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  Ideal situation is to be emotionally detached from unhealthy things
Posted by: gadaveuk - 01-12-2019, 09:56 AM - Forum: Share Section - No Replies

Hi

It was important for to understand that there was no way I could change the past.

There was no way I could change the fact that I gave away my our money and only once I be at peace with that simple fact I would not be fighting myself or beating myself up and or living in the pains of my past.

I am suppose to learn from my past and no longer live in it.

The addictions and my obsessions were a form of escape.

I did not understand that when I walked in to the recovery program I was emotionally traumatized.

If I could not help myself how could the recovery program help me.

The money was only the fuel for my addiction.

The money was only the fuel for my escape.

The money was never going to heal me.

How selfish can I be in my recovery today.

How much time and effort am I willing to put in to my recovery today.

Am I willing to put more effort in to my recovery than I put in to my addictions and my obsessions.

Even when I am alone I am not alone.

At what point in my life would I stop talking about money or gambling.

Both money or gambling were not going to heal my hurt inner child.

At what point in my life would I stop hurting myself and stop hurting people that were close to me.

My addictions and obsessions were a form of self abuse.

How could it be that I thought that I loved gambling and that I thought that I loved my obsessions.

Love for  me today is having a healthy interaction with a living creature or person.

It is not possible for me as a person to have a healthy interaction with with a material thing or money.

Did I not understand what love was.

The ideal situation is to be emotionally detached from all feelings and emotions towards my addictions and my obsessions.

Love and peace toe very one.

Dave L

AKA Dave of Beckenham

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  What is spiritual recovery, what was the process, what do I think success is today.
Posted by: gadaveuk - 29-11-2019, 01:22 PM - Forum: Share Section - No Replies

Hi

What is spiritual recovery, being a non religious person, spiritual recovery means I am able to interact in healthy ways and no longer live in fear.

What is spiritual recovery, being able to live in today, it also means I no longer hurt myself or other people today.

What is spiritual recovery, being the healthiest person I can be today.

What was the process for me, in walking in to the recovery program I was emotionally traumatized, I feared being honest, I feared being seen in the recovery program, I feared facing myself and my feelings, I feared the postman, I feared the telephone, I feared strangers coming to the front door, I feared every day in front of me in my life.

What was the recovery process, as I attended more meetings my fears reduced, as I attended more meetings my trust grew, as I attended more meetings I was able to stop hurting myself and causing myself pains.

What was the recovery process, recovery was a healing process, I would not be able to heal if I was not willing or able to acknowledge my pains, I would not be able to reduce my fears if I was not willing or able to acknowledge my fears, I would not be able to reduce my frustrations if I was not willing to reduce my expectations of people life and situations.

What do I think success is today, success today is not about money, success today is about my ability to become more productive with my healthy feelings, my healthy actions, and my healthy words.

People cannot give me success, success is achieved my own actions and words towards myself and  towards other people, am I able to interact with all people, or do I react in unhealthy ways and cause stress up on myself.

Do I measure my the last date I went back to my addictions and obsessions, or do I measure how I feel with in myself today.

Every action has consequences, healthy actions and healthy words heave healthy  consequences, unhealthy actions and healthy words heave unhealthy consequences, by not changing with in myself, by not healing with in myself, I remain feeling the same way I walked in to the recovery program.

If I acknowledge my pains I can heal from them, if I acknowledge my fears I can reduce them, if I acknowledge my frustrations I can reduce them, if I acknowledge my inadequacies I can learn more about them, if I acknowledge my ignorance I can learn, if I acknowledge my emotional vulnerability I can learn what my emotional triggers are or were.

The gambling the addictions and the obsessions were just the symptoms I was emotional vulnerable, that did not mean I was a weak person, in fact by the time I walked in to the recovery program I was already a survivor, I just needed to heal and acknowledge the pains in me that were not healed.

What would be my trigger to find healthy living, what would help me to no longer be the victim, what would help me to no longer be the perpetrator, what would help me to no longer live in fear of today.

Who I was on day one walking in to the recovery program, is not who I am today, the time of healing my hurt inner child is my choice today, to stop being or feeling emotionally vulnerable was my choice each day I abstain from unhealthy habits.

