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  New joiner...how do you deal with the void it leaves.
Posted by: Pickles1976 - 04-03-2020, 07:36 PM - Forum: Share Section - Replies (2)

Hi there...I am a newbie and have just admitted to myself that I have a problem...I have done all the self exclusion stuff and was wondering how people deal with the void it leaves.

I only bet on fruit machines or online, and most of the time i didn’t know why I was doing it as it was not making feel good (even when winning)...but it seems to have left a void that I am feeling hard to deal with.

I want to beat this and I need to identify the solution for this void.

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  Before the start of my recovery I was inept inadequate insecure immature.
Posted by: gadaveuk - 03-03-2020, 11:55 AM - Forum: Share Section - No Replies

Hi

On entering the spiritual recovery program I was not doing it for myself.

The longer I was involved with my addictions and my obsessions the less likely I was going to do it for myself.

I did not enter the recovery program for myself, I did it because I felt I did not have a choice.

One day I would identify the simple fact I was very much like a rat in a wheel going faster and faster getting nowhere healthy.


My addictions and my obsessions only indicated that I was emotionally vulnerable, I was not a bad person, I was not an evil person, I was not a  stupid or dumb person, I was trying to bury and suppress my pains fears and frustrations.

The gambling establishments did not hurt me I hurt myself, the gambling establishments encouraged me to stay in their establishments so that I would hand over my money.

I use to think that people with  money were successful people.

One person I met I said to that person are you happy you have all this money.

The person asked me if I thought that money was his main goal in his life, I said yes, he said I got it wrong, his main goal in his life was to be successful, the consequences of being successful was more income, his goal was never money or material things.

Before my recovery I felt very vulnerable with groups of people, I felt that I needed to have some drinks so that my fears reduced.

The simple truth was that I feared emotional intimacy long before my addictions and my obsessions.

I am anon religious person, yet I embrace spiritual values, days we got married a person told my wife that I was a good person.

How could it be that person was so sure of the fact that deep down I was a good person.

Yet over time I did not understand my emotional triggers, I did not understand when I felt emotionally vulnerable. 

The spiritual recovery program could not stop me gambling, that was going to be my own choice.

The spiritual recovery program was a manual to finding a healthy life with out my addictions and my obsessions.

Once I took the spiritual recovery program seriously I was not only be able to abstain from a lot of unhealthy habits, I was going to blossom and open up and became a healthy productive self sufficient healthy person I would be proud of.

The healthy people in the spiritual recovery program was going to encourage me to attend meetings no matter when my last bet was, to encourage me to attend meetings even if I had no money.

The healthy people in the spiritual recovery program would clap me and complimented me on my honesty when I admitted having a bet just hours before a meeting.


The healthy people in the spiritual recovery program would be encouraging towards me and be nurturing towards me when I felt most vulnerable.

There are some people who will say that pride is unhealthy, the simple truth is pride is healthy, when we say or do some thing that is healthy we reward our self with pride in our self and our new found skills.

Sadly the unhealthy people in the spiritual recovery program will try and trick people, manipulate people, or even bully people in the rooms of recovery, this is very unhealthy indeed and not only affects the person who is being hurt but also reduced the trust in the meeting.

The people in the spiritual recovery program would never take any credit what so ever for another person recovery, in fact it is and was very imperative that sponsor helps persons to take full responsibility for their credit and advances in their growth, this encouragement this nurturing helps a person build up confidence and self esteem in them self.

Some people will often think that clean time can be lost, not so no matter if person admits to have a bet after decades that clean time is lost, not so, yet a person will question their own recovery and if they did not fully understand all of their emotional triggers.

The ideal situation is to be completely emotionally detached from all feelings and emotions towards addiction obsessions and any form of escape.

The question is when is a person being obsessive about some thing, it is important to understand our needs our wants and our goals, it was very important to write them all down, that is my commitment to myself.

If I do a thing for far to long I am not being healthy towards myself, it is important for me to have breaks after a certain amount of time, to relax and get clarity in my mind.

Identifying all of my fears was very important, to take the greatest fear in my life and to face it head on, what is the very worst thing that could happen, by taking my biggest fear ever fear after that seems so much easier and simpler to face.

My theory is that every fear we have is a consequence of unhealed pains of my past.

For me it is possible to face my fears with out knowing or understanding which pain caused fears in me.

I did Karate fro two years, I would say that I did it obsessively, and after two years would recognize that my fears of aggression and confrontation came earlier in my child hood.

Can an unhealthy person adversely affect another person, yes for sure, my control issues in my family caused unhealthy reactions from my family, only when I was in the healing process could I see the fear in my family reduce.

