of vengeance or through resentments.

Once I have put print to paper and once it is in the post box my part is done, I may contact a company to confirm receipt but after that moment my job is done.

I have met so many people in my journey to becoming healthier; on entering recovery I questioned all of my motives both healthy and unhealthy.

I understand that living in the pains of my past is not healthy, those buried and suppressed pains show up in so many ways, lack of trust, so many kinds of fears, resentments which hinder people for most of their life.

Then in the old days I would say I wanted justice when in fact I really wanted vengeance and wanted to cause other people more pain than I was feeling within myself.

Reacting in anger is and was an unhealthy habit for me; I hurt myself by being angry and resentful.

Reacting in anger was an unhealthy habit indicating that I was unable to heal my pains of today or able to heal the pains of my past.

I understand today that if people do not respect them self it is highly unlikely that they will respect me that is simply understanding the serenity prayer and accepting it most days of my life.

It is very powerful to see people being honest smiling and laughing in their recovery, it is even more powerful when people can have a healthy laugh at themselves.

I was completely clueless as to what spiritual recovery was all about, I was ignorant as to living in fear held me back from living a healthy spiritual interactive life with all people.

That by being consumed by my addictions and obsessions put my life out of balance and I went against spiritual values.

Spiritual Values stand alone from every religion and are what our own conscience is and was based up on from birth.

Our spiritual actions and our spiritual values and our unconditional actions are spiritually character building such as unconditional loving and forgiving apologizing caring trusting patience tolerance humble sincere honest faithful loyal optimistic self assured punctual courteous respectful considerate grateful content productive creative sharing nurturing encouraging awareness content stable open minded and calm and at peace with oneself.

When we were born we were completely fearless that is a spiritual value, when we were born we were completely honest that is a spiritual value, when we were born we were able to give of our self completely unconditionally that is a spiritual value, when we were born we were completely trusting that is a spiritual value.

If we were able to have those Spiritual Values already in our self earlier in our life then relearning those Spiritual Values can be done once more.

They say that honesty is the best policy why did people find it hard to be honest, could it be that by being honest people feared being caused pain or being abandoned rejected unloved hurt or ridiculed.

It is possible to be honest without being cruel and not have an adverse effect on another person.

When we have healthy spiritual interactions with people it makes those moments very special and those moments can be the high lights of our life.

The spiritual recovery program helps any person who is willing and wanting to become a healthy spiritual interactive person over any period time.

For me the longer I avoided doing the action of opening up and becoming healthy the more time I was wasting living reacting to unhealthy feelings.

The spiritual recovery program helps any person become healthier with or without any kind of religion beliefs what so ever, I was born and manipulated in to going to religions but found that a lot of people who supposedly religious people were in fact unhealthy hypocrites.

Sadly people think that when I talk about my unhealthy childhood they think it is about blaming people for my actions.

This is not the case once you enter recovery you learn to be accountable to yourself.

If I was blaming my family and past I would be bitter twisted and resentful towards my family, and that is not the case, I needed to understand why as a teenager I wanted to take my own life.

That I was very unhealthy and risk taking long before my addictions and obsessive behaviors, they were the symptoms that I was unhealthy.

I understand today that every fear I have as an adult today was a consequence of painful traumatic experiences in my child hood.

People did to me as a child those things that were done to them because those unhealthy practices were a belief system passed on them by their parents who they trusted to be right and healthy.

There is a big difference between healthy nurturing and encouraging and unhealthy bullying and unhealthy manipulation, yet if once in recovery we understand the difference between both methods and we chose to be healthy instead of following other people’s unhealthy habits.

The spiritual recovery program is about healthy unity and yet sometimes people will question is the spiritual recovery program just about abstaining from your addictions only.

Well it is essential for me to be able to abstain before I could move on to changing my habits in to healthy habits.

Yet when you last time I was involved with my addiction, the question I was often asked do you want to stop gambling and stop being consumed in my addiction, if I answered yes it is no longer important when I was unhealthy before or how long.

I use to abstain yet was not able to become healthy, I was often still bitter twisted angry confused inept insecure because my strength of character had not happened yet.

In time I would ask myself what is my biggest fear today, once I acknowledged each fear only then could I do something about those fears.

Aggression and confrontation use to unsettle me in a big way, I use to think it was about physical size or even sex, I now understand that aggression and confrontation is an unhealthy habit picked up and learned from my parents in my child hood.

Aggression and confrontation is about bullying and controlling other people, aggression and confrontation is a very unhealthy habit which transfers people pains fear and frustrations on to other vulnerable people.

People being aggressive and confrontational indicates how totally weak insecure and inept they are within them self.

People who try and control other people are weak people who have not matured and grown up in a healthy way.

My way or the high way is the attitude is from a person who has not matured and grown up in a healthy way.

