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How much do I want to get...
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Just for today I choose n...
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Ideal situation is to be ...
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What is spiritual recover...
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Did Gambling control my l...
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Being more committed towa...
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Being in the recovery pro...
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My emotional triggers and...
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46 Years And Lost It All
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20-11-2019, 10:35 AM
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Abstaining from unhealthy...
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20-11-2019, 10:27 AM
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  GA meetings
Posted by: Radish - 16-11-2019, 01:51 PM - Forum: Share Section - Replies (1)

There was a time of day, many, many years ago, where I tried for find a GA meeting and couldn't (we are talking 1986) many years later, with the internet, I tried again in 2011, when things had gone silly, it was hard finding the meetings but I eventually found my local meeting.

I went on today as I want to try some out of town meeting to help with my recovery and found your "find a meeting" and I want to say - it is brilliant, very easy to use, fast and what was lacking all them years ago. Thank you to your website for designing this, I am sure it will help a lot of people who otherwise would not have found it.

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  The recovery program would help me heal and become healthier
Posted by: gadaveuk - 16-11-2019, 04:53 AM - Forum: Share Section - No Replies

Hi 

Being in the recovery program would help me understand that I was not a bad person, that I was not an evil person.

I was just a very emotionally vulnerable person.

I use to think that showing my feelings and my emotions was an indicator that I was a weak person.

For me when I walked in to the recovery program I was just a very emotionally vulnerable person.

Before understanding my emotional triggers I use to run in fear and escape people life and situation I could not cope with.

I am a non religious person yet being in the recovery program I understand that any person can get healthy if they truly want to.

The gambling establishments did not make me do any thing I did not want to.

The gambling establishments did not make me lie.

The gambling establishments did not make me steal.

Being in the recovery program would help me understand that I could get healthy if I wanted to.

The recovery program would not stop me gambling that would be my own choice.

By me paying back cash to people would not heal people or make them trust me again.

Having money was not going to make me feel successful.

Only by my own healthy actions and my healthy words would make me feel successful.

It all starts with just for today I will not gamble.

For me gambling is unhealthy and self destructive, only when I made a conscious decision to abstain from one unhealthy habit could I abstain 
from other unhealthy habits. 

The recovery program for me is a healing process, to stop self abusing myself, to stop self abusing other people.

Once I abstained from unhealthy habits I was able to replace those unhealthy habits I was able to take up healthy habits. 

I use to be angry most of the time, I use to be impatient and intolerant most of the time, I use to be blame and justify being unhealthy.

The rage in me demonstrated that the angry hurt child in me was not healed, I was not fully complete in myself.

I am often asked if I have not gambled in such along time why attend meetings today,  by me attend meetings I get to see myself in other people.

Over time my fears were faced reduced and were replaced with trust.

Over time being kinder to myself I am able to be kinder to other people.

Once I am able to have empathy for myself and my healing I am able to have empathy other people.

Once I am able to love myself and my healing I am able to love other people.

Only once I am able to be honest with myself and my healing I am able to to be honest with other people.

My emotional age and my physical age would get closer to each other.

I would learn to celebrate in healthy ways.

Giving of myself would become unconditional.

I moved from using bad good right wrong to what is healthy and what is unhealthy. 

Before the recovery I was a very sick unhealthy vulnerable person.

Love and peace to everyone.

Dave L

AKA Dave of Beckenham.

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  What is a spiritual recovery program and did it work for me
Posted by: gadaveuk - 13-11-2019, 07:55 AM - Forum: Share Section - No Replies

Hi

What is a spiritual recovery program and did it work for me.

I walked in to the recovery thinking and even feeling that Gambling controlled my life and my thinking.

What would cause me to go and waste my time and energy doing some thing that would hurt me and other people.

Would the spiritual recovery program work for me if I was a non religious person.

Yes it did and I understand that my spiritual values were all a part of my own conscience.