How do I measure my recovery is how honest my family can be when I am with them.

Was I a victim in my life, yes for sure,  was I a perpetrator in my life, yes for sure,  was I a rescuer in my life, yes for sure.

Each of these is unhealthy, just because I stopped my addiction and my obsessions did not mean I was being healthy in myself or with my family.

My fear of emotional intimacy started earlier in my child hood, in the meetings I could only open up very slowly and it took em time to trust meetings and people who were addicts.

Often we hold a open debate of how meeting is working out.

Do people want any thing to change, how much we read, if we are free to comment and question on readings only, by this openness and freedom can people make further decisions and how to communicate their needs wants and their future goals.

I had to admit that I did not like feeling like I was the victim, for me to stop being the victim I needed to speak out for myself from a place of peace. To set up healthy boundaries.

The addictions and obsessions were a form of escape, escaping people life and situations I could not cope with.

My frustrations were due to my unreasonable expectations of people life and situations, by me having unreasonable expectations of people life and situations, I was in effect causing myself pains time and time again, my unreasonable expectations of people life and situations came from my child hood.

My unreasonable expectations when I was a child I was hurting myself,  sadly my parents were unable to love them selves, so they were unable to love me, my parents were unable to open to emotional intimacy to them selves, so they were unable to to emotional intimacy with me.

My parents were unable to say they loved me, my parents were unable to be nurturing and encouraging to them self so they were unable to be nurturing and encouraging towards me, my parents were unable to compliment them selves.

How healthy am I today, how much more can I do with my life today.

Do I show appreciation and gratitude to all people in my life today.

How many spiritual values do I show towards other people today.

Love and peace to every one.

Dave L

AKA Dave of Beckenham

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  Abstaining from unhealthy habits means I am able to heal from my pains
Posted by: gadaveuk - 29-02-2020, 08:18 AM - Forum: Share Section - No Replies

Hi

It took me time to settle in to taking the recovery program seriously.

The spiritual recovery program was going to help me help myself.

No one could stop me gambling that was sure, no one could help me get honest with myself.

Only once I was able to refrain from unhealthy habits, I could only start my healing process I had stopped causing myself pains.

The healthy people in the spiritual recovery program was going to help me feel comfortable, only by their honesty could I open up.


I was able to give up talking and thinking of money lost or of being worried about funds and money lost.

The ideal situation is to be emotionally disconnected from all thoughts and feeling towards my unhealthy habits.


In time I was able to abstain from certain unhealthy habits.

In time I was able to give up living in fear and worrying about things I could not change or alter that day.

Living for today empowered me in so many ways.

For me procrastination was very unhealthy, my lack of commitment, my lack of confidence, my lack of self esteem, before my recovery I was a loner, I was wasting my life away and did not even see it that way.

Money lost was not about money, money was just the fuel for my addictions, when I handed over my finances did I find other ways of escaping or deviating facing myself people and the world.

Being in the spiritual recovery program I was going to find out that I could not celebrate in healthy ways.

I use to fear mixing with groups of people, yes I put o a very good front, like I was in control of my life.

My motives changed being in recovery.

My last bet could have been so costly that I would have lost my family.

Did my living in my fears cause disconnection and failing relationships from other people.

I  do not want or need to lie to myself or other people today.

I have been in recovery over forty nine years, I have been clean from gambling twenty six consecutive years, so if I have not gambled in such along time why attend meetings.

The healthy people in the spiritual recovery program was going to help me focus on progress not perfection.

I am still healing even today my hurt inner child.

The rage in me came from my hurt inner child, the vengeance in me came from my hurt inner child, my frustrations in me came from unreasonable expectations from my hurt inner child.

It took me over twenty years to learn that anger was a consequence of my unreasonable expectations of people life and situations and when things did not go my way I would cause myself pains.

Only when I love myself could I love other people.

Only when I respect myself could I respect other people.

Only when I had empathy for myself could I have empathy other people.

My control issues were fear based.

My motives were very unhealthy on walking in to the recovery.

In my recovery I found that money was earned due to my hard work, each time I gave my money away I was working more and more for nothing.

By working out my net hourly rate could I understand how much time it took me to earn that last lost money amount.

In my recovery I found out more and more what love was, I found out more and more what sincerity was, I found out how much more productive I could be.

My emotional age and my physical age did not match up.

I understand that each kind of abuse I suffered adversely affected my growth.

I would justify my unhealthy ways.

Each time I would justify my unhealthy ways I knew deep down I was going against my own conscience.

Lying about money or my time or how I was feeling was a betrayal of people trust of me.

No money in the world would give me a healthy life until my hurt inner child was healed.

