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I was so emotionally vuln...
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  Before my recovery I was not evil bad stupid, I was just emotionally Vulnerable
Posted by: gadaveuk - 21-05-2020, 07:35 AM - Forum: Share Section - No Replies

Hi

Today I am more and more appreciative of how much fear use to limit my life.

I was like a rat in a wheel going faster and faster getting no where healthy.

All the time I was emotionally Vulnerable I did not feel that I could help myself.

I use to think that my addictions and obsessions use to control my life.

The adrenaline rush, use to be such a high to me  to the point I thought that I loved gambling.

Today I understand that every pain I experienced caused fears in me that I could not explain or understand.

The recovery program was never going to make me do any thing I did not want or need to do, that was going to be my own life.

The spiritual recovery program was going to help me not only be emotionally detached from Gambling but to not fear it any more.

One thing was hard was to slow down my pace, to slow down my thinking, to not react in such unhealthy ways.

The spiritual recovery program was a non religious thing to me.

My conscience was based up on spiritual values.

In time my sharing with people grew and grew, the idea of sponsorship was no longer inhibited by my fears,  a healthy sponsor would not judge me, a healthy sponsor would not bully or manipulate me, a healthy sponsor would help me over come my fears of emotional intimacy.

I have been going to meeting for over 50 years, I have gambling free continued for 20 years, people ask why go to meetings, if you have not gambled why go.

I attend meetings to learn more about myself, to heal that hurt inner child more and more, to become more and more self sufficient, to learn more about healthy interactions, to reduce my fears even more, to learn to love myself more and to learn to love other people more.

To love other people so that feel more and comfortable with in the recovery program.  

The spiritual recovery program was going to help me understand my needs and write them down, to help me understand my wants and write them down, to help me understand what my new goals are and write them down, to extend myself, to achieve more with my life and my potentials.

There was not one person that stopped me from achieving more from my life, I gave up blaming the world and other people for me being short in my actions and my words.

The spiritual recovery program was going to help me learn and understand what were healthy motives in my life, to not do things resentfully, to not do things conditionally, to not do things to person please, to not do things seeking approval, to not do things living in fear, to not procrastinate and put things off, to not live frozen in fear.

Love and peace to every one.

Dave L

AKA Dave of Beckenham

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  I was not able to express a gratitude appreciation or patience before my recovery
Posted by: gadaveuk - 20-05-2020, 04:37 PM - Forum: Share Section - No Replies

Hi

I was not able to express a gratitude appreciation or patience before my recovery and questioned myself why not.

What was gratitude appreciation, in time I understood by expressing my  gratitude and appreciation ws an expression of how healthy my values were.

My lack of patience and tolerance only indicated how hard I was on myself.

The recovery program could not resolve my unhealthy attitudes that had to be my own choice.

One day when were in Florida we were just leaving our hotel room.

There was a lady in the corridor cleaning other rooms.

I asked Shirley to go on to the lifts while I talked to the lady.

I asked the lady cleaning the rooms did you clean our room, her very first reaction was shock or fear on her face.

The lady cleaning the rooms said yes, I then thanked her for doing a very good job and let her know that she was very much appreciated.

The change in the ladies face was very powerful to me.

Then I walked on to join my wife and I asked myself why could I not be so grateful and show it to all people.

That experience changed me in some very healthy ways.

Was it healthy to take so many people for granted.

So to express a gratitude and appreciation was an expression of my values.

It was not person pleasing, it was not trying to get some thing for nothing.

One day I was having a meal with another person in recovery, it was a great meal and I asked the waitress for the bill.

The waitress leaned over and whispered in my ear there is no charge.

I was completed shocked and surprised, yet I could not believe what happened.

It was the very first time that had happened to me and I talked about it with the other person.

Did we both think that if we had not been in our recovery that would have happened the same way.

So my healthy interaction with all people changes how I feel about myself and other people.

The thinking is that we are not able to change other people in our life.

