Well where do i start , this is the third time i have returned to GA to look for help and to get back onto the road i have so longed for . I first came onto GA in 2013 then again in 2016 now back in 2018 . This time nothing too drastic compared to my first arrival on here ,  i have been gambling for the past few weeks hiding it sneaking off to put bets on and just seemed to be going back to the person i hated and the person i have worked sooo hard to get away from . 
This is not about the money anymore it is about the mind set and moving the mindset away from it all  , there has been times when i have thought i cannot live without it and just cave in and keep gambling but i cannot and will not be beaten , the suicidal thoughts have crept in as i have contemplated defeat to this horrendous addiction though i do what i did to beat this last time which is read stories from everyone else update my own life and keep away from any bookies. 

I am still excluded from all websites though have found myself wondering into shops , i need to do things day by day and string those days together to make weeks and months and hopefully again years!

Please get in touch to share experiences and help each other this will not go away without help and shoulders to lean on are the way to do it 

Thanks for reading Tom 

DAY 1 of my new life

New meeting to be held in Barrow-in-Furness @ Abbey Road Baptist Church starting on Monday 15th January 7.30pm - 9.30pm and every Monday there after.

Abbey Road Baptist Church
Park Drive
Barrow in Furness
LA13 9BD

Wow 3.05am and im online along with 27 guests !! 

27 new people seeking help with there gambling addiction more than likely ! 
Sign up and seek help thats ny advice, good luck to you all its starts here !!

Darren

Hi My Name is Darren i'm 43 and I'm a compulsive gambler.

Hi, I am a past GA attendee at Carlisle and Blackpool (No meetings within 80 miles from where i live). On 28th December 2016 my whole world fell apart yet again when my wife found numerous things on my phone that I was gambling again for the 3rd time round and i was kicked out of the family home i shared with my wife and our 2 son's.
 
I knew that morning when I couldn't find my phone after a night out I was I was in trouble or should I say relieved that I had been found out yet again. She found a bet on my phone to a person I knew that accepted bets and also after further scrutiny of my phone found out that I had an account with paddy power ! When she questioned me i was very defensive at first like all gamblers are, I then confessed to everything regards the gambling as I had done my fill with all the lies and deceit in this period like in the previous occasions and felt a huge weight lifted off me that I had been found out. This is where us gamblers think we are the best (lies and deceit) as I opened an account using my dad's name and bank account details, as I was at the time sorting his finances out for him, yeah good coming from a compulsive gambler I know, i began to deposit small amounts in the first place to place bets. I was soon increasing stakes and depositing money more regular as the gambling gripped me again. Can I just say my dad knew I was doing this but I lied to him as well that it was little amounts n not often !! Yes there were wins along the road like there always is but being a compulsive gambler you always chase and when in front we dont quit do we ! Over a 9 month period doing this using my dad's bank account I lost around £1000 ( my dad was never out of pocket as i drew what money i had lost from my credit card and repaid him without my wife knowing ) I know this doesn't seem a lot to some people and believe me I've done a lot lot more than this in the past and know it could of being a lot worse had I not being caught out again ! The scary thing is though it wasn't until my wife printed out all the transactions from my dad's account to paddy power that it showed me the compulsiveness had gripped me again !

After the last time some 6/7 years ago when i was found out my wife decided after sometime apart to give things another go, even though this was against her families wishes and caused friction between them. I'm not going to lie things were rocky at times but i had to rebuild the trust with her and all the others that had been affected by my addiction to gambling. I was attending Carlisle and Blackpool GA meetings as n when i could due to my shift work. Things began to improve steadily as there were now things in place and the support network i now had in my wife, GA, friends and even my wife's family were there for me. Everyone said come and talk to us if you have thoughts or feel like gambling again and we will help you. I wll be honest to say that after a good while things were stronger n better than they had been at anytime before !! 

Then when i stopped attending GA meetings thinking i can do this on my own and im not going to lie  I did for a long while and never thought about gambling or even had a bet, but as everyone knows you can't do this on your own. As in any case all it takes is that 1st bet as little or big as it maybe and then you are back on that slippery road to ruin. Yes you guessed it i was now on this slippery road but rather than get back to GA or approach my wife or any other person that had offered me help i chose to carry on gambling thinking i could stop on my own as I felt so ashamed and embarrased to approach anyone that had offered to help previous to tell them i was gambling again, i just wish i had been big enough to ask for help rather than get found out yet again !! 

This time it has cost me my marriage and all the heartache that will come with it. I have lost my best friend and soul mate in my wife (who deserves so much better), I also have so many bridges to mend and things to prove to my 2 son's (who are my world) and if they are not a big enough reason to kick this gambling addiction for once and for all I will grow old a very lonely man.

I am sorry if I've rambled on but I am now 13 days without gambling, but have a lot of things going on in my mind other than gambling at this moment as in losing my wife and marriage, but I am attending my 1st GA meeting back at Carlisle on 16th January.

