Gamblers Anonymous Forum
Humbling myself is about being honest to myself, I was emotionally vulnerable - Printable Version

+- Gamblers Anonymous Forum (https://forum.gamblersanonymous.org.uk)
+-- Forum: Main Forum (https://forum.gamblersanonymous.org.uk/forumdisplay.php?fid=23)
+--- Forum: Share Section (https://forum.gamblersanonymous.org.uk/forumdisplay.php?fid=7)
+--- Thread: Humbling myself is about being honest to myself, I was emotionally vulnerable (/showthread.php?tid=10807)



Humbling myself is about being honest to myself, I was emotionally vulnerable - gadaveuk - 15-10-2019

Hi
Humbling myself is about being honest to the truth about myself, I was not evil, I was not a bad person, I was not a stupid person, I was just emotionally vulnerable.
At the mention of being humble I thought it meant I had less value than ever one else.
Humbling myself to the honesty about myself empowers me.
The recovery program is about healing, I am a non religious person yet I do embrace spiritual values.
The addictions and the obsessions were ways of me escaping people life and situations I could not cope with emotionally.
The healthy people in the recovery program would help me see myself in others through therapies.
If I am humbled to be equal to all people then if they can achieve so can I.
The recovery program is very much like mountain climbers who start off lacking confidence filled with fears are helped in to making healthy safe choices and learn to make healthier choices and have improved skills.
I am often asked why it is that to this day I attend usually two meetings a week.
The recovery program is very much like learning to take slow daily baby paces in my new found skills.
Why do people decline from using the telephone lists, is it fear, is it lack of confidence, is it lack of us valuing our self, is it fear of appearing weak and vulnerable, is it fear that we will hear some thing we do not want to hear.
As my time has become more productive my confidence has grown, my value of myself  has grown, I do not fear failing, in fact I now understand that if I do not even try I am failing myself.
The pains of my past became my fears I did not understand.
My emotional triggers were my pains not healed, another trigger were my fears not faced, another trigger were my frustrations due to my unreasonable expectations of people life and situations, another trigger were my feelings of loneliness, another trigger were my feelings of boredom, that any thing I did was not work while.
In the last three weeks there certain jobs that I was not very confident in, that made me doubt myself, with each one once I started my confidences increased and my fears reduced.
I am going to make a made to measure table for my wife, I am looking forward to doing the job.
I look forward to doing talks at a recovery center, I enjoy questions and interactions, I want people in puts, I want people to feel that they are having some in put.
In the recovery program there are healthy people who are sponsors, they will not bully people or manipulate people, healthy sponsors will be tolerant and patient with people, healthy sponsors will not take any responsibility for another person progress.
In time I have heard people say to new members you have to do this, or you have to do that, sadly by directing talks directly at new people will scare them away.
When I was first in the recovery program I was emotionally traumatized, I was so much so I wanted to hide.
I use to fear the telephone, I use to fear the postman, I use to fear people coming to the house, I use to fear people seeing me go in to meetings.
I use to fear step four, I use to fear being honest, I use to fear being accountable, I use to fear letting my wife know that I was emotionally vulnerable.
I have often people say that the reason we gamble is just excuses, they will nto accept that they have certain emotional triggers.
Is it important to know why we gamble, for me yes very much, once we understand our emotional triggers only then we can do some thing about them.
I use to fear Christmas I use to fear the dentist, I use to fear the tax man, I use to fear apologizing, I use to fear rejection and abandonment, I use to fear being myself.
Once I see myself and feel myself in other people therapies, I can relate to those people.
Often after a very stimulating meeting people will talk after meeting very late.
There was at least a couple of times that my sharing afterwards went on to 11pm or later.
When we can relate to another persons sharing it helps our recovery even if we do not understand how.
I use to think that because I was non religious that recovery would not work for me.
That was not true.
When was I ready for counselling, once I had no fears about talking of every unhealthy actions and painful trauma if my life.
Humbling myself is empowering.
Humbling myself to the honesty of myself means I am less vulnerable.
In the recovery program I would learn of my full potential if I put work in to myself.
I am a very selfish person today.
Every minute and hour working my recovery has given me so much benefits in being the most productive healthiest spiritual person I can be today
Yet I give of myself unconditionally expecting noting back in return but pride and self worth.
Love and peace to every one.

Dave L

AKA Dave of Beckenham.