Is that true, surely our being in recovery helps us come out of our self in healthy ways.

Do our healthy actions words interactions help other people nurture and encourage them self to come out even more.

The therapies we give not only help us open up more, to let our hurt inner child to come out more.

The therapies help us reduce our fears but open us to more trust.

To live my life today with healthy interactions rather than reacting in unhealthy ways.

My rage my anger only indicated that my inner child was not healed as yet.

How much do I value myself today.

How much time and effort am I willing to put in to my recovery today.

Love and peace to every one.

Dave L

AKA Dave of Beckenham

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  No more.
Posted by: Bubba55555 - 18-05-2020, 05:55 PM - Forum: Share Section - Replies (1)

My name is Gary. My last bet was 00.30am 18th May 2020.
I am determined never to bet again.
Never to spawn my energy, time or money on the hateful gambling.
I am so much better than just an addicted gambler. I will always love the buzz and addiction, but I know I value my time and family more.  
I just wanted to tattoo this down somewhere public for myself. 
May the universe be kind to me and show me the light and way forward.

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  Zoom Meetings
Posted by: SeanGA - 18-05-2020, 09:09 AM - Forum: Share Section - Replies (1)

Hi All,

Since lockdown started, I have been hosting meetings every Tuesday at 8PM UK GMT via Zoom. This originally started as something for the members in our group (Loughton, UK) but we were speaking about it and realised that newcomers or even other members from other fellowships may wish to join and we should be able to provide a safe space for them to do so. Therefore I would like to invite those of you who would be interested, to join our meeting this evening (and by all means every week recurring)

The invite details are below:

Topic: Loughton GA Meeting
Time: May 19, 2020 08:00 PM London
        Every week on Tue:
        May 19, 2020 08:00 PM UK GMT

Join Zoom Meeting
https://us02web.zoom.us/j/88604117915?pw...BZaGY5QT09

Meeting ID: 886 0411 7915
Password: JFT

Please feel free to join us, share your therapies, and remember you are not at all alone. 

I wish you all a gamble-free day today and every other day going forward!

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  4 weeks in
Posted by: Brenda6155 - 15-05-2020, 06:01 PM - Forum: Share Section - Replies (2)

Well after signing up to Gamstop. This has prevented me from joining any online gambling it has allowed me to get back into reading books and doing all sorts of craft tbings. I have tried adult painting by numbers. crocheting and now signed up for some online project management courses.

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  Recovery was a healing process which helped me give up so many unhealthy habits
Posted by: gadaveuk - 14-05-2020, 12:11 PM - Forum: Share Section - Replies (2)

Hi

Why do I stick with the recovery program if I have not gambled for some time.

The healthy people in the recovery program helped me see that I was not a bad person, that I was not an evil person, that I was not a stupid person, the reason I Gambled was because I was an emotionally vulnerable person.

I am a non religious person and any one who wants to can not only heal that hurt inner child but can become more content can become a person with reduced fears, can become a person with healthy communication skills.

I was a very rebellious person, my motives were unhealthy, I was a very mistrusting person, I was a very lonely person, I was a very inadequate person, I use to fear emotional intimacy, I was not able to articulate my feelings and my emotions, I put up a facade and pretence to hide the hurt inner child in me.

No one could stop me gambling, no one could force me to do the recovery program, no one could take my pains away, no one could stop me being the victim, no one could stop me being the perpetrator, no one could stop me from living in my many fears.

The more I got in to my addictions and my obsessions the harder it was for me to heal and come out of my shell built on many fears.

Any one who can become committed towards the recovery program can make huge changes to their life with out addictions and obsessions.

One question I asked my wife was what was Love, she told me it was giving of your self unconditionally, expecting nothing in return.

I use to say that I loved gambling was that true.

I found out that my addictions and my obsessions were ways of escaping life people and situations.

For me to love was all about healthy interactions with a living person or creature, it is not possible for me to have a healthy interaction with money or material things.