At what point did my motives change to healthy motives each day, to no longer person please, to no longer try to impress people, to no longer live in fear, to no longer live in the past, but to learn from the past, to learn from each of my emotional triggers.

The recovery program for me is non religious, the recovery program works for any one who is willing to invest more time and more effort in to finding healthy living, one day at a time.

The recovery program is not a race, the recovery program is slow healing process, the recovery program is going to help people become the person they would like to be, the recovery program is going to help people feel they could achieve so much more with their life.

The recovery program is about healthy progress not perfection.

The healthy people in the recovery program would help me become more patient and tolerant with in myself.

The recovery program would help me see I had more potential in myself than I thought I had.

The recovery program would help me see myself in other people, both their unhealthy ways but more importantly their healthy ways.

The recovery program is very much like mountain climber,  by being interlinked with like minded healthy people I would find healthy paths in my life today by listening to other people learning curves in how they lived healthy safe lives today.

The recovery program helped me understand that my unhealthy risk taking put myself at risk as well as people close to me.

The money was just the fuel for my addiction and ways of me escaping people life and situations I could not  cope with.

By taking away the money did not take away the fears of people life and situations I felt with in myself.

By reducing the money I had up on my person each day helped me by not doing so much damage to myself and other people.

The lists of my fears I use to have reduced in numbers but also reduced in levels each day.

The lists of my fears was a consequence of pains caused up on me in my life journey.

The pains I caused myself and pains I caused other I would face and acknowledge in my slow learning curve.

Did I know what love was all bout walking in to the recovery program.

Did I know how to value myself each day, did I know how to celebrate in a healthy ways walking in to the recovery program.

Did I know how to respect myself more each day, did I know how to no longer beat myself up and to forgive myself.

Did I know how to set up healthy boundaries in healthy ways.

Was I able to give myself the conscious decision to no longer be the victim.

To help me understand that I am unable to change other people in my life today.

To help me understand that I am able to change my unhealthy reactions to other people in my life today.

I have the choice today to be productive in my actions and my words today.

I have the choice today to live in today and learn from it.

I am able to learn from the past but not live in it.

The recovery program helped me understand that my healthy actions and my healthy words impact me in so many ways yet also impacts people today close to me today.

The just today is living in the present moment.

The just today is healthy learning curve where I feel I am a part of today.

What are my needs today, what are my wants today, hat are my goals today, 

Love and peace to every one.

Dave L

AKA Dave of Beckenham.

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  Did Gambling control my life did I feel I had no choice but to live a lie
Posted by: gadaveuk - 26-11-2019, 12:41 PM - Forum: Share Section - No Replies

Hi

Did Gambling control my life did I feel I had no choice but to live a lie.

The addictions and obsessions were a form of escape, escape from people, escape from my life, escape from situations I could not cope with.

When I went to my addictions and my obsessions I simply made things in my life more difficult.

The recovery program was going to help me heal from the pains and emotional trauma of my life.

The consequences of the pains and emotional trauma in my life was fears I did not understand.

Would the recovery program was going to help me heal if I was a non religious person, yet it certainly did.

The simple fact was that I needed lots of help, was I willing or able to listen, sadly I had control and trust issues.

How was the recovery program going to help me recognize that I was emotionally vulnerable, how was the recovery program going to help me understand I could not trust myself with money on my person.

I did not respect the value of money, I thought that money on its own would make me feel successful in myself.

In time I would not focus on money or gambling or even money lost.

I would focus on understanding when I was emotionally vulnerable, I would be more understanding of how important therapies were.

The recovery program was very much like mountain climbers, in admitting that I needed to learn healthier skills in living my life in healthy ways.

To understand when I was emotionally vulnerable and what were my emotional triggers were.

Because of my low self worth, low self esteem, and inadequacy, asking for help was very difficult, I would even say that I was very stubborn.

The recovery program going to help me understand the addictions and obsessions were just the symptoms of emotional vulnerability.

The adrenaline rush, was fear based, the anticipation and build up was a way of me avoiding feeling the pains and fears I buried and suppressed.