When I would go against my spiritual values I would hurt myself and other people.

It is stated in the spiritual recovery program it is not important to know why I gambled.

That did not sit well with me.

It was also implied that pride was an unhealthy thing.

Today and by being dedicated to the spiritual recovery program my actions and words are healthy and I am proud of who I am today and what I am today.


By me working the spiritual recovery program the rewards for being healthy is pride.

The wording I have to implied to me that my thinking was obsessive.

So today I have a healthier way of thinking, I write own my wants, I write own my needs, and I write own my goals.

The truth what is the spiritual recovery program for for, it is about wanting to become healthy in every way.

The spiritual recovery program helped me learn that I was not a stupid person, that I was not a evil person, that I was just emotionally vulnerable.

What were my emotional triggers, why did I escape people life and situations when I felt I could not cope.

My addictions and obsessions were very much fear based issues.

Every pain in my life caused fears in me that I did not understand or acknowledge.

Turning to my addictions and obsessions were ways of me escaping.

The wording fake it till you make it did not wring true with me.

The spiritual recovery program helped me understand that faking deceptions and lies were not healthy in my recovery.

The spiritual recovery program helped me recognize that not only did I hurt and betray other people, but I also I hurt and betrayed myself much more.

The spiritual recovery program helped me understand that only by abstaining from all unhealthy habits could my healing even start to happen.

By me being in the spiritual recovery program helped me abstain from gambling, abstain from smoking another form of self abuse, abstain from getting drunk another form of self abuse, helped me abstain from abusive language, helped me abstain from drinking tea and coffee.

A spiritual recovery program would help me become the person I wanted to be.

A spiritual recovery program would help me become the healthy person I knew I could be.

When ever I try to justify my words or actions I know that I am not being healthy.

Today I have the choice to react in unhealthy ways to people life and situations or to interact in unhealthy ways to people life and situations.

It is very rare for me to be angry these days,  it is very rare for me to be impatient and intolerant with myself and others these days, 

Do I measure how healthy I am by time off gambling, do I measure how healthy I am by our bank account balance, do I measure how healthy I am by my productivity, do I measure how healthy I am by the things I achieve today, or do do I measure how healthy I am by my relationship with myself and other people today.

Do I face my fears today.

Love and peace to every one.

Dave L

AKA Dave of Beckenham

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  I no longer want to hurt myself or other people today by being unhealthy today
Posted by: gadaveuk - 12-11-2019, 02:08 PM - Forum: Share Section - No Replies

Hi
The addiction and obsessions were a way me of escaping how I felt.
When I walked in to I was emotionally traumatized and found it impossible to understand my feelings and my emotions.
By abstaining from unhealthy habits I was able to stop causing myself pain anxiety and stress.
The addiction and obsessions were a form of self abuse.
I would work hard for my money and then gave it away to complete strangers while I and my family went with out.
The bigger the risk the bigger the buzz.
I did not respect myself, I did not respect money or other people.
The ideal situation is to be emotionally detached from gambling.
For gambling to mean nothing to me what so ever.
The recovery would help me understand that was healthy and what was unhealthy 
To escape my unhealthy habits in to healthy habits .
I did not understand that living in fear was unhealthy.
I am a non religious person yet I do embrace spiritual values and strengthen my conscience being healthy.
Being in the recovery program I would write down my needs my wants and my goals.
I would become more and more focused on today.
I would make healthier choices and rather than react in unhealthy ways I would learn to interact with people.
By admitting to myself my emotional triggers I was able to do some thing about my emotional vulnerability.
I learn from my past and no longer live in the past.
The person I was on day one walking in to the recovery is not who I am today. 
I could not buy being successful with money.
I could not love myself or respect myself when I walked in to the recovery. 
My anger and my emotional vulnerability were indicators that my hurt inner child was not healed.
Being in recovery I am more motivated in healthy ways, I am more productive, I am to give of myself unconditionally today.
And more importantly I am no longer the hurt victim, I no longer want to be a perpetrator, and I no longer want to be a rescuer.
By my healthy actions and my healthy words I am able to feel proud of myself as to how I am today.
Only once I was able to love myself could I love other people.
Only once I was able to respect myself could I respect other people.
Only once I was able to be honest with myself could I be honest other people.
The person I feared facing the most was myself.
When I walked in to the recovery I did not fully understand how unhealthy I was.
Today the choices I make are not always the best, yet I am a willing student who is willing to change towards being healthy and complete.
Only when I went to meetings for myself could I make changes to my life and my thinking.
Love and peace to every one.
Dave L
AKA Dave of Beckenham