No  amount of money would stop me Gambling, in fact sudden money would cause me to self destruct.

I use to think that laughter was happiness, in time I found out that inner happiness is about complete contentment with in myself.

To be content with who I am today.

To be content with who I am with today.

To be content with where I am with today.

To be content with what I have today.

I use to rush through life and not enjoy it.

My risk taking was an unhealthy habit.

My speeding was an unhealthy habit.

My reactions to people life and situations were very unhealthy.

My impatience and intolerance indicated how hard I was on myself.

I could not compliment myself, I could not validate myself, I could not love myself.

The recovery program was far beyond giving up my addictions and my obsessions.

The recovery program was about healing inwards with in myself.

How much do I value myself today.

Love and peace to every one.

Dave L

AKA Dave of Beckeham

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  2 months strong
Posted by: Sindog - 11-05-2020, 03:52 PM - Forum: Share Section - No Replies

Hi All,

Hope everyone is holding up with everything that’s going on.

First time here, today marks 2 months of no gambling and I’ve never felt happier. This post is for people out there who are struggling and to let them know that there is always hope and to take each day as it comes. The thought of going 2 hours without gambling was beyond me but it’s just about stringing days together at the start and then time starts to fly.

I know I’m by no means cured, but getting stronger each day and looking forward to a gambling free future.

Stay safe everyone x

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  My addictions and my obsessions were very unhealthy for me and every around me.
Posted by: gadaveuk - 10-05-2020, 04:54 PM - Forum: Share Section - No Replies

Hi

How many people felt that their addictions and obsessions were controlling them.

I understand now that I use to escape in many ways long before my addictions and obsessions came in to play.

Only once I was committed towards investing time and energy would I have a chance not only to abstain but to heal my pains and to face my fears.

Because I had so many control issues which were all fear based, only once I admitted that I was emotionally vulnerable and that my way of life was very unhealthy.

Even my motives were unhealthy, my anger was unhealthy, that my communication was very poor and unhealthy.

The recovery program was only a manual to healing and healthy living.

I use to react in very unhealthy ways to the mention of God or religion.

My unhealthy reaction to God or religion was due to the fact that some adults in my life caused me many pains and they were very unhealthy hypocrites.

My recovery was not going to be helped by unhealthy people bullying manipulating threatening me, no my learning would come from people who were healthy nurturing and encouraging towards me.

A healthy nurturing and encouraging sponsor would help me face new challenges, help me learn from my mistakes, they would demonstrate healthy communication skills.

A healthy nurturing and encouraging sponsor would help me over come my fears, I would find that there were many things I could learn from both healthy and unhealthy people, in time I would see and feel myself in unhealthy people.

The wording dysfunctional was very confusing for me, yet over time I would find that dysfunctional people were often very unable to embrace spiritual values, they were short in healthy communication skills.

That dysfunctional people were unable to interact in healthy ways and often dysfunctional people would adversely affect other people one way or another.

One of things I found out about myself was because I was unable to heal my pains I could not move on from my past, blame guilt tripping, even when some thing went missing I would instantly assume that some one had moved or taken some of mine.

Over time my unhealthy instant reaction would help me understand that I was not only an unhealthy person yet if I worked up on myself I could heal and leave my past pains behind me.

My fears disabled me in so many ways, yet all of my fears were a consequence of pains of my past unresolved or unhealed issues.

My fear of being honest came from my child hood, when ever honest as a child I was punished in one way or another, I got in to associating that honesty would always be painful.

That by me being honest was going to cause me to feeling abandoned or rejected, in the recovery program as I opened more and more I found that my honesty was empowering me.

For me the spiritual recovery program once I worked it was going to help me open up more and more, as I moved from telling sad war stories and blame on to talking about my emotional vulnerability I would expose more and more of the hurt inner child in me.

I would open up cry and laugh, I would open up more and my emotional age and my physical age would get closer together.