Being in the recovery program was going to help me see and feel myself in other people experiences.

Both the healthy and unhealthy.

My jealousy of other peoples success had nothing to do about heir success.

The truth was I felt like I was left behind by many people from a very early age.

In the recovery program I was not going to suppress my feelings and my emotions.

In the recovery program I was going to learn how to articulate my feelings and my emotions, I would start to understand my anger, I would start to feel my pains, I would start to face my fears, I would start to reduce my unreasonable expectations of people life and situations. 

The more I opened up the less fear I would live in, my trust would grow, and I could relate more and understand how vulnerable I was.

My life changed from feeling inadequate insecure inept dysfunctional stressed out to starting to feel a part of some thing healthier than I use to be.

My unhealthy reactions changed to healthy interactions.

Today I am a more spiritual person yet I am not religious person.

My spiritual growth has strengthened my conscience more, I am not willing to justify doing or saying things that would hurt me or other people.

Every lie I lived caused more fears in than I could cope with.

I do not want or need to lie  today.

I do not rejection or abandonment today.

I do not fear what people think of me today.

I do not fear people if they have a different opinion to mine.

I use to fear failure now I understand that my failure is to not even try.

Every new experience is a slow learning curve for me.

Each time I went back to my addictions and my obsessions was a lesson if I was willing to learn from it.

By giving the recovery program 90 days was a good investment in myself and my life today.

Love and peace to every one.

Dave L

AKA Dave of Beckenham

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  Being more committed towards healthy habits in my life and getting motivated
Posted by: gadaveuk - 25-11-2019, 07:44 AM - Forum: Share Section - No Replies

Hi

Abstaining just means you have been committed to not cause your self or others pains today.

The unhealthy addictions, the unhealthy obsessions, and unhealthy habits indicated that I did not value myself.

The addictions and obsessions were a form of me escaping people life and situations when I could not cope with emotionally.

By being accountable to myself I would set a boundary just for today I will not gamble.

By me setting a boundary was not for any one but myself, no matter what happens today I will not gamble.

By being accountable to myself I would write down my needs, write down my wants and write down my goals.

My emotional triggers were my pains were my fears, were my frustrations, were my loneliness, and were my boredom.

I am a non religious person and questioned if I was a non religious person could I find healing in the recovery program.

Yes today I can confirm by working my recovery and filling my time with healthy interests I would no longer feel bored.

My feeling bored was due to the fact that I use to think that I loved gambling and that life as boring, was that true.

Before my recovery my motives were not very healthy, I did things reluctantly, I did things resentfully, I did things at the very last moment, I would in effect stress myself out.

Procrastinating I was stressing myself out all of the time, yet why do we procrastinate.

Do we procrastinate because we fear being commited, because we lack confidence, because we fear failing, because we fear the out come, because we have lost all faith and hope in our self.

Sadly by fearing do thing and not trying I am cheating myself.

Every mistake every error I make is some thing I learn from.

By avoiding doing something I am cheating myself of the learning experience.

Each day as I write down my needs my wants and my goals, I am staying focused on just for today.

As I tackle each need I stay focused on it, once I have completed one need I cross them out.

As I tackle each want I stay focused on it, once I have completed one want I cross them out.

Also by being committed I replace each unhealthy habit with a healthy habit.

Each time I take inventory of my day, were my actions and words healthy towards myself and  my actions and words healthy towards all other people.

Was I patient and tolerant with myself, was I patient and tolerant with other people.

As I heal instead of reacting in unhealthy ways and learn to interact in healthy ways with myself and with other people.

The recovery program is about us healing, it is about us becoming more self sufficient, it is about us becoming more committed to our self. 

Love and peace to everyone.

Dave L

AKA Dave of Beckenham.

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  Being in the recovery program would help me see that I was like a rat in a wheel sad
Posted by: gadaveuk - 24-11-2019, 09:38 AM - Forum: Share Section - No Replies

Hi
By walking in to the recovery program I did not understand my addictions and obsessions.

I did not understand my emotional triggers were, when I felt pain fears frustrated vulnerable stressed out and wanted to escape people life and situations.

