Gamblers Anonymous Forum
Taking responsibility for my actions. - Printable Version

+- Gamblers Anonymous Forum (https://forum.gamblersanonymous.org.uk)
+-- Forum: Main Forum (https://forum.gamblersanonymous.org.uk/forumdisplay.php?fid=23)
+--- Forum: Share Section (https://forum.gamblersanonymous.org.uk/forumdisplay.php?fid=7)
+--- Thread: Taking responsibility for my actions. (/showthread.php?tid=3314)



Taking responsibility for my actions. - Guest - 28-12-2011

Hi all, hope you're all well and have had a good Christmas and now looking forward to the New Year.

Just wanted to put down a quick few lines to help to get some support for the forum after it crashed last week.

I've just come off the live chat and one of the topics that was being talked about was honesty and not being able to tell those close to us what we have done.

For me (like almost everyone who has been in this situation) I found this incredibly hard. My partner found out the hard way what I had done and I am (and always will be) eternally grateful that she has stood by me. But telling my parents was different, I have been in the forces for over 26years and they are so very proud of my achievements. My father especially placed me high on a pedestal and it was a long way to fall but it was something that I had to tell him.

Will things ever be the same as they were now that I've shared this sordid secret with them? In a word, no they won't, but in the future when they see that I'm serious about making a better future I'm positive our relationship will be stronger than it ever was before.

Your parents will always be your parents and will always love you for who you are. Your wife, husband, partner loves you for who they think you are. I no longer feel self pity but I now know that I have to take responsibility for my actions and each and every day my truly wonderful partner is always at the forefront of my mind. I know I have to make amends and if I can do at least one thing (no matter how small) each day where i can show this then I am one step closer to building a better future.

It is hard to tell love ones, but the weight will be somewhat lifted after you have.....

Stay safe

Mjh


Re: Taking responsibility for my actions. - BDT - 29-12-2011

Hi
Just read your share and it struck a real chord with me. In June 1987 I had to admit firstly to my partner, then to those at my first GA meeting, then my parents & then her parents that I had lost my job because I had attempted to steal money from my employers to pay off my gambling debts. I remember saying something on the lines that this is the whole truth and I am determined to put things right.

Six weeks later I had to admit to all of the above that actually I had told them just the bit I thought they needed to know and had tried to keep the rest secret. Unfortunately or rather fortunately my employers found that I had stolen money from them 6 months previously and they told the police who then arrested & charged me with deception. Deception definately fitted the crime as no doubt my partner, her parents and mine would've agreed.

So having told them "Everything" I had to try again but this time telling the whole truth. I don't suspect that any of them really believed me this time even though I knew it to be so. Trust takes a long time to build but broken oh so quickly and once shattered by my actions it did take a long time to rebuild any at all. I have to say that actions speak far louder than any words and I had to show them my recovery rather than tell them.

I don't know whether my in-laws ever believed or trusted me again as the subject never came up and I haven't seen them since my seperation and subsequent divorce from their daughter. Although their daughter married me and we were together for almost 10 years I don't believe she ever really trusted me and why should she after all I don't trust myself. However my parents I believe did grow to trust me. They certainly loved me and although my Dad died in 1996 and never mentioned my dark days ever my Mum told me that he was proud that with the help of GA i had got my life together. My Mum died in 2000 and she told me over and over again how she felt about me and that joining GA was the best thing that I had ever done.

It is true to say that things were never the same with my parents after 23/06/87.
They were far better thanks to GA and our recovery program.


Re: Taking responsibility for my actions. - Guest - 06-01-2012

Just wanted to quickly reply to this post.
Hi,
I am Mjh's partner. Although calling myself that is some what funny as after recent events I don't really feel equal to him as the word suggests.
No matter, I urge you all to find the courage to tell those important to you.
I didn't so much find out but knew, still it was awful and devastated us both, yet, I can honestly say had he confided in me, although many of the resulting issues would have remained, I would not felt so completely helpless.
As a gambler you have become used to lying and deception. As someone who no longer wishes to gamble you must become completely honest.
Start today .
Today you will not gamble, today you will tell the truth, today you will stop lying to those you love.
Good luck, this is never easy.


Re: Taking responsibility for my actions. - smartie - 10-01-2012

For me talking with my family the first time was the toughest thing i've done, but then i always found a way to start gambling again so my family were always waiting for the next disaster...

They would often say - why would GA be any different?

To me, GA is only part of the answer - GA gives me a recovery program that I can work on, but I needed to be willing to accept that I was addicted to gambling and be willing to put in the hard graft necessary to recover..

Now my family are fully involved with my recovery...they have attended gam-anon and are aware that compulsive gambling is a serious addiction, but know there is hope through the GA recovery program if I keep working it...

I am so lucky my family give me the support they do...and each day I try and pay it back to them...

Smartie