For me happiness is about being content not trying to find some thing material to give me pleasure.

I am anon religious person and questioned if I did not believe in any thing what so ever could I find peace and contentment in my life by my healthy actions and by my healthy words.

In my recovery I found that healing and getting healthy was very slow.

Yet in my recovery it is some thing that takes time.

Therapies were very essential, the simple fact that therapies were going to help me get in touch with my hurt inner child.

There is an implication that pride is an unhealthy thing to have.

For me pride is the reward we give our self for our by my healthy actions and by my healthy words and also being productive.

An important word is to become self sufficient, to learn new skills so we can do things for our self.

In the old days I would get people to do things for me, I was cheating myself in so many ways.

Yet in my recovery it was important to ask for help, to ask people to show me how I can do things for myself.

With new challenges with new skills my confidence improved, my self worth improved, I see the recovery program is like mountain climbers we are all tied to each other people so that we find new safer skills in facing people life and situations.

To always have a plan B in case things do not work out that we hoped they would.

In my time I have had some very powerful therapies from people that blew me away.

I have felt some very deep seated powerful pains raise to the surface.

I do believe that had I not taken my recovery seriously that hurt inner child would never have been able to come out and play.
 
I take my recovery very seriously and think that our healthy habits have empowered us to new found skills and  new found confidence.

Today I am not willing to give up faith and hope in myself no matter what happens.

Each day I write down my needs, I write down my wants,  I write down my goals.

Each day I write down things I am being committed to myself.

Love and peace to every one.

Dave L

AKA Dave of Beckenham

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  In trouble through gambling
Posted by: Lee1989 - 23-02-2020, 05:38 PM - Forum: Share Section - Replies (2)

So my first post, I’m 30 years old and have struggling with gambling for the last 18 months.
I don’t gamble regularly maybe once a month, but when I do I gamble every last penny I have right through my overdraft and then have no money left for bills, I feel sick to my stomach.
I’ve had to take out various loans to stay afloat, but don’t think I’ll be allowed any more. Infact I’m dreading a phone call from the bank.
This needs to stop now!! If it’s not too late already 
I’ve excluded myself from sites but then end up opening new accounts on other sites, I feel so stupid.

I’m planning on starting to attend GA meetings and hopefully get much needed help/assistance but the nearest meeting is quite a way from me but I will still make the journey to attend.

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  Recovery for me was a healing of my pains process
Posted by: gadaveuk - 23-02-2020, 12:14 PM - Forum: Share Section - No Replies

Hi

By going to meetings I was able to abstain from my addictions and my obsessions.

By me abstaining from my addictions and my obsessions I was stop causing pains to myself. 

I am often questioned if you have not gambled in so long why attend the recovery program meetings.

For me abstaining from my addictions and my obsessions was just the deepest part of my healing process.

I use to think and feel that my addictions and my obsessions were controlling me.
That I understand was not so, my addictions and my obsessions were a way of me escaping in my fears from people life and situations from my past.

Sadly I was only able to heal those pains I would acknowledge in myself.

When people asked me how I was feeling did I say I was fine not so bad.

In truth I could not inform people that I was emotionally vulnerable.

I have been a victim in my life, I kept asking myself why does it always happens to me those pains.

The reason I had been a victim in my life was the simple fact I could not stand up for myself.

For me to stop being a victim I needed to speak up for myself from a place of peace.

The ideal situation in my recovery was to be completely detached from all my feelings and my emotions towards Gambling.

To no longer think that Gambling would make me feel successful, that was never true.

To no longer blame Gambling for my unhealthy ways.

To no longer think Gambling ruined my life, that was not true, I ruined my life by wasting time relationships,  the Gambling  never made me do 
any thing that I did not want to do.

I am a non religious person yet I am and was able to perform many things in my life without  the Gambling.

If other people want to gamble that is their choice,  I do not resent people who are not compulsive gamblers.

Being in my recovery anger and rage reduced to nothing.

I was able to learn to respect myself and to love myself.

In doing so I was able to learn to respect other people and the law.

The spiritual recovery program is about being the healthiest person I can be today.

The daily question did I write down my needs my wants and my goals today.

Today was I able to cross things off list that I had achieved.

Today was I able to say that I was proud of who I am today.

Today was I able to say that I was productive in many ways today.

My resentments told me that I was not healing my pains.

My jealousy told me that I was not be as productive as I could be.

Every time a person goes back to their addictions and obsessions do I learn from them.

It was very important that I did not put other people on a pedestal because if they ever fall back in to unhealthy ways I would assume I would fail.

We all work as a team learning from others unhealthy ways and how we can avoid making the same mistakes.