For me  my addictions and obsessions the longer I remained consumed by them the lss likely I was going to heal my hurt inner child.

For me the recovery program is anon religious thing.

Being in the recovery program would make me aware that by going to my addictions and my obsessions I made thing much worse.

By me going to my addictions and my obsessions I would causing myself and other people more pain to myself and more suffering.
For each one hundred and fifty dollars I lost gambling I was in effect going to work for nothing and giving my hard earned money to complete strangers.

Being in the recovery program would help me see that I was like a rat in a wheel going faster and faster getting no where healthy.

By me going to the addictions and obsessions I was giving up all faith and hope in myself.

Did I stop from day one, sadly no, did I understand what healthy recovery was all about, sadly no.

When people directed their words you have to do this, you have to do that I felt threatened by such control issues.

My control issues were fear based, my control issues were fear based, my control issues indicated how insecure and inadequate I was with in myself.
In time healthy people in healthy meeting explained no matter when your last bet we want to to keep going to the meeting.
If you have no money please keep going to the meetings, if you do not want to talk, please keep going to the meetings.
For me the recovery program is a healing process, recovery was about exchanging one unhealthy habit at a time to a healthy habit one day a a time.
The recovery program helps me make healthy choices one day at a time.
My impatience and intolerance indicated that I was hard on myself.
My impatience and intolerance indicated that I had not completely accept the serenity prayer in my life.
Courage to change the things I can, over coming procrastinating, overcoming my fears, understand that I am not able to change other people, yet can change my unhealthy reactions to unhealthy people.
For me the recovery program is not about me being bad or good, is not about me being right or wrong.
For me the recovery program is about becoming healthy healed mature and to no longer hurt myself or other people.
How often did I hear the same text time and time again and not get it.
How often did I hear an in depth therapy time and time again and not get it.
Then one day the penny drops and I get, they call it the light bulb moment.
What inhibited me from hearing healthy advice.
What inhibited me from seeing and feeling myself in other people.
The more work I do in my recovery today helps my pace of recovery become steady and stable. 
How selfish am I willing to me in my recovery.
No more putting off using the telephone list.
Part of my recovery is overcoming my fears of emotional intimacy.
My goal today is not to hurt myself or other people.
My goal today is to be the most productive self sufficient person I can be today.
Love and peace to everyone.
Dave L
AKA Dave of Beckenham.

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  Abstaining from unhealthy habits I am able to learn healthy habits
Posted by: gadaveuk - 20-11-2019, 10:27 AM - Forum: Share Section - No Replies