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  How many fears did I have and could I become more productive
Posted by: gadaveuk - 11-11-2019, 07:50 AM - Forum: Share Section - No Replies

Hi
The recovery program was going to help me gain faith and hope in myself.
I could not do it on my own, that did not work.
The only commitment I was asked of was to give it 90 days.
Could I say that feeling positive is me gaining faith and hope in myself.
The gambling did not control me.
The simple fact each time I escaped to gambling I got weaker and weaker and more vulnerable.
Sadly each lie I lived or told caused me more fears in me.
In time I would write my fears down.
Fear of being honest, fear of emotional intimacy, fear of failing, fear of success, fear of rejection and abandonment, fear of being myself, fear of the opposite sex, fear of the post, fear of the telephone ringing, fear of humiliation, fear of celebration, fear of not fitting in, fear of even trying some thing new.
Every pain in my life caused fears in me that I did not understand.
It was important to not understand understand each of my emotional triggers but how to over come my unhealthy reactions to people life and situations.
The choice is mine today how much more productive can I be today.
Love and peace to every one.
Dave L 
AKA Dave of Beckeham

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  Just for today I will not gamble is progress, it means I deal with today only.
Posted by: gadaveuk - 10-11-2019, 09:05 AM - Forum: Share Section - No Replies

Hi

Just for today I will not gamble is progress, it means I deal with today only.

Just for today I will not gamble makes it simpler, just for one day.

Just for today I will not gamble is a boundary that I am not going to hurt myself or other people.

Just for today I will not lie, each lie causes fears in me which causes me stress and anxiety.

Just for today I will not gamble is easier if I do not have any control over my finances, it makes it simpler.

I could not trust myself with money.

I did not value myself or value money.

Just for today I will not live in fear.

Just for today I will attend meetings because it helps me heal and not live in the pains of my past.

I am a non religious person yet I embrace spiritual values.

I am a non religious person and I am still healing my hurt inner child.

The recovery program helped me understand what my emotional triggers were and how to over  come feeling emotionally vulnerable.

The recovery program helped me understand that I was not an evil person, that I was not a bad person, that I was not a stupid person, I was just a very vulnerable person who could not cope well with people life and situations and I use to escape in my fears.

The recovery program helped me understand that I feared emotional intimacy.

The recovery program helped me understand that each time I gambled I simply made things much worse and far more painful.

The recovery program helped me understand that gambling for me was not a healthy habit.

That for me gambling was a very unhealthy thing to do.

No matter when your last bet keep attending meetings.

The recovery program helped me understand that recovery was about healing.

To only abstain from gambling did not mean that I was healing my pains.

Only once I abstained would I be free  to heal and become a much healthier person.

Recently I was asked how long have I been in the recovery program.

I have been in the recovery program since 1969.

I am often asked why attend meetings if I have not gambled in twenty six years.

The answer is simple each meeting I attend the healthier I become.

From day one in the recovery program did I understand that I was emotionally traumatized, that I was in so much pain and I could not heal from it.

The recovery program with other liked minded people helped me make much healthier choices.

No matter what happens in my life today the very last thing I want to do it gamble.

By me working my recovery program I am less angry.

