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  How much more can I get motivated in myself today
Posted by: gadaveuk - 30-09-2019, 10:15 AM - Forum: Share Section - No Replies

Hi
The spiritual recovery program was going to help me help myself.
The spiritual recovery program was going to help me understand how unhealthy I had become.
The spiritual recovery program was going to help me understand how emotional vulnerable I had become.
The spiritual recovery program was going to help me get my ass in to gear.
The spiritual recovery program was going to help me exchange unhealthy habits in to healthy habits. 
It took me time to understand that my recovery was not about right wrong good or bad, it was about moving from being emotional vulnerable and unhealthy to becoming emotionally stable and emotionally healthy.
I am  a non religious person and today I am a healthy spiritual person, my conscience is based up on spiritual values.
Sadly when I go against my spiritual values and my conscience I hurt myself and other people.
My motives before my recovery was anger resentful reluctance and penace, being healthy my healthy motives means I get some thing for doing and saying healthy in every day of my life.
By living for today, I am emotionally healed stable and disconnected from my past, I am in effect emotionally detached from gambling, I do not hate it, I do not resent it, I do not love it, gambling means nothing to me today.
Having healthy motives I get pride from being healthy, I get pride from my healthy expressions, I get pride from my healthy actions.
Love is giving of myself unconditionally, giving of myself is an expression of my values today.
My expression of gratitude and my appreciation is another expression of my values today.
When I walked in to the recovery program I did not know how unhealthy I was, escaping deviating, avoiding my commitments, becoming less and less self sufficient.
When I walked in to the recovery program I did not know how emotionally traumatized I was, I was emotionally traumatized from the emotional abuse I experienced, I was emotionally traumatized from the physical abuse I experienced, I was emotionally traumatized from the sexual abuse I experienced, I was emotionally traumatized from the abandonment I experienced, I was emotionally traumatized from the rejection I experienced.
Sadly I was emotionally traumatized from the self abuse I caused myself through my addictions and obsessions that I had caused myself.
How much time and effort am I worth today.
How much more selfish can I become in my recovery today.
Today I understand my needs my wants and my goals today.
Relationships and time are very precious to me today.
Relationships and time are the most important things in my life today.
Am I willing to learn new healthy skills today.
Am I willing to learn to become more self sufficient today.
Do I feel threatened by questions today.
Do I feel threatened by emotional intimacy today.
How much do I value myself today.
Love and peace to every one.
Dave L
AKA Dave of Beckenham

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  In admitting to myself that I was emotionally vulnerable was a sign of strength
Posted by: gadaveuk - 29-09-2019, 07:34 AM - Forum: Share Section - No Replies

Hi
The addictions and obsessions was a form of escape for me, escape from people life and situations I could not cope with emotionally.
The addictions and obsessions were places I went to when I could not cope.
I am a non religious person and found healing my hurt inner child took time.
Why did I not use the telephone list, because I either did not feel worthy of asking for help, or I felt that I did not want to inconvenience other people.
By admitting to myself that I was emotionally vulnerable was enabling to start to understand my emotional triggers.
I use to fear being honest because as a child when ever I was honest I was punished for it.
I always associated being honest as being painful.
Today I no longer talk about money lost, I no longer talk about being action.
Today I talk about how I coped with today.
I was not able to communicate before the recovery program.
I use to use swear words because I was not able to articulate myself in healthy ways.
When I try to justify myself I know that I am going against my own conscience or that I am not meeting with my own commitments.
The ideal situation is to be completely emotionally detached from all feelings and emotions towards gambling.
With every therapy I hear I see and feel myself in other people, I see and feel myself in who I use to be, I see and feel myself in who I am today, yet more importantly I see and feel myself in who I can be tomorrow.
Before my recovery I use to do things resentfully and reluctantly.
By doing thing with unhealthy motives I could not get any reward in myself from what I did.
With unhealthy motives I could not get pride in myself.
For every unhealthy habit I give up I replace it with a healthy habit.
Every new healthy habit I Take up make me feel more productive in myself.
Being in the recovery program  today I am far less emotionally vulnerable and no longer have to escape people life and situations.
I am a non religious person and found that by embracing healthy spiritual values I am abe to embrace a healthy life today.
Love and peace to every one.
Dave L
AKA Dave of Beckenham.