Today I can be honest with out being cruel.

Today I can be free of fear of being honest.

I do understand that my relationship with myself is adversely affected if I am not honest with myself.

The spiritual recovery program was a very slow learning curve for me.

By being in the spiritual recovery program my motives for doing things became more and more healthy.

The spiritual recovery program was not and is not a race today, it is about progress not perfection.

To be content with in myself was very healthy indeed.

Love and peace to every one.

Dave L

AKA Dave of Beckenham

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Rainbow New member
Posted by: lauraevo01 - 22-02-2020, 05:19 PM - Forum: Share Section - No Replies

Hi,I’m new to this site, I don’t want know where to start, i was introduced to online gambling about 3 years ago, I didn’t really use it At first it’s been I’ve over the past year where it has got has got increasly worse, where the majority of my wages would go to gambling, Iv only had one big win which was only about £xx, I feel sick with the amount iv spent, most of my savings have gone within a few weeks, Iv self excluded my self from all sites, because I knew I had to stop, my  partner doesn’t know I just feel guilty that Iv been doing this firstly it was out of boredom but now it’s a full addiction, constantly worrying about how’s am I going to survive the rest of the month, all my bills are payed for but when I think of the hard earned money I have sent makes me feel sick.
So today is the day I’m facing this head on and come to terms with I do have a gambling addition 
Thanks for reading  Heart

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  By going back to my addictions and obsessions was a form of escape for me
Posted by: gadaveuk - 21-02-2020, 11:07 AM - Forum: Share Section - No Replies

Hi

The addictions and the obsessions were a form of escape for me from people life and situations I could not cope with emotionally.

The addictions and the obsessions were a symptom that I was emotionally vulnerable.

The addictions and the obsessions were a complete waste of time and energy.

I am a non religious person yet I do embrace spiritual values in my life today.

My anger was due to my pains not healed, my fears not faced and due to my frustrations due to my unreasonable expectations of  people life and situations.

Before my recovery I was a loner, I use to live a facade where I thought and felt that money would heal my inner child.

By me being dysfunctional I reacted in such unhealthy ways.

Money was the fuel for my addictions, I did not value money and I did not value myself.

There is an implication that feeling pride in our self is unhealthy.

For me feeling pride in my self is very healthy and is the reward for being a healthy interactive person with all people.

Often the recovery program raised more questions that answers, yet it stimulated me.

I see the recovery program as very much like mountain climber who find healthy safe paths through their lives.

As I heal my hurt inner child I feel more connected with like minded people in the recovery program.

For me being in the recovery program has opened my mind to learning much healthier skills in my life.

The person I feared facing the most was myself, I got to know myself much more in my sharing therapies.

By being consumed by my addictions and my obsessions I was not reaching my full potential and I was wasting away.

I could not or would not compliment myself, I could not ask for help, I use to hear good advice yet could not act up on it.

The recovery program was just text and words, not until I put in to practice things I heard could I grow heal and reach a higher potential in my every day life.

The recovery program is not about right wrong good or bad, it is about becoming whole and healthy.

For me people saying what is right wrong good or bad is a criticism and is not very helpful.

In my therapies I talk about me and what is healthy or what is unhealthy today.

Often people will transfer their pains fears and frustrations on to other people.

This is very unhealthy and in time I did not want to hurt myself or hurt other people.

For me the recovery program helped me get connected with goal setting like minded people.

My local group has been very helpful in me getting out of myself.

Am I healing my hurt inner child today.

Has my procrastinations been reduced.

Do I feel more connected with other people in healthy ways today.

How much more effort can I put in to my healthy actions and my healthy words today.

Love and peace to every one

Dave L

AKA Dave of Beckenham

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  First post 100k loan debt in 8 months!
Posted by: 55kdown - 18-02-2020, 03:52 PM - Forum: Share Section - Replies (3)

So this is my first post..

I am a 30 year old husband and father.
I started of playing bj online at live casinos with £x it started of as fun win £x a day.. suddenly I was playing more each day and winning! Within around 2 weeks I was at x

Right so you would stop right.. no I kept going it seemed to easy I wanted more.. so I think it was a Sunday wife was in a bath and I had nothing else to do.. 20 mins later I’m down to around x! I felt sick to my stomach!

So I thought I need more money to win that all back and decided to use my credit card for the amount of x to win it back fast!  So now I’m using money that isn’t mine!
Long story short I lost it all!! I then borrowed around x lost all that told my father he meant me money to pay back the loan companies I didn’t I gambled again and lost!

I’m now thinking what to do.. I end up getting a x second charge loan on my property  pay off some of the loans  and said to myself that’s it’s!

