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first time and nervous! - Helenj - 31-07-2011

If I get muddled and repeat myself, bear with me PLEASE... I am a 45 year old woman and have been with my partner for 4 years. For the 1st year or so, I didn't realise my partner was a gambler or even had a problem, he hid it so well!
Then one day, he came back to my house after I had asked him to go to the bank and withdraw some money only for him to loose it on the roulette machine, the rest they say, is history.

I live in rented accommodation, and have done for 3 years after my divorce. 94% of the time my rent has been paid, but there have been 6 occasions when it hasnt, its gone to the roulette fairy, the most recent of which was last Tuesday when I asked him to pay it for me. I know you will probably say it is my fault because I trust him to pay it, and it probably is (well it is), no probably about it. <!-- sCry --><img src="{SMILIES_PATH}/icon_cry.gif" alt="Cry" title="Crying or Very Sad" /><!-- sCry --> He hadnt gambled my rent since January, so I did trust him.

I had a feeling that he had gone to the 'office' as we call it, he didn't really want to speak to me, etc., I was too scared to ask him and he was too scared to tell me. So, Friday I bit the bullet and just asked him, and he told me what I had known for days.

We rowed and said some hurtful things, but one thing that did stick in my mind and he tells me often enough when he looses, is that "I don't understand him and what is going on in his head". Maybe I don't, so that is why I have logged on to here this afternoon. I have no one to talk to about this, I used to tell my "friends" but they understand evenless than I do, and just tell me to get rid etc., so I just bottle it up and worry to myself.

I have also got myself into alot of debt trying to help him, it's just a nightmare, which doesn't look like ending anytime soon. He told me he is not ready to give up horses and his football bets yet, BUT he is ready to try and give up the roulette wheel. It is also difficult for us as we don't live together, he is in London and I am about 80 miles away.

He really is a lovely, lovely, lovely person who has had a very, very hard life, being put into care at two years of age along with other siblings. I just want to help him do somthing, I did ask him if he wanted a break for a while, but he said "no". I just want to help him, even if its just by understanding him and his problem a little.

I know this is nothing to do with gambling, but I am over weight, rather alot; if he could start to sort himself out, maybe my weight would go, what do you think?

Please help me, do you think I should leave him and let him get on with it. I've been told I'm the best thing that has ever happened to him, but I wouldn't be if I turned my back on him would I?

Many thanks, sorry if I waffled on abit <!-- sBig Grin --><img src="{SMILIES_PATH}/icon_e_biggrin.gif" alt="Big Grin" title="Very Happy" /><!-- sBig Grin -->

Re: first time and nervous! - barrieexgambler - 03-08-2011

I must agree as a CG with Dave on this one.

He needs GA and you need to protect yourself.