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Only once I admit to myself I am unhealthy can I make healthy changes. - Printable Version

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Only once I admit to myself I am unhealthy can I make healthy changes. - gadaveuk - 05-05-2021

My Addictions and Obsessions only indicated that I was emotionally vulnerable. I am a nonreligious person who was a very unhealthy person who had Addictions and Obsessions, In time I would learn what were my emotional triggers, my pains I could not heal, my fears I could not face, my frustrations were due to my unreasonable expectations of people life and situations in my life, my loneliness due to my fears of emotional intimacy, my boredom because I was unable to be productive in healthy ways. Each time I went back to my Addictions and Obsessions was a chance to learn and understand what my emotional triggers were, to change my unhealthy reactions. Some might view Addictions and Obsessions as a way of escaping. Why did I fear being honest, as a child when I was honest I was hurt by many adults. Why did I fear emotional intimacy, because I had been hurt emotionally physically and sexually far too many times in my life. I felt that I was unloved and unwanted. Isolating myself made me feel more vulnerable. Because of PTSD and trauma in my life I could not articulate my feelings and my emotions. In time in the best healthy meeting for me I was able to talk beyond the money addictions and open to the possibility of giving a deep therapy. I use to feel that I was very weak, in truth I was in did a survivor, everything that could have broken me had been done to me at one time or another and I was able to get through life at a very limited way. Before my recovery I put on a mask, a show making out that I was some thing or someone I was not. The mask and the show to protected my hurt inner child. In time people stopped trying to play mind games with me because they understood they did not work on me. At what time was I willing to go to meetings, day one I did it for other people, in time I would identify that I was unhealthy and in time I would want and need to heal my hurt inner child. Healthy persons do not need to or want to react in unhealthy ways again. There was a time I was angry and most of the time, in healing I trend to interact with all people rather than react in unhealthy ways. My expression of gratitude and appreciation is an expression of my healthy values today. My hurt inner child was never going to get healed with money or being with unhealthy people. I am not able to change other people however unhealthy they are, it is not in my power. In saying I have to implies I am obsessive, to understanding my wants my needs and my goals today. In time once I abstained from unhealthy habits, I would exchange unhealthy habits in to healthy habits. I would learn to love myself. I would learn to respect myself. I would learn to validate and compliment myself. I would learn to be patient and tolerant with myself. Every unhealthy action or unhealthy word has unhealthy consequences. Every healthy action or unhealthy word has healthy consequences. Do I want to be the healthiest person most productive person I can be today. The choices are mine today.