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my 20yr old son is gambling and I want to help him - Printable Version

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my 20yr old son is gambling and I want to help him - Angel - 07-09-2011

Hi, My son has a gambling problem. It is affecting both our lives as he is spending his wages in a day or two and then has no money for the month. He has attempted suicide and seen a councillor for this. I don't know how to best help him. I will give him the number for GA but I know he has to want to go himself. I dont know how to best help him money wise and how hard or understanding to be. I am a single parent with just my one son, no Dad around for support at all. I want to help him stop, I have been understanding and helped money wise or he won't get to work or pay for his car which he needs for work, but I don't know if I am being too soft, should I be harder? It's so difficult as he takes it all out on me, I know underneath he loves me but he makes me feel like it's all my fault and that his life is a mess because of me. He has a partime job but as well as gambling wants to be able to go out every night and spend £ three figure number a time or it's not worth going! Quote. I think he gambles to try and have these nights out and buy everything in site. I have just helped him clear his debts to relieve some pressure and now he his back to square one with even higher debts and borrowing off me as well as me paying his bills once his money has gone. I just don't know what's the right thing to do. Should I be harder and not help so much with money? But I fear he will loose his job yet again. I have struggled for 20yrs as a single parent but always tried to be happy, now I feel I have failed as a parent and don't know where to turn. He has been a good son up to this faze, never put a foot wrong, a model son. The only problem was being bullied at school, then attempting suicide because of this. My parents are old and I'll and I cant burden them with my troubles. If anyone has any ideas they are very welcome even if it's to tell me I did do it all wrong, I just want to get it right from now on.

Thank you for reading

A very worried Mother.


Re: my 20yr old son is gambling and I want to help him - barrieexgambler - 08-09-2011

Dave,
Although I concur with every bit of advice you gave to the lady about her son I feel I must come in on this.

More about the last sentance.

I have good Parents they both worked hard for me to grow up, but by the time I was 20 I was on my backside living rough or in digs, hitchhiking around the country, gambling to was my ilness.

I think it must be harder for Angel as she is a single parent and by the sounds of it is more likely to side with her son on everything or be a little "soft" as mums end to be (maternal instinct).

Problem here is a "battle of wills" Angel who obviously loves her son and her son who has a compulsive gambling disorder. Angel his gambling will take him wherever he wishes to go, it will destroy him but I am actually thankfull for my fathers "hard love".

Why? Because although I am now much older I am also now fully responsible for my own actions and therefor If I make misakes then its my own fault.

Its called growing up.

Growing up is also realisation about what is right and wrong in life.

I dont wish to scare you Angel but your Son is on the verge of A really really destructive 20s..

He needs to realise friends will slowly dissapear and all that will be left will be him, debt and misery.

He needs GA and if he doesnt go, then you dont support him, simple as.

One day he will thankyou for that and when he tells you he loves you he will mean this.

But it may take a while before he has no where else to turn but to GA.

I really really sympathise with you at this point but "tough love" is the only answer.

My name is Barrie and although I have had some slips in the last four or so years I have spend 99% of the time free from gambling and therefor improving.

God Granted me the serenity to accept that.

I wont become that person again ever even if I slip I soon realise its not my path.

TC

B