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+--- Thread: lonely xmas day. (/showthread.php?tid=2890)
lonely xmas day. - andy again - 25-12-2010
My name is Andy and Im a compulsive gambler,here now on xmas day,some 220 days without a bet,I sit here all lonely and sad,yet again on a xmas day,as have done for at least the last 10 years plus.
Cant remember when the last time I had a happy time,maybe thats why I detest stinking xmas time.
Was this all a result of my gambling for the past 25 years?Or is it that I am so depressed and mentally destroyed inside that I cant face being with family that I have left,as I dont have many friends in fact ive probably only got 1 friend in life and he is very happily married with children so there wont be know going out with any friends for me.
All I can say is that I havent gambled for 220 days and wont gamble today.
So I guess thats something,but I know I have to keep going to meetings which I still havent done for over 2 months.I dont want to go back to that hideous existance again as I know it will kill me if I do.
Still always broke and skint as always despite not gambling,but I HATE gambling,HATE,HATE,HATE,with all my heart and dont want the torture of it again.
I just feel so low and sad today,I will be glad when the festive period is over,I HATE it.
Andy
Re: lonely xmas day. - helen - 26-12-2010
Hi Andy, Good for you having 220 days up. Christmas can be a lonely time for us CG's, sometimes no longer having family or friends that we can share it with. Isolation is one of our defects and it has taken me a long time to feel comfortable around 'normal' people again, but just remember that we are not bad people just that we have a very bad illness. Meetings do help Andy as you well aware know. I call the people at GA my family and have made some good friends there, that's where we need to plant ourselves. I also hate gambling and also know that if I go back I have only one option left and that's death been to the other two places (prison and insanity). I realize it's pretty cold in UK at the moment but am sure you could 'rug' up and go for a long walk or into a Church just to give thanks for your 220 days of recovery. I try and think of the people in other Countries who are suffering from starvation, lack of good drinking water and a roof over their heads and without any hope and give thanks.
Kind regards Andy
Helen