Cheers
Darren

Hi All,

We have now moved to a new server as the lease was due to expire on the old one.

During the move there were a few issues with the chat room so i decided to install a whole new one and it has the major benefit of being able to work well and securely on mobile devices.  

So now you can chat to each other, support and help each other all on the move.  I have tested it on iPad, iPhone and a couple of Android devices and all worked well.

Enjoy yet another new tool to help your recovery

Hi I am a compulsive gambling addict , I have made to choice to join this site with a view to hopefully quitting gambling! I have really struggled and have been at a low point for months. 
I am looking for help from an individual whom may want a sort of pen friend to chat to and help each other , I really need help as I am struggling with day to day life and everything is a big secret.

Hi my name is ...... I'm a compulsive gambler.
I have said those words many times over the last 10 years as I have attended ga periodically never managing more than 9 months of abstinence.  My time over the past 2 years  since March 2014 has changed remarkably. My lapses are less damaging and shorter in duration before I put my pride and emembarrassment behind me and return to the rooms to start again. 
I used to read the forum regularly and even think myself wise enough to offer my opinion to others. I have recently reread what I wrote then 18 months ago and can no longer see myself as that person who wrote in sincerity of how I felt back then.
My head is confused I can not reconcile that I wrote those responses. This illness of ours is so insidious that it changes gradually , unnoticeable to your consciousness till you return to gambling ways. 
I have so much respect for those on long periods of recovery and those like myself who are unable to resist the urges from within but keep returning in the hope of succeeding.
I have written this for no other reason than to express my thoughts . To get it out of my head in the hope of finding some clarity to find a path to recovery.

Just Wanted to put my share in writing and go from there... here goes

Sorry its boring but i need to do it for me.

Now aged 35  hopefully its as familiar story to most.




My Early years to aged 16

My earliest memory of gambling is when i was around 10 years old,  i used to spend the school hollidays at my grandparents house and would have days out with my late Nanna.

These days out consisted of days out to the seaside where she liked to use the falling machines and the fruit machines,  of course she let me play them alongside her with real money for fun.  I used to just like the buzz  of playing them and didn't wanna go home at the end.

Other days would involve meeting up with her friends at the local pub,  she wasn't short of me and these days started by walking into town and going into the arcade for a bit then onto the pub.

Whist she bought me a coke she began to let me play on the fruit machine in the corner,  money wasn't much of an issue to my Nanna and she would give me a note to go to the bar to get change so i could play,  I look back on this as both nieve and irresponsible on her behalf,  i used to blame her for my gambling addition until  i started GA,  i realize its my compulsive nature not her generosity. 

I used to go to the football every home game also with my other set of grandparents,  these days would involve dropping my other Nanna at the bingo  and me and my granddad would go onto the match stopping at the bookies for his coupon and horse bets,  I would wait outside the paper shop then we would sit in his camper van whilst he would study the horses whilst he sent me to buy a programme to read,  these were the days before the betting odds were plastered all over them.  in the next few years the odds on first goalscorer would appear next to the player names and he would always put money on a player of my choice and let me keep the winning if it won.  The trip home would involve us stopping in the bus stop whilst i run in to tell my Nanna she needed to come off the O & X  machines where she would be playing 3 at at time and hurry up.

The bizarre thing is my parents apart from the bet on the national and the odd game of bingo would never gamble,  it was my grandparents who were the big gamblers.

I have always had the keeping secrets and doing things i shouldn't bug  and instead of coming out with A's and B's gcse  i came out with C's and D's.  I ran the school stationary shop  where i would sometimes skim money here and there.  Allways knowing what everyone else was up to but them never really knowing what i was.

From 12 to 15  i had a paper round and i would often get the bus to the seaside on a sunday afternoon  and spend it all and end up walking the 5 mile back.


16 On wards

I couldn't wait for my 16th birthday,  I could buy Cigs and scratchcards (age 16 restriction not 18 in 1996). I wouldn't sat i was addicted but i did buy too many scratchcards when i didn't win.

Moving on i ended up on a YTS scheme because i wanted to work and it gave a free bus pass and £70 per week wage.

Looking back it wasn't just gambling i always had an urge to spend any penny i could get my hands on no matter wheather i needed or not.

My YTS landed me a plum job at the local university following a project i won to present in front of the then secretary of state for Northern Ireland Mo Mowlem,  what a lovey woman she was in my career development.

I worked in the Uni for about 18 Month was able to pay and buy myself a car  well above the means of other 18 year olds at the time. I cant remember alot of gambling during 17 -19 this time,  but wasting money and collecting things maybe.

I decided to go part time at 19 and start a degree course,  in reality all i had to do at my part time uni job was turn up when i could between lectures days off etc and take pictures and upload to the website,  easy money and mostly time to spare, for about a year, early 99 the department at the uni was would down and my contract wasnt renewed.