But I couldn’t let it go I wanted to get out of debt I wanted to win it back and clear all off this! 

So I ended up getting loans again and again I’m now in over x worth of debts! I’ve gone to citizens advice went to Iva company was refused help as gambling is on my statements!

I’ve been suicidal and I’m constantly depressed for the stupid mistakes I’ve made and I’m at a dead end now and don’t really know what to do!

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  Every time I went back to my addictions or my obsessions was an emotional trigger.
Posted by: gadaveuk - 18-02-2020, 09:30 AM - Forum: Share Section - No Replies

Hi

Every time I went back to my addictions or my obsessions was an emotional trigger I could understand more about.

My addictions and my obsessions was the symptoms I was emotionally vulnerable.

In my experience when people say that when I am emotionally vulnerable and gambled was just excuses.

Not so for me I understand that I escaped to my addictions or my obsessions indicated to me that I was escaping or deviating facing people life and situations I felt that I could not cope with.

My emotional triggers were my pains not healed, my fears not faced, they were my frustrations due to my unreasonable expectations of people life and situations, my feelings of loneliness due to my fears of emotional intimacy, and my feelings of boredom.


Every time I escaped to my addictions and my obsessions meant I was giving up all faith and all hope in myself.

Every time I said to myself oh who cares anyway I was giving up all faith and all hope in myself.

On walking in to the recovery program could I explain or articulate my feelings and my emotions to myself or anyone else.

Being honest could I be honest to myself.

If just before walking in to the spiritual recovery program some one gave me money would I have gone in to that first meeting.

I am a non religious person, would the recovery program work for me.

My success in my recovery is all up to me working hard on my recovery and being with healthy like minded people.

The spiritual recovery program is a manual to finding a healthy life without not having my addictions and with out having obsessions.

The twenty questions were very clear to read yet how long for me to get honest with my answers.

On walking in to the recovery program I was not an evil person, I was not a stupid person, yet might have been very ignorant and inept.

Before walking in to the recovery program I had suffered so many pains in my life and those pains cased fears in me that I did not fully understand.

Could I admit to myself I was so nervous and scared walking in to that very first meeting.

That I feared the telephone ringing, that I feared the post arriving, that I feared being honest, that I feared strangers coming to the front door, that I feared opening up letters, that I feared people asking me questions, that I feared aggression and confrontation, that I feared the opposite sex, that I feared being myself.

The ideal situation is to be  emotionally detached all feelings and emotions towards my addictions and my obsessions.

On first being in the meetings I was talking about money, about money lost, about the adrenaline rush, I even use to think that I loved my addictions how weird is that.

So by moving away from talking about money or being in action I got to give therapies about how I am coping with life today.

In time I gave in depth therapies, how I process my feelings and my emotions today.

I did think that I could not resolve or deal with my fears.

In time I felt more than comfortable attending meetings.

As my fears reduced my trust grew more and more.

There is nothing I can do about money lost, only once I accept that simple fact I could move on with my life.

Were my motives healthy walking in to the recovery program, I did most thing reluctantly and resentfully, I left things to the very last moment and caused myself lots of stress and fears.

Procrastination was my second name.

In time I would write things down, I would have daily lists, my needs,  my wants, my goals.

I had very poor tolerance, I could not be patient and tolerant, being impatient and intolerant indicated that I was very hard on myself.

The spiritual recovery program would help me learn that recovery is not about perfection but more about progress however small it is.

I left school with out any qualifications what soever, my very first job was in a fair ground.

By being in recovery I would discover how much potential I have with in myself.

I am able to learn, I am able to listen and see every ones perspective in life and relationships.

My addictions or my obsessions indicated that I was emotionally vulnerable that is all.

I did not know how to celebrate, I did not know how to compliment myself, I did not know how to reward myself, I did not know how to respect myself, I did not know how to love myself, I did not know how to focus on one thing at a time, I did not know how to live life with out worrying.

As I heal my hurt inner child he comes out to play and interact with all people.

Love and peace to everyone.

Dave L

AKA Dave of Beckenham

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  Just for today
Posted by: keith.fessey@hotmail.co.uk - 16-02-2020, 04:52 PM - Forum: Share Section - No Replies

My name Keith and I am a compulsive Gambler.
Just for today I did not gamble. So 1 week into my recovery I am feeling good.
Today I did not gamble by following some simple rules I discovered in the GA rooms
do not tempt and do not test yourself. Still doing one day at a time.
and I did not gamble yesterday and that made me a bit stronger for today.
Not gambling today will make me stronger for tomorrow.
I can do something for 12 hours that would appal me if I felt I had to do it for a lifetime.
Yours in recovery Keith.

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