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Each time I went back to my addictions and obsessions was an emotional trigger - Printable Version

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Each time I went back to my addictions and obsessions was an emotional trigger - gadaveuk - 21-01-2020

Hi

I use to think that each time I went back to my addictions and obsessions was me failing.

Over time I would understand more about each one of my  emotional triggers.

For me my emotional triggers were my pains not healed.

Another of my emotional triggers were my fears not faced.

Another of my emotional triggers were my frustrations due to my unreasonable expectations of people life and situations.

Another of my emotional triggers were my fears of emotional intimacy, loneliness.

Another of my emotional triggers were my feelings of boredom.

I use to think that due to my last bet I had lost all of my clean time, not so often I had only gambled one day, clean time can not be lost.

The important thing about the recovery program is to keep going, no matter when my last bet was, no matter if I have no money, keep going because I will value myself, I will become selfish about my recovery.

You will often hear people say that the reasons we gamble are just excuses, that for me is not so.

On walking in to the recovery program was I willing or able to say that I lived in my fears.

On walking in to the recovery program was I willing to say that I feared the postman.

On walking in to the recovery program was I willing to say that I feared the telephone ringing.

On walking in to the recovery program was I willing to say that I feared strangers coming to my home.

Being in the recovery program some time was I willing to admit that I feared being honest.

Being in the recovery program some time was I willing to admit that I feared emotional.

Being in the recovery program some time was I willing to admit that I feared failing.

Being in the recovery program some time was I willing to admit that I feared being alone.

Being in the recovery program some time was I able to admit that I was failing in my communication skills.

Being in the recovery program some time was I able to admit that I was living in the guilt shames an regrets of my past.

I am a non religious person yet I thoroughly embrace spiritual values today.

The dreams of my past have now become my reality today.

The healthy people in the spiritual recovery program helped me become healthier and healthier.

Why reluctant to use the telephone list, was it because I felt unworthy, was it because I felt fear of emotional intimacy, was it because I did not feel worthy, was it because I was reluctant to change.

Procrastination was it because I felt fear being committed to myself, was it because I feared being motivated, was it because I feared change would be painful, was it because I felt uncomfortable.

How long would it take me to value myself.

Who I was on day one of entering the spiritual recovery program is not who I am today.

If I am able to enter the spiritual recovery program and succeed any one can.

Am I humbled to be an equal to all in the spiritual recovery program then if one person can learn a new skill in the spiritual recovery program then I can.

Do I admit to myself that I was a victim, then that to can change, I can change that.

Do I admit to myself that I was a perpetrator, then that to can change, I can change that.

Every healthy person in the spiritual recovery program has some thing to share with me.

Love and peace to everyone.

Dave L

AKA Dave of Beckenham.