Today I no longer want to be the victim, I no longer want to be the perpetrator, I no longer want to be frozen in my fears.

Because of the infection issues I miss out on the meetings, I miss out on the talks we do at the recovery center, I miss out on the choice to go some where warm, I miss out on getting things done in the yard, by the way it has snowed here in Calgary Canada.

A person once said at a meeting that he was he was a compulsive gambler, is this man mad, he explained with out his addiction and with out the recovery program he would have never found out how unhealthy he was.

It is my daily choice as to what is healthy and what is unhealthy.

It is my daily choice as to how healthy do I want to become in myself.

Love and peace to every one.

Dave L

AKA Dave of Beckenham.

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  In my recovery each time I went back to addictions obsessions was a chance to learn
Posted by: gadaveuk - 07-05-2020, 05:15 AM - Forum: Share Section - Replies (1)

Hi

In my recovery each time I went back to my unhealthy addictions or my unhealthy obsessions was a chance to learn what was my last emotional trigger.

My emotional triggers were my pains not healed, another emotional triggers were my fears not faced, another emotional triggers were my frustrations due to my unreasonable expectations of people life and situations.

Another emotional triggers were my feelings of loneliness.

Another emotional triggers were my feelings of boredom.

Before my recovery I did not value myself, I even use to think that I must be evil stupid or bad or just no good.

In my recovery I would find out how emotionally vulnerable I was.

Step five was about over coming my fears of emotional intimacy.

I was for sure a victim in my life I suffered emotional abuse, I suffered physical abuse, I suffered sexualnal abuse, I suffered neglect and abandonment, I suffered with lack of nurturing, I suffered with lack of love, I suffered with lack of protection.

My recovery helped me understand that when I said I wanted justice was not true, I wanted vengeance.

The rage that cam out of me was my hurt inner child.

My personal pleasing was unhealthy.

My wanting the easy option was very unhealthy.

My wanting the some thing for nothing was very unhealthy.

In my recovery and healing I had 11 counsellors.

In my recovery I found some very healthy sponsors and friends.

I found that healthy sponsors will not bully manipulate other people.

I found that healthy sponsors would never take credit or responsibility for any part of my recovery.

I found that healthy sponsors would not try and control other people.

I found that healthy sponsors would help me open up and give up living in fears.

I found that healthy sponsors would help me face my fears, open up and over come my fears.

I found that healthy sponsors would help me open up more and learn healthy communication skills.

I found that healthy sponsors would tell me when they felt emotionally vulnerable and how to face new challenges.

The spiritual recovery is an eye opener, it helped me from being a talker to being a walker.

The spiritual recovery helped me understand that I am no longer the victim.

The spiritual recovery helped me heal my inner child mature up, become self efficient, recovery helped me understand my needs, my wants and to open up more and more healthy goals in my life today.

Before I entered in to the spiritual recovery program I was wasting so much time I was like a rat in a wheel going faster and faster getting no where healthy.

I did not walk in to the spiritual recovery feeling worthy of myself or worthy of other people.

One day after being in recovery some considerable time I had built a house extension to our home.

Some one came to look at it, he was complimenting me, the only thing I could do was point our a cracked peace of timber I had fitted.

Before my recovery every thing and every one seemed impossible to me.

I put on a facade a pretence that I was some I was not, this was all built on my fears.

The only time I could mix with people was after having a drink.

Today with fears I am able to be myself to any one.

Before going in to the recovery program I use to think myself as a weak person, that was not true.

After every painful event in my life I was not WEAK I was just a vulnerable person, not the same thing at all.

I learned no matter when I last gambled go to meetings.

I also learned no matter if I have no money go to meetings. 

The most important word in the spiritual recovery program is RECOVERY, for me RECOVERY is and was about healing that hurt inner child in me.

The word in the spiritual program is not about religion of any sort, I am in effect a non religious person.