By me working my recovery program I can expose more and more of myself.

By me working my recovery program I am less afraid.

By me working my recovery program I can exchange unhealthy habits in to healthy habits.

By me working my recovery program I can live my life today not feeling angry, not feeling afraid, not feeling alone.

By me working my recovery program I can live my life today not feeling lost and confused.

Each day not gambling I am able to do more with my life today.

Each day not gambling I am able to over come procrastination.

Was I a dysfunctional person before my recovery. Yes for sure.

Each day is a slow learning curve some times even slow baby steps.

Fear reduces trust grows.

My time is much more productive.

Less of my addictions and less obsessions leave me more time to do new things.

By me working my recovery program I write down daily my needs, I write down daily my wants and in time I write down daily my goals.

I use to be bored at life, today there is not enough hours in the day.

I use to dread waking up in the morning, I use to fear being mature, I use to fear the telephone ringing, I use to fear the post coming, I use to fear being myself, I use to fear emotional intimacy.

Today less procrastination and more willingness to achieve more with my life and my time.

Love and peace to every one.

Dave L

AKA Dave of Beckenham.

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  My addictions and my obsessions were a form of self abuse and a way of escaping.
Posted by: gadaveuk - 09-11-2019, 06:22 AM - Forum: Share Section - No Replies

Hi

The recovery program for me was a non religious healing process from the pains trauma and suffering of my life

My conscience is spiritually based.

What would cause to me to against my own conscience against my own spiritual values. 

Fear was an unhealthy reaction to people life and situations where I would lie steal hurt myself and other people.

The recovery program was not going to stop me gambling, that was going to me my own choice.

Only once I admitted to myself that my addictions and obsessions were very unhealthy would I both want and need to stop.

Only once I stopped talking about money and my addictions would I start to talk about myself agive therapies from the heart.

You will often hear people admit to hurting so many people yet would not admit to hurting them self.

If I was not able to talk about the abuse in my child hood and how much pain I had not healed, if I was not willing or able to admit my pains I could not heal from them.

Every time I went back to gambling I wanted less to go back to the meetings.

Yet that was important, no matter when you last bet was going back to meetings was my only hope.

The healthy people in the meetings wanted to see me no matter when my last bet was.

The healthy people in the recovery program will not push religion on you.

The healthy people in the recovery program will not bully or manipulate me.

The healthy people in the recovery program would be nurturing and encouraging to an dmy recovery.

The healthy people in the recovery program will not take any credit for your success and healthy recovery. 

The recovery program was going to help me face myself.

The recovery program was going to help me face all of my fears.

The recovery program was going to help me be the healthiest person I can be today.

Love and peace toe very one

Dave L

AKA Dave of Beckenham

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  Gambling establishments did not hurt me I hurt myself
Posted by: gadaveuk - 02-11-2019, 01:22 PM - Forum: Share Section - No Replies

Hi

I am a non religious person and in time would understand that any person can find a healthy recovery if they do the work.

The gambling establishments were places I use to go to escape people life and situations I could not with emotionally.

The recovery program and more so healthy people in it would help me see and feel that I was emotionally vulnerable.

Being in the recovery program I would identify that my emotional age and my physical age were not the same.

The people in the recovery program would help me understand what my emotional triggers were.

To understand what would cause me to run on adrenaline, what would cause me to go against my own conscience, what would cause me to lie and decieve people.

I had a very painful abusive time as a child, I was emotionally abused, I was physically abused, I was sexually abused, I was not nurtured and protected, and on occasions I was physically abandoned and emotionally abandoned.

My emotional; triggers were my feelings of my pains my feelings of fear, my feelings of frustrations, my feelings of loneliness, my feelings of boredom.

I am often asked if I am a counsellor, I am not.

This last week I was asked how long was I in recovery, fifty years, since 1969.

I was often asked if I have not gambled in such a long time why attend meetings.