The most important thing we can do for our self and for the people who come in to recovery is make sure they feel comfortable and to have nothing to fear while being in the rooms of the spiritual recovery program.

Learning to be fearless and honest is important part of the spiritual recovery program, being fearless and honest is being spiritually healthy.

I like many thought that by getting hold of money would somehow undo all the harm I had inflicted on other people, today the lack of money did not hurt people as much as me lying and betraying other peoples trust.

By betraying other peoples trust they learned to live in more and more fear until our family lived in as much fear as we did.

One of the cruel things I did was to get my family involved with my lies and for them to go against their own conscience.

To think on arriving in the spiritual recovery program I could articulate my feelings in any way, some people think that I am well educated, that is not so most of my skills have been learned by my experiences in life and by putting my pen to paper.

Getting me to be accountable to myself and write things down was like trying to extract teeth. I thought it would be painful and awkward; today it is a big part of my life and my spiritual growth.

Is a healthy spiritual person able to be healthy and able to nurture and encourage other people to do healthy actions to improve the spiritual quality of their life and to have the best spiritual relationships they can have with other people.

It was not possible for me to have healthy spiritual relationships with other people until I was able to have a healthy spiritual relationship with myself first of all.

One thing which was very powerful in my recovery was whatever I wanted from other people I needed to supply to myself first of all, in order to fee more loved I needed to love myself.

All the time I was filled with so many fears I had no choice but to unlovable, fear inhibited me so much and in so many ways and yet I did not even know it on walking in to the spiritual recovery program I was so ignorant.

I was very confused about body language on arriving in to the spiritual recovery program, whenever I told meeting I had broken out gambling once more the looks I saw on people`s faces were disappointments, when in fact they were feeling my pains, when they clapped at me being honest I thought they were being sarcastic, the clap was complementing me on being so honest and strong and facing my fears.

I spent a large chunk of my life feeling like a victim, and one would question what makes a person remain being a victim, well often it is always certain people that get the brunt of unhealthy peoples transferring their pains fears and frustrations on to most vulnerable or weak person.

I use to question why I remained the victim, well now understand to the fact I did not speak up for myself, and I did not need to get angry to have boundaries, the healthiest of all boundaries are set from a place of peace in our head.

I will even walk away from unhealthy people once I have warned them a couple of times, it is by out casting people that they question their own unhealthy actions and me walking away is one of the healthy consequences.

I use to live in the pains of the past and now I live in the today mode and plan for a productive healthy future with the ambition of having healthy relationships with all people.

Recovery for me was about not sitting on my hands doing nothing but read text, progressive recovery for me is about being content with fulfilling my wants and needs each and every day and understanding that every creative productive day is self rewarding day.

I understand that I caused myself so much stress when I was unhealthy, I understand that stress is fear based, I understand that being stress out with fear causing adrenaline to rush through my veins and it causes high blood pressure.

I understand today that I do not need to cause myself so much fear based stress it is unhealthy.

Do I really think that my sharing myself and my experiences will change people for the better today, no sadly I do not change people in any way, that is the conscious choice and decision that every person needs to make for them self if they value them self enough.

Yet it seems funny now that at one time I use to fear woman, that came from my teen age years when girls use to giggle because they were nervous and I use to think that they laughing at me.

Have my wants and needs changed as I have grown in myself, have my goals increased with new things and challenges I take on board.

Sadly parents blame the education system for spiritual values fading, and sadly the education system blame the parents for the education system for spiritual values fading, sadly they are both incorrect it is the responsibility for everyone to demonstrate spiritual values to everyone in everyday life.

There were times when governments worked hand in hand with politicians to maintain spiritual guidance in land and community values.

Governments and politicians are suppose to represent the public not control them; in the world today PC has gone overboard so that people are in fact losing the right to speak out honestly.

And in different countries certain groups openly talk hatred and violence about the very country they live in and are suppose to support yet I can see and feel their pains and frustrations coming out.

I see and feel that immigration is one of the top topics people want resolved but governments go on regardless of the consequences of the outcomes.

Like us in recovery we need to understand our healthy wants and needs, and it us to us each individual in recovery to fulfill those healthy wants and needs if we are going to be healthy.

Can any person or family live in a healthy way if all they do is worry about money all the time, their jobs should be able to fulfill their basic needs and wants so that they can focus on their wants and not feel under stressful pressure all the time.

Shirley is less afraid of me than any other time in her life.

Love and peace to everyone.

Dave of Beckenham
hmm very tough to give a simple yes or no answer

For me the answer was No...I tried to abstain on my own...not to get spiritually healthy..

GA has been fantastic at helping to give me a road map, a guide and a way forward...

today is a complicated road...but i'm trying..

In unity
Smartie xx