The word spiritual in the program is about enforcing understanding my own conscience which is based up on spiritual values.

In being in so much pain I was also living in many fears, my most serious fear was my fear of emotional intimacy.

Only when I had empathy for myself could I have empathy for other people.

Only when I loved myself could I love other people.

Only when I trusted myself could I trust other people.

I did not value myself so I could not value other people.

By having such unreasonable expectations of people life and situations I was hurting myself time and time again.

For me the spiritual program is only the manual to healthy spiritual learning, learning the text and words was not enough for me.

How much more do I want to heal my hurt inner child.

How much more do I want to achieve so much more with relationships with myself and other people.

The spiritual recovery program is not a race, recovery is a very slow healing process,  recovery is a very slow baby steps learning curve.

Love and peace to every one.

Dave L

AKA Dave Of Beckenham

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  In my addiction the only time I felt successful was when ever I won
Posted by: gadaveuk - 29-04-2020, 11:48 AM - Forum: Share Section - No Replies

Hi

My addictions and my obsessions were a form of escape.

The sad fact that I would only remember the times that I won which were very few times.

The reason I did not want to remember the losing days was because it was far to painful.

The reason I walked in to the recovery program was not for myself, I could not admit to myself that my addictions and my obsessions were not healthy habits.

I use to react in unhealthy ways to the mention of religion of God.

Only once I was going to meetings for myself was when I was going to achieve more with my recovery.

I am often asked why attend meeting if I have not gambled in a while.

The reason I go to the recovery program today is to be a much healthier person.

I did no understand the full potential I had with in myself.

Once I gave up unhealthy habits I would replace them with healthy habits.

On my very first birthday in the recovery program people complemented me, the things they said about me did not seem true.

I understand that time off gambling does not make me an expert.

Being in the recovery program I am equaled to all people not matter how long they are off htei addiction.

The funny thing was that when they mentioned humbling myself at the beginning of my recovery I use to think that I had to feel less than every one else.

That humbling myself is humbling myself the honesty about myself.

There is an implication that feeling pride in one self is an unhealthy habit, for me feeling pride in my self is the reward for working my healthy recovery and embracing spiritual values in my life today.

That guilt shame regret remorse is replaced with feeling proud of myself and  feeling proud of all the healthy people I know.

The ideal situation is to be emotionally detached from all feelings towards my addictions.

By my working the recovery program I no longer have rage in me.

By my working the recovery program I no longer live frozen in my fears and self doubt.

By my working the recovery program I understand that every time things go wrong my steel is being tested even more.

The pains of my life are being healed today.

The pains of my life which caused fears in me to grow from my child hood, I now face each one of my fears.

My fears use to be 10 out 10, today my fears are in the very low numbers.

The consequences of living in so many fears I was susceptible of going in to a high level of uncontrollable rage, almost like I could not help myself. It is very hard for me to remember the last rage I had.

For me to gamble is a very unhealthy thing to do.

As the walls of fear in me reduced I was able to be more and more honest with myself and then  I was able to be more honest with other people.

I view Gambling as a very unhealthy thing for me to do.

If other people want to gamble that is their choice.

I do not need to have a drink to interact with other people.

A person once pressed the point about me being a good person, I did not think that was true, did they see more in me than I could see and feel in myself.

By me working the recovery program I benefit so much more in my life, my interactions with other people have improved so much.

I have also been able to identify that my communications skills have improved so much.

Money and gambling were at one time my main focus in life.

I Use to think that I loved gambling and that life was boring.

Today my relationships and time are very important to me.

Some one once said at a meeting he was glad he was a compulsive Gambler, sadly with out the recovery program he would never have found out how unhealthy he was or how much he was missing out in his life.

I stick with the recovery program it is not rocket science.

I stick with the recovery program because with out it I would have never got to know how emotionally vulnerable I was.

I stick with the recovery program because it means so much to me today.

Love and peace to every one.

Dave L

Dave of Beckenham

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