Hi

In my time in the recovery program has helped understand that when I try to justify my actions and my words it indicates that I am being unhealthy.
Deep down I knew that my unhealthy actions and my unhealthy words were not only adversely affecting me but also adversely affecting other people.
I used to justify smoking, yet it was just another form of self abuse.
If I only spent x on smoking per day, that was over X per year.
If I only spent x on gambling per day, that was over X per year.
If I only spent x on alcohol per day, that was over X per year.
Those three unhealthy habits cost me over XX per year.
Over twenty years those three unhealthy habits cost me over XXXX pounds.
Yet that is not even considering the long term damage to my body and my health and to my family.
Why would I escape to some thing which causes me pain.
I found that my fears and my emotional vulnerability would cause me to escape people life and situations I could not cope with.
Yet each time I escaped people life and situations I made thing much worse.
The deeper I got involved with my addictions and obsessions the high levels of fear caused me to go in to panic mode where I was not able to think things out clearly.
No matter what logic or dvice I heard it did not stop me from running in my fears.
The gambling addiction was very much based up on the adrenaline rush.
I am was a non religious person could I find a healthy life.
I felt so useless and worthless how could I gain confidence in myself.
Being involved with the gambling addiction was an ongoing loss of communication with myself and other people.
I could not be honest with myself, hence I could not be honest with people close to me.
The more fears that grew in my life I could not over come my fears of emotional intimacy.
The pains of my life caused fears in me that I did not understand.
The growing fears caused me to want to escape people and being honest.
The gambling addiction was causing me more fears and grater pains.
On walking in to the recovery program I could not or would not be able to articulate my feelings and my emotions.
Yet in time by attending meetings my fears would reduce.
As my fears reduced my trust grew slowly at first and over time I would no longer want or need to talk about gambling or money lost.
The healthy people in the recovery program would help me from living in every day fears.
I would recognize that I had control issues, that I was inadequate insecure immature, unhealed, that I had lost all faith and hope in myself.
I did not respect myself or money, that I did not care about myself, I thought the only way I could feel successful in myself was by having easy money.
The healthy people in the recovery program would help me understand that in time by becoming healthy and motivated I would become proud of myself.
No more guilt shame or regret, no more living in fear, no more procrastinating, no more lies, just being myself, no more person plesing, no more the victim, no more the perpetrator, no more the rescuer.
I would move from having unhealthy reactions to people life and situations, instead I would interact with people life and situations.  
The healthy people in the recovery program would help me understand that in time I could make healthier choices.
The healthy people in the recovery program were almost like mountain climbers showing and demonstrating me to make safer decisions, to think before I react in unhealthy ways.
By attending meetings I would move from being a dysfunctional person to becoming a healthy person.
By peeling back the onion I would over time expose my suppressed hurt inner child.
I have been in recovery over 50 years, since 1969, why attend meetings today, do I fear gambling, no not at all, do I hate gambling, no not at all, for me gambling would be an unhealthy choice.
I attend meetings today because I know how much more healthy I can become, I know how much more productive I can become, I know how important my interactions with people are today.
The longer I remain in the recovery program and do the work the more rewards I can achieve.
For me it is not possible to buy confidence with money, for me it is not possible to buy pride with money.
I do not need to give money or gifts to express my love or feelings towards other people today.
I use to fear computers, that has changed today.
I use to fear emotional intimacy, that has changed today.
I use to fear the opposite sex, that has changed today.
I use to fear being alone, that has changed today.
I use to fear being myself, that has changed today.
Once our fears are faced there is no end to what we can achieve each day.

Love and peace to every one.

Dave L

AKA Dave of Beckenham

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  Why i gambled to begin with.
Posted by: Tobyhope - 19-11-2019, 01:30 PM - Forum: Share Section - Replies (1)

Hi all,  i know i gambled to begin with because i was bored with life. I found something that excited me.  It was enticing,  elusive,  electric and easy to be hooked by.  It took me about six weeks to become addicted to gambling,  after losing my first bet.  I didn't gamble for six weeks after that initial big bet.   Looking back i am surprised it didn't take a grip on me much quicker.  

After the second losing bet and only about the third bet of my whole life,  then i became addicted. My first bet was on a greyhound or a horse.  It lost. I didnt gamble again for a further six years.  Now that is incredible to me.  But that's how it was.  I was a student in 1996 and i thought losing my first bet was a waste.   How much smarter i was back then?!  Astute even.  Then i got married in 2001 and started gambling in February 2002.  I started small and it just snowballed.

When i gamble i delude my self into believing i am smart. Perhaps i am to a certain degree. Looking back now i wish i had never started.  Eighteen years later and i am in some small manageable debt,   but i feel more depressed than ever. 

The truth is i now have children and i need to think about providing for them.  I have no choice but to quit now.  It is going to be a few months before i get out of this debt.  I have to try though.  I have been addicted to gambling on football predominantly but now i recognise footballers are multi millionaires and they don't care about gamblers.  

I have attended hundreds of gamblers anonymous meetings but i feel the time is not right to attend.  I will go again in my own time. 

My name is Toby and I am a compulsive gambler.  Thanks for reading.

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  I did not know how unhealthy I was being in action having addictions and obsessions.
Posted by: gadaveuk - 19-11-2019, 06:04 AM - Forum: Share Section - No Replies

Hi

I did not know how unhealthy I was being in action and having addictions.

I tend to think that having addictions and obsessions were just the symptoms that I was escaping people life and situations.

In  walking in to the recovery program that I was hurting other people yet did not think that I was hurting myself all that much.

I  have moved from using the words like wrong right good bad for me I am thinking more about being healthy or unhealthy.

I use to think that I wanted normal in my life, yet today when I see and feel people who are supposedly normal I found some normal people to not be so healthy.