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  In my recovery I would face each of my fears.
Posted by: gadaveuk - 27-09-2019, 01:35 PM - Forum: Share Section - No Replies

Hi

The recovery program was a healing process for me.

Only by listing my fears could I do some thing about them.

There was fear of rejection, there was fear of failure, there was fear of humiliation, there was fear of emotional intimacy, there was fear of the dentist, there was fear of dying, there was fear of not being good enough, there was fear of the opposite sex, there was fear of not being able to reach peoples expectations of me, there was fear of being emotionally vulnerable, there was fear of losing my job, there was fear of being alone.

Most of my fears were ten out of ten.


To reduce my fears I needed to take my biggest fear first of all.

With my biggest fear I need to ask myself what is the very worst that can happen if this fear happens.

I need to face all the possibilities.

Only when I am willing to face all of the possibilities of the worst that can happen my fear reduces.

Do I live in any kind of fear today, if so what am I willing to do about it.

Today I do not have a fear greater than three.

With each fear reducing the possibilities of becoming healthy grew.

Love and peace to every one.

Dave L

AKA Dave of Beckenham.

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  What is my emotional age today and what is my physical age today
Posted by: gadaveuk - 27-09-2019, 01:32 PM - Forum: Share Section - No Replies

Hi

When I walked in to the recovery I did not have a clue how unhealthy I was.

I questioned if the recovery program would fix me.

I questioned if I was non religious would I ever become healthy.

I felt that gambling controlled my life.

That was not true, gambling was a way of me escaping people life and situations when I was emotionally vulnerable.

In my life I suffered lots of abuse trauma and pain and my inner child could not heal.

The recovery program is a way of finding a healthy life with out pain and fear hindering us.

The recovery program is a collection of vulnerable people who want to get healthy.

The recovery program helped me understand my emotional triggers.

The recovery program helped me become emotionally detached from all feelings towards gambling and my addictions.

Some times people enter the recovery program abstain from one unhealthy habits and will swap to another unhealthy habit or obsession.

The recovery program helped me that the person I feared facing the most was myself.

The recovery program helped me get motivated in healthy ways.

The recovery program helped me replace guilt shame regret remorse with pride in myself.

So today is my emotional age closer to to my physical age.

So today do I fear emotional intimacy.

Just for today I will not gamble, yet how much more can I do with my life today.

Do I live in any kind of fear today, if so what am I willing to do about it.

To reduce my fears I needed to take my biggest fear first of all.

With my biggest fear I need to ask myself what is the very worst that can happen if this fear happens.

I need to face all the possibilities.

Only when I am willing to face all of the possibilities of the worst that can happen my fear reduces.

Most of my fears were ten out of ten.

Today I do not have a fear greater than three.

There was fear of rejection, there was fear of failure, there was fear of humiliation, there was fear of emotional intimacy, there was fear of the dentist, there was fear of dying, there was fear of not being good enough, there was fear of the opposite sex, there was fear of not being able to reach peoples expectations of me, there was fear of being emotionally vulnerable, there was fear of losing my job, there was fear of being alone.

With each fear reducing the possibilities of becoming healthy grew.

Love and peace to every one.

Dave L

AKA Dave of Beckenham.