I got a job at a famous computer shop at weekends and evenings to coincide with my uni course,  this was when i was introduced to the casino,  often going after work regularly and playing roulette and drinking,  it became my life and i eventually dropped out of uni.  I started working full time at the computer shop earning good money, and doing the late shift in order to go to the casino afterwards in a group. Once i was spending more than i was earning i started to think of ways to make more money.  Looking back i needed to feed my addiction so needed cash easily,  i started being accepted for credit here there and everywhere  and i had worked out a way to make easy money on top.  I still had my uni cards as i hadn't officially dropped out,  and my mate worked at a famous music shop  and he got 20%  staff discount  and then an additional 20% student discount.


I started buying popular tv boxsets on my credit card at nearly half price  and getting full price on Ebay  and postage as they were in massive demand.  This funded me with cash for about a year. In a way looking back this was a gamble as a few months after i stopped doing it the bottom fell out of the market when amazon became popular.

I also bought a house cheap near my parents  and got a steady girlfriend by 21.

More to follow

I'm new to this site and would like some advice.  I don't want to give up gambling and I can't see myself doing that but I need some help on my control of it.  I can go periods without having a bet and not worrying about having one but then spend all my money after I've been paid.  Fortunately I wait until my mortgage, council tax etc has come out of my account but can then blow the rest on occasions and have nothing left for the month.  I did recently "borrow" some of the holiday money my partner and I have put aside and she found out, hence why i'm now writing this email.  I enjoy analysing the form and can have a bet and sometimes win but then then get the urge to straight away gamble it away on something I have no knowledge of whatsoever.  Most of my gambling is online and I would like to continue and be able to control it; can someone give me some advice or give me details of other forums, as this site is ostensibly for those that want to give up.  My other half would like me to attend a meeting but as I said previously I can't see myself giving up and therefore wouldn't see any benefit in it.

I am an Englishman living in France, with my wife and 3 kids.

I have had issues with gambling for decades.

As a kid we used to go for pub lunches most weekends. My Nanna was into bingo & bandits. As an 8 year old I used to watch her play the bandits after lunch in the pub. I used to press the buttons, to bring her 'luck'. I loved it!! We used to go to the seaside sometimes too, and we always ended up in an arcade, playing the bandits. This, I suppose, was my introduction to gambling. She died 5 years ago, but in her 80's she used to put pounds into the big jackpot machines at the bingo. Its safe to say she had issues with compulsive gambling!! I don't know if its genetic or my introduction to gambling at an early age, or a combination of the two, but I have issues too.

As a teenager every opportunity to put money in a bandit would send my eyes buzzing & spinning until it was all gone. Holidays in Backpool & Butlins, all I wanted to do was put money in Bandits.I suppose it was only fear and shyness that kept me out of the seedy arcades in my hometown. Gambling on bandits was always a pleasure throughout my teens, and it couldn't really have been considered a problem.

At 18 I went to Uni. 1st year, no gambling. 2nd year a friend who liked the horses took me too a betting shop for the 1st time. Straight away I was betting everyday. I quite often literally had no money, and when I did I gambled it. My girlfriend (now my wife) used to feed me, she went to uni (I'd started skipping lectures, and really going to uni at all anymore), and she'd give me money to get something for tea. I tried to make sure there was money left for a placepot on the horses. This stint lasted about 5 years, daily betting on the horses, not really losing much money, just more to do with betting everyday, if I could. One day I just stopped and went years with no betting.

This trend continued, but when the gambling spells came, it was always full-on, everyday.

My problems came about due to Online Gambling in 2007. My wife had always kind of forbade me to have an online account and I didn't push it. I went to a friends stag weekend in York. We were supposed to go to the races but it was rained off. So we went to the pub and put bets on at the bookies instead - this was the start of the next gambling stint. Once back home after the weekend, I opened up my first online account, without telling my wife. I funded it with our credit card. I don't even know why I did it. Needless to say, betting everyday, I quickly ran up a debt. I began opening up accounts with many, many firms to take advantage of intro offers, betting everyday. One day I started chasing a losing bet. I lost and was annoyed about losing it. It was the 1st day of the 2007 Rugby World Cup so I put on France to beat Argentina, this would get me back.  Compulsive!! Argentina beat hosts France - I lost - I don't really even like Rugby or know much about it. Next day I backed my team, Carlisle,  against Tranmere -. We lost 1-0. (Carlisle then won our next 13 consecutive home matches - talk about fate & warning signs!! I went home and my wife was bathing the kids, I cried and told my wife I was a sh*t dad, but without telling her the real reason. This continued until one day my wife confronted me. She'd seen warning signs in my behavior and seen a letter from the latest account that I'd opened. We had debt on our credit card. I know that some will see the amount of money as not alot, but its the secrecy and deceit that is most upsetting. I closed all my accounts and stopped betting online.