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can't cope - worried wife - 21-09-2011

Hi all,

Well it has been a while since I have been on here, and I actually though I wouldn't need to again. My partner stopped gambling about 4 month ago now, he done so well, he was going to councling every week and things were great. After time, I began to trust him with money and we were getting on so well. He was doing stuff with us at the weekends instead of being engrosed in sport, we weren't arguing and life was so good.

Unfortunatley about 4 weeks ago, we had a big argument and it all kicked off again. The next day he took all his wages and went to the bookies. Since then I believe he is still gambling. He has completley changed again, back to how he used to be. He is taking its of money here and there and cant explain where it has been spent, but most of all he is so cagey again. If I even mention gambling he snaps at me and tells me not to go on. When he was clean he would quite happily talk about it and how good things were now that he wasn't gambling and how he felt so bad about things he had done. It seems all that has gone and he has completely forgotten why he stopped in the first place.

It seems like the last few months didn't even happen and things are back to how they used to be. I am dreading the weekends again. I don't trust him anymore. I don't like him having money and we are constantly arguing. He hasn't gone counciling for the past 4 weeks, always some excuse, I have said if he doesn't go tonight then I want him to go to GA but don't think he will.

I feel even worse than before as things were so good and now its all been ripped away from me and I don't know what to do to get it back. He is still denying he is gambling again but he is so different I know he is.

I just cant believe all the stuff he said to me when he was clean, like always saying how bad he felt about things he had done, how he knew he couldn't even have one bet as he was a compulsive gambler and he cant do that, even that he didn't want to gamble again as everything was so good!!!

And because of one stupid argument it has all started again, I can not cope with all this again but he is still in denial again and wont listen. I want everything to back to 2 months ago, life was so good, i could not believe the difference.

Sorry this has been more of a get off my chest than anything else!! Well, we will see what happens I suppose, but I do know I feel sick with worry and I can not go through all that again. I hope he sees sense soon....


Re: can't cope - dougal - 21-09-2011

Hi worried wife ,
I read youre story with regret and sympathy .I too am a CG who has stopped recently ,nearly a month now.

Youre story reminds me of myself with the snappy ,secret and not interested attitude in anything but myself.

Ive had a stressful day today which culminated in me having a massive arguement with my wife, even though it wasnt anything to do with her.Ive managed to not gamble though.

I hope you contact the gamon section to try and assist you in this hard time.

My thoughts are with you and I really hope you all pull through this period.
Even though Im a CG I really feel for you ,I can spot youre partners traits which point to gambling again. I can also see my partners hurt in youre post .

Please stay strong and keep supporting youre partner along with the help from GA.

Dougal



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Re: can't cope - barrieexgambler - 21-09-2011

Hi,
Keep your chin up, dont use the excuse of the argument to excuse his gambling or failure to admit his problem. Because he will admit when he is ready and Im sorry to say that its usually when rock bottom arrives.

See the thing is now "its an excuse" to gamble" so act normal, I know he is gambling, you know it also.

I really dont know how to advise you but im sure you can speak to people who will offer "YOU" support and be better placed to advise than me.

Personally I would just limit the damage he can do, but that said when we are in action we will find ways and means.

Keep strong

B