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  When was I going to stop being unhealthy
Posted by: gadaveuk - 27-09-2019, 01:13 PM - Forum: Share Section - No Replies

Hi
The recovery program helped me help myself recognize that my addictions and obsessions were not healthy.
When in action I was burying and suppressing my feelings and my emotions.
The recovery program helped me understand that I was emotionally vulnerable long before my first bet or my  first drink.
The recovery program helped me understand my emotional triggers.
My emotional triggers were my pains my fears my frustrations my loneliness and my boredom.
Yet why my reluctance to admit to myself and other I was emotionally vulnerable.
Why my reluctance to ask for help.
Why my reluctance to use the telephone list.
Why my reluctance to exchange unhealthy habits in to healthy habits.
Why my reluctance to put more time and effort in to my recovery.
I am a non religious person.
Yet today I do embrace spiritual values.
Today I am a very healthy selfish person.
The recovery program helped me understand that talking about money lost was not helping me.
The recovery program helped me understand that talking about being in action was not helping me.
The recovery program helped me understand that talking living in the past was not helping me.
The recovery program helped me understand that living in past stunted my growth today.
My anger told me that my hurt inner child was not healed.
My own resentments told me that my hurt inner child was not healed.
How much time and effort am I willing to put in to my recovery.
How much do I put in myself today.
When does the self abuse end and my recovery start.
Love and peace to every one.
Dave L
AKA Dave of Beckenham.

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  When am I ready for a new healthier life and value myself more
Posted by: gadaveuk - 27-09-2019, 01:09 PM - Forum: Share Section - No Replies

Hi
The recovery program helped me help myself recognize that my addictions and obsessions were not healthy.
When in action I was burying and suppressing my feelings and my emotions.
The recovery program helped me set up healthy boundaries.
The recovery program helped me understand that I was emotionally vulnerable long before my first bet or my  first drink.
The recovery program helped me understand my emotional triggers.
My emotional triggers were my pains my fears my frustrations my loneliness and my boredom.
Yet why my reluctance to admit to myself and other I was emotionally vulnerable.
Why my reluctance to ask for help.
Why my reluctance to use the telephone list.
Why my reluctance to exchange unhealthy habits in to healthy habits.
Why my reluctance to put more time and effort in to my recovery.
I am a non religious person.
Yet I embrace spiritual values.
Today I am a very selfish person.
The recovery program helped me understand that talking about money lost was not helping me.
The recovery program helped me understand that talking about being in action was not helping me.
The recovery program helped me understand that talking living in the past was not helping me.
The recovery program helped me understand that living in past stunted my growth today.
My anger told me that my hurt inner child was not healed.
My own resentments told me that my hurt inner child was not healed.
How much time and effort am I willing to put in to my recovery.
How much do I put in myself today.
When does the self abuse end and my recovery start.
Love and peace to every one.
Dave L
AKA Dave of Beckenham.

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  First Post
Posted by: Rgray345 - 26-09-2019, 01:21 PM - Forum: Share Section - Replies (3)

Hi,

Admitting you have a gambling problem seems to be the hardest thing to do. There’s such a stigma around it and so much shame. 

It started for me around 6 years ago, an ex boyfriend showed me how to play slots online and it soon became a habit. 

I’m sure many other people here have a similar story.....it starts out just a small amount for fun then you get a big win! Then you think you will win again so keep depositing money then end up cancelling the withdrawal of the big win. 

Once again I get paid and within 24 hours £X is gone. Now I have no way to pay my bills. 

My boyfriend knows about my gambling and in the past has has to bail me out and pay my bills. He also knows I have £X worth of debts due to this and helps me financially. 

I didn’t want to admit to him I had done it again, I was so ashamed and at my lowest point so thought ending my life was the only way out. I broke down and told him how I felt and what I had done thinking He would leave me. He has stood by me and once again said he would sort out the money. 

I feel so ashamed and so stupid. I have a good job and a house and a lovely puppy and loving boyfriend and I can’t explain why I do it! I always think it’s because of the money but it never is because no win is ever big enough: 

I’m sure I’m not the only person who has tried to hide my habit or lied to people about why I need to borrow money or made excuses for why I have so much debt. 

This has to be the end of it as I cannot do this anymore. 

I just needed to put this down in writing and admit that I have a problem. 