I am a non religious person yet today I embrace healthy spiritual values and healthy spiritual interactions.

Each time I went back to my addictions and my obsessions I was learning some thing from them.

I found that in my recovery that I had certain emotional triggers which would cause me to escape.

My emotional triggers would cause em to want to escape deviate facing people life and situations.

The saying that honesty was the best policy was a very confusing statement.

In my childhood days when ever I was honest I was punished, hence I learned to live in fear of being honest.

I also learned to live in fear of being myself because I feared rejection and abandonment from a very early age.

Fear would cause me to go against my own conscience deceive and be dishonest.

I use to think that by paying back money would undo the pains deceptions and betrayal I caused people.

Just for today I will not gamble is a boundary to say that I no longer want to hurt myself or other people today.

As my commitment gets healthier, as my motives gets healthier, I am able to achieve much more healthier thing with my time.

I use to dread Mondays, I use to wish my week away because I did not enjoy going to work.

These days I wake up early in the mornings and look forward to my challenges each day.

I embrace life not fear it today.

Love and peace to every one.

Dave L

AKA Dave of Beckenham

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  GA meetings
Posted by: Radish - 16-11-2019, 01:51 PM - Forum: Share Section - Replies (1)

There was a time of day, many, many years ago, where I tried for find a GA meeting and couldn't (we are talking 1986) many years later, with the internet, I tried again in 2011, when things had gone silly, it was hard finding the meetings but I eventually found my local meeting.

I went on today as I want to try some out of town meeting to help with my recovery and found your "find a meeting" and I want to say - it is brilliant, very easy to use, fast and what was lacking all them years ago. Thank you to your website for designing this, I am sure it will help a lot of people who otherwise would not have found it.

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  The recovery program would help me heal and become healthier
Posted by: gadaveuk - 16-11-2019, 04:53 AM - Forum: Share Section - No Replies

Hi 

Being in the recovery program would help me understand that I was not a bad person, that I was not an evil person.

I was just a very emotionally vulnerable person.

I use to think that showing my feelings and my emotions was an indicator that I was a weak person.

For me when I walked in to the recovery program I was just a very emotionally vulnerable person.

Before understanding my emotional triggers I use to run in fear and escape people life and situation I could not cope with.

I am a non religious person yet being in the recovery program I understand that any person can get healthy if they truly want to.

The gambling establishments did not make me do any thing I did not want to.

The gambling establishments did not make me lie.

The gambling establishments did not make me steal.

Being in the recovery program would help me understand that I could get healthy if I wanted to.

The recovery program would not stop me gambling that would be my own choice.

By me paying back cash to people would not heal people or make them trust me again.

Having money was not going to make me feel successful.

Only by my own healthy actions and my healthy words would make me feel successful.

It all starts with just for today I will not gamble.

For me gambling is unhealthy and self destructive, only when I made a conscious decision to abstain from one unhealthy habit could I abstain 
from other unhealthy habits. 

The recovery program for me is a healing process, to stop self abusing myself, to stop self abusing other people.

Once I abstained from unhealthy habits I was able to replace those unhealthy habits I was able to take up healthy habits. 

I use to be angry most of the time, I use to be impatient and intolerant most of the time, I use to be blame and justify being unhealthy.

The rage in me demonstrated that the angry hurt child in me was not healed, I was not fully complete in myself.

I am often asked if I have not gambled in such along time why attend meetings today,  by me attend meetings I get to see myself in other people.

Over time my fears were faced reduced and were replaced with trust.

Over time being kinder to myself I am able to be kinder to other people.

Once I am able to have empathy for myself and my healing I am able to have empathy other people.

Once I am able to love myself and my healing I am able to love other people.

Only once I am able to be honest with myself and my healing I am able to to be honest with other people.

My emotional age and my physical age would get closer to each other.

I would learn to celebrate in healthy ways.

Giving of myself would become unconditional.

I moved from using bad good right wrong to what is healthy and what is unhealthy. 

Before the recovery I was a very sick unhealthy vulnerable person.

Love and peace to everyone.

Dave L

AKA Dave of Beckenham.

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