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I use to think that I would be the last person on this planet who would stop gambling - Printable Version

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I use to think that I would be the last person on this planet who would stop gambling - gadaveuk - 11-11-2020

Hi 

Before my recovery before the healing of my hurt inner child I use to think that my addiction controlled my life and how i use to feel.

I did not get it that in time and working my recovery I would be not only to live each day with out gambling but I am able to live each day with out being angry, I am able to live each day with out wanting to escape from my feelings and my emotions, I am able to live each day with fulfilling my needs fulfilling my wants  fulfilling my goals.

In time I would understand that my addictions and my obsessions only indicated that I was emotionally vulnerable.

Yet I kept going, I needed more than one meeting per week to abstain,  I needed a meeting with healthy therapies, I needed a meeting with healthy honesty.

One tie I had gone 11 month and two weeks with out gambling they were arranging my birthday, and I gambled, I did not want to go back to the meeting, I felt I let them down, I felt stressed out facing those people, I felt stressed out thinking that they would want to compliment me.

By being in the meetings I knew the only person I feared facing was myself.

When ever a person admits to go back to gambling there is signs by people in the rooms, I use to think that they were dis appointed in me, sadly there body language was they were feeling my pains.

Healthy people in he recovery program will help nurture encourage and inspire enthusiasm in other people.

Healthy people in he recovery program will help people learn from their mistakes and from their emotional vulnerability.

Some people think that time off means you know all the answers, for me that is not so.

Some people may think that my time off means that all my pains have been healed, that all my fears have been faced, that all my frustrations have been reduced, that all my boredom have been completely replaced with all full days in my life today, that all my emotional loneliness have been removed by my emotional intimacy with people today.

For me at the beginning it was very slow baby steps and using the telephone.

It was some one to suggest to me to call some one before I gambled,  so obvious so simple yet I had to work things out over time.

There were meetings after meetings, they were times I did not get to bed until 11pm 12am.

My addictions and obsessions were a form of escape.

I needed to not focus on money lost.

I needed to not focus on blame and justification.

For me the recovery program is about healing, recovery healing, the money was just the fuel for my addiction.

Each day I abstained from Gambling. 

Each day I abstained from smoking. 

Each day I abstained from getting drunk.

Each day I abstained from living in fears and panic.

Each day I abstained from speeding.

Each day I abstained from being angry.

Each day I abstained from reacting in unhealthy ways.

Each day I changed from unhealthy reacting in to unhealthy interacting.

Love and peace to every one.

Dave L

AKA Dave of Beckenham