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first time in sorting myself out - williams - 02-01-2012

dont know were to start really, in my childhood was rottern as my father was a acholic, he was a monster when drunk hitting and beating us, my mother left him when i was born , also was sexualy abused for many years, as i grew up i always found a way to self harm , and had nothing to show for it, i always earn a good wages again have nothing to show for it, over the last couple years i went to portland hospital to get help , just talk about my past and how i would do things to harm myself , funny the thing as i was seeing a counsellors in those few years i was really getting my life on track, but at the same time i started to gamable the odd few pounds , 2 years later it started to run my life , someweeks would spend every peeny i had , then lie to my partner or daughter to get my fix, even though i felt disgusted with myself in lieing , so here i am , got my first meeting next week and see were life take me, really want to stop , stop my lies and be a better person , as i am at the moment disgusting liar that wont stop at anything just to gamable