I do not go to meetings because I am emotionally vulnerable towards gambling.

I go to meetings because I am becoming a much healthier person.

I understand that the pains of my life caused fears in me.

I understand today is not healthy to live in any kind of fear.

I understand today I could not love other people until I loved myself.

I understand today I could not respect other people until I respected myself.

My anger was a very unhealthy reaction to people life and situations I could not cope with emotionally .

Each time I went back to my addictions and obsessions I needed to understand what triggered me back to unhealthy habits.

The recovery program is about healing the hurt inner child in me.

The recovery program would be unable to heal me if I was not willing to admit to myself I was in pain.

On day one walking in to the recovery program I would not be able to admit that i was emotionally traumatized.

I could not articulate my feelings and my emotions.

I could not communicate in healthy ways.

I could not explain in any why I tried to go back to unhealthy escaping habits.

I could not explain why I could not stop myself.

I could not explain why I could not trust myself with money.

I could not explain why I could that the highs in my risk taking were adrenaline based.

Not many how many people questioned me about my addictions and obsessions I could not explain my helplessness.

Did the gambling establishments make me feel emotionally vulnerable.

No the gambling establishments make it possible for me to escape people life and situations I could not cope with.

By going to the gambling establishments I would make things much worse, I would hurt myself and hurt other people.

By going the gambling establishments I would cause myself more pains and more fears.

Did I think that getting easy money would make me feel successful in myself.

By going back to the gambling establishments time and time I would lose all faith and hope in myself.

The recovery program was not going to fix me.

The recovery program was not going to make me do anything I did not want to do.

The recovery program was going to make me aware of how unhealthy I was.

The recovery program was going to make me want more of myself.

The recovery program was not going to make me think I was right wrong or good or bad.

The recovery program was not going to make me aware of what is healthy and what is unhealthy.

The recovery program was not going to make me change what is unhealthy in to what is healthy.

To not feel ashamed of who I am today.

The recovery program would help me make healthier choices one by one.

Just for today I will not gamble.

The recovery program is very much like mountain climbers, in being tied to like minded people their healthy experiences, their skills would become my skills.

How much do I want to be healthy today.

Love and peace to everyone.

Dave L

AKA Dave of Beckenham.

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  What were my emotional triggers and what made me gamble escape from people &life
Posted by: gadaveuk - 22-10-2019, 09:44 AM - Forum: Share Section - No Replies

Hi

In time I would learn each of my emotional triggers.

My emotional triggers were 

My pains not healed


My fears not faced

My frustrations due to expectations

My Loneliness

My Boredom

My emotional triggers would cause me to escape people life and situations when I could not cope emotionally.

Each time I went back to my addictions or obsessions was a lesson to learn from.

A spiritually healthy sponsor would help me learn from my past yet not live in it.

A spiritually healthy sponsor would not bully or manipulate me, a healthy sponsor would not push his beliefs on me, healthy sponsor would not take any responsibility for any kind of  success I did in my recovery.

I am a non religious person yet understand by practicing spiritual values would strengthen me, and strengthen my own conscience.

When walking in to the recovery program I did not think that I would find a healthier life by my own healthy actions and my healthy words.

I thought people in the recovery program would not understand me because I did not understand myself.

I did not understand that fear inhibited me in so many ways.

I did not understand that my fear were a consequence of the pains and trauma of my life that was unresolved and unhealed.

For me the recovery program is a program of healing from the pains of my past.

The recovery program was going to help me heal my hurt inner child.

My every action of sulking told me that my hurt inner child had not matured in to an adult.

My walking in to the recovery program was a door to finding healthy living.

For every unhealthy habit I needed to exchange each on to a healthy habit.

I am often asked if you have not gambled in such a time why attend meetings.

For me the addictions or obsessions was a symptom that I was emotionally vulnerable.

With out me going to and seriously working my recovery I would have never have found out how unhealthy I was.