Rebecca

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  First post
Posted by: Jameschristopherson - 21-09-2019, 09:59 PM - Forum: Share Section - Replies (2)

So this Is my first post on here.

I’ve been in denial for a couple of years now believing I could control my gambling however over the past couple of weeks it’s seriously starting to put a strain on me. I’m in debt, I lie to my partner and icebox had some pretty dark thoughts about just ending it all. 

I’ve considered attending gamblers anonymously meetings but I’m worried that if my work found out I’d lose my job.

I feel like I need help but if I try and access help it puts my livelihood at risk, catch 22.

I don’t know ignoring I’m here for answers or just to just finally acknowledge I’ve got an issue, either way I don’t know what to do next.

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  The healthy people in the recovery program were going to help me become healthier
Posted by: gadaveuk - 18-09-2019, 07:20 AM - Forum: Share Section - No Replies

Hi

I did not have a clue why I would go back to self destructive ways time and time again.

Some of the healthy people in the recovery will not bully or manipulate you.

The healthy people in the recovery will be patient and tolerant with you.

Once you gain a sponsor they will help you over come your fears of emotional intimacy.

The healthy people in the recovery will wait for you to talk and open up.

The healthy sponsor will help you learn to articulate your self in a healthy way.

The healthy sponsor will help you set up boundaries and and not involved with unhealthy people.

The healthy sponsor will help you understand and resolve procrastination issues.

The healthy sponsor will help you understand your unhealthy reactions to people life and situations.

The healthy sponsor will let you now when he ignorant and does not know.

The healthy sponsor will help you understand your emotional triggers.

The healthy sponsor will help you ask as many people questions so you can find clarity in your doubts and lack of confidence.

Love and peace to every one.

Dave L

AKA Dave of Beckenham

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  My unhealthy reactions to people life and situations told me I was not healthy yet
Posted by: gadaveuk - 17-09-2019, 01:35 PM - Forum: Share Section - No Replies

Hi
The recovery program would help me face myself and my fears.
 
The recovery program was going to help me understand my emotional triggers.
 
I am a non religious person and I enjoy healthy living today.
 
I use to be angry most of the time.
 
Now I find it difficult to remember when I was last angry.
 
My anger was an unhealthy reaction to my pains to my fears and to my frustrations.
 
Pains in my life caused fears in me that I did not understand or identify.
 
My frustrations were due to my unreasonable expectations of people life and situations.
 
Only when I reduced my expectations would I stop hurting myself.
 
My frustrations were covered understanding the serenity prayer.
 
I use to fear being honest.
 
At each meeting I attend I have no fears.
 
At each meeting I can be myself.
 
I feared emotional intimacy.
 
Today I embrace emotional intimacy.
 
The recovery program was all about healing my hurt inner child 
 
For me the recovery program was a very slow learning curve.
 
The person I feared the most was facing myself.
 
Each time I went back to my addictions and my obsessions I was not facing my emotional triggers.
 
Each time I went back to my addictions and my obsessions was a lesson if I was willing to learn from it.
 
The person I was from day in the recovery program is not the same person I am today.
 
A person once said at a meeting that he was glad that he was a compulsive gambler.
 
If it was not for being in recovery program he would never have found out how unhealthy he was.
 
I use to think how expensive gambling was to me.
 
Today I understand the most expensive bet could have been losing my family.
 
My unhealthy reactions to people life and situations have reduced in so many ways.
 
I understand that walking in to the recovery program me emotional age and my physical age did not match up.
 
The question I needed to ask myself is being angry healthy to me and people around me.
 
When ever I was angry was it healthy to em and people around me.
 
When ever I was angry did I say or do things that I lived in regret of.
 
Am I a victim today.
 
Am I a perpetrator today.
 
Am I a rescuer today.
 
Do my actions and words indicate that my motives are healthy today.
 
The only way I use to get things was due to anger resentments, was that healthy. 
 
Love and peace to every one.
 
Dave L
 
AKA Dave of Beckenham.

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