For me the recovery program was going to get me motivated in healthy ways.

I would stop living in the past and get focused on today, writing down my lists of my needs my wants and my goals each day.

The ideal situation is to be emotionally detached and healed from the gambling establishment.

To not love them, to not hate them, and not fear them.

Did I really think that if I got easy money would make me successful.

Did I really think that being angry was a healthy way of getting things done.

Did I really think that being late was a healthy way of getting things done.

Did I really think that money would heal my hurt inner child.


Did I really think that money would make me happy.

Did I really think that material things would make me happy.


Did I really think that the world stopped me from being successful.

When was I last angry and why.


When was I last angry and why.

When was I last impatient and intolerant and why.

Did I procrastinate and fail to face my fears.


How much time and energy do I waste today.

I was for sure a victim, by acknowledging that fact I can do something about it.

I was for sure a perpetrator, by acknowledging that fact I can do something about it.

I was for sure a rescuer, by acknowledging that fact I can do something about it.

Am I selfish in my recovery today, am I self sufficient in my recovery today.

What holds me back from taking on new goals.

It took me over forty percent of my time in the recovery program to find out I had a hurt inner child not healed.  

It took me over forty percent of my time in the recovery program to find out that my emotional age and my physical age were not the same.

It took me over forty percent of my time in the recovery program to find out how much more I could become productive in healthy ways.

It took me over forty percent of my time in the recovery program to find out how how to  communicate and articulate myself in healthy ways.

I am not willing to say that I will never gamble again, to say that would indicate that I do not have any emotional triggers any more, to say that I will never gamble again would indicate my hurt inner child is completely healed, I know that the first seven years of my life are still a trauma to me.

I no longer want or need vengeance in my life today.

I no longer want or need anger in my life today.

I no longer want or need hatred in my life today.

no longer want to escape to my addictions and obsessions today.

The serenity prayer helps me to interact with all people today.

The serenity prayer helps me understand that I am not able to change or control other people today.

The serenity prayer helps me understand that I am able to change and resolve my unhealthy reactions to people life and situations in my life today.

That is some thing I am able to change my unhealthy reactions to people life and situations in my life today.

I use to say that people life and situations in my life stressed me out.

Stress is fear based, anxiety is fear based, panic is fear based, avoiding emotional intimacy is fear based, how much is fear holding me back today.

To stop being the victim I needed to speak out for myself. to have a voice based up on peace.

Just for today I will not gamble is a boundary for myself.

It is only just for today only, not facing my whole life at once.

Just for today I will not gamble is setting slow steady baby steps.

Love and peace to every one.

Dave L

AKA Dave of Beckenham

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  Can't Stop
Posted by: CantStop - 21-10-2019, 11:36 AM - Forum: Share Section - Replies (5)

Afternoon All,

This is my first time on the forum and I have never attended any meetings etc.

Late last summer, my gambling started to get out of control (August / September time). My stakes rose significantly, initially I saw Xk of winnings hit my account and everything was rosy, I honestly thought this would continue.

By Christmas, I had spent all of that £Xk on gambling and was Xk into my overdraft with a maxed out Xk CC and no money for my bills. It was at this point I opened up to my fiance and safe to say she was devastated - we were meant to be saving for a wedding.

I stopped for 3 months, before selfishly attending Cheltenham with my father, gambling £XX on the day. I then desperately tried to get this money back, and lost another £Xk on a CC my fiance didn't know about. 

I opened up to my parents in April when I was at breaking point, and they cleared the £Xk secret CC for me.

I then refrained from gambling again until September at which point I started to gamble on my CC again, I had paid my overdraft off and my CC was down to £Xk. I am now sat here, with a maxed out overdraft and an over balance CC and feel like there is no hope of ever turning this around.

I seem to be my own worst enemy with this one.

I am not posting this for pity but I just want to get it all out there to people who might be going through something similar, as it has been a very lonely year so far.

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