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I am comfortable being myself today with out fear holding me - gadaveuk - 10-09-2014

My Name is Dave of Beckenham. I am becoming healthier in a spiritual way. Yet I am not a religious person.

I was glad to attend the UK 50th Convention celebrating GA being active for so long.

The people who did the work did an excellent job.

You could see and feel it was a team effort on every ones part.

Even for the candle display was LED which suited me with my brathing and COPD issues.

There was a notice board there for people who has since passed on.

I left a message for Tony P who I did not always see eye to eye yet on I appreciated and respected that man very much as well as Dr Jack, I met with Dr Jacks son an told him how much his father meant to every one.

The time is now 4am here in London and time for us t move on to the next prt of our journey together as a loving husband and wife.

In time people learn and understand that recovery works for every one if they are willing if they put a lot of time and effort in to their recovery.

There is no doubt in my mind that I am a survivor in every word.

The only time I use to feel any benefit in life was when I got some thing for nothing or took the easy option.

Today it is by my healthy actions that I feel healthy with in myself, I give myself approval with every thing I progress with.

I would like to think that I no longer have an emotional need to escape from pain fear frsutrations loneliness or boredom.

I am stimulated by life and having healthy realtionships today.

There was a time when I needed to drink alcohol to feel comfortable mixing with other people.

All the time I kept going back to the spirtual recovery program I was going through a leanring expereince, what was my emotional trigger on having that last bet.

The spirtual recovery program never failed me, I quite often failed to work the spirtual recovery program.

After a long time in recovery I was getting very frsutrated reading the text of GA.

I then became aware that talking from logic was not enough for me, I needed to talk from the heart, in time once I was able to let that inner child in me cry I felt a healing proceess start.

Is my emotional age and physical age matched today, am I over sensitive and get angry today, am I tolrant and patient with myself and other people today.

Do I understand that control issues are fear based, do I understand that me wanting to control life and people is not healthy for me.

I am eager and enthusiastic getting things done yet less obsessive.

Accepting the serenity prayer helps me in so many ways.

In being in the spirtual recovery program I am able to understand other people being unhealthy because I see myself as I was in the past.

Before entering the spirtual recovery program I really did not have a choice but to turn towards unhealthy habits.

My unhealthy reaction to life and people started from a very early aage.

I was for sure a victim from a very early age.

Yet over time I became the perpetrator in so many ways.

Being a victim has nothing to do about physical size or sex.

Being a vcitim was me not being able to speak up for myself or able to stand up for myself..

I am able to be a healthier person today because of the things I have learned being in my recovery.

I do not and did not have to take up religion to become healthy.

Yet over time I would grow to learn spirtual values.

In the spirtual recovery program we are all equals.

It is a simple fact that I was very ignorant as to how the spirtual recovery would work for me.

I have invested a great deal of time and energy keeping at my revoverry and in the healing process.

I felt like a victim for so long in my life living in the pains of my past.

Reacting in such unhealty ways, now I am able to interact with people and life a healthy whole some life.

Being so over sensitive and getting angry was an indicator I was aunable to heal my pains.

Shirley & I have been busy in our life getting things done in an healthy way.

I do not hav a desire to gamble which is strange because I use to feel I had no choice but to gamble before recovery.

Step one for me was about understanding my emotional triggers.

My unhealed pains use to cause me to be angry.

My fears use to cause me to be angry.

My frustrations use to cause me to be angry.

My loneliness use to cause me to feel very vulnerable.

Me not having a healthy full life caused me to feel bored and unchanged.

Gratitude was some thing that was missing from my life at one time.

For me today as I became healthier my values changed.

All the time I was focused on status money and material items.

Today my relationships with people are what is important to me.

Over time I recognized that I felt isolated and lonely and then recognized my fears and also my fear of intimacy with people.

I certainly lived a large period of my life unable to heal and nurture my pains.

Every traumatic unresolved painful periods of my life left me with unrecognizable fears in my adult hood.

One of the most inhibiting fears was that of rejection and abandonment.

I am able to live a healthy life today and my values change as I mature.

Some people think that you have to be religious to be a spiritual person, That is not so.

My conscience is very much spiritual based.

When we hurt other people in any way we hurt our self.

There was a time when I wished my life away, I was afraid of living and afraid of dying.

I use to think and feel that I loved gambling, the llusion of love was because it gave me excitement and such an adreline rush.

Today I am stable and relaxed and not living on the edge of my nerves.

Usually I caused myself a lot of pain due to my unreasonable expectations of life and of other people.

When other people were angry or upset I took their issues on board.

My resentments and being over sensitive told me that I was not able to or not able to heal my pains.

We have now signed the final papers regards my mums passsing on.

It has been nearly a year since mums death and yet I now feel more at peace with her than ever before in my life.

What do we class as being successful, money material thing, or is it bout being more spirtaul and content with who we are where we are an knowing we do teh very best we can do in any thing we try our hand at.

Once in my journey of recovery there was more success and less failures.

In fact my theory is that every thing in our life is a test of our steel.

How we deal with lifes tests is a meassure of our recovery.

I did not have a clue how important the spiritual recovery program was going to have on me.

I walked in to the recovery program emotionally traumatized, not able to see any thing clearly.

My questions were due to my insecurity I had learned to live my life on the edge of my nerves.

With each lie came more fear, in time I was able to get honest with myself.

No matter when a person had their last bet, I am an equal to them all.

I am able to be more accountable to myself today.

I understand most aspects of the recovery program.

My motives for doing things are not resentful, I do things willingly.

I am not torn a part with rage and anger, I am content with myself today.

I was not stupid bad or evil, I was just a very ignorant weak vulnerable unhealthy person.

I am doing well and trying to have full healthy productive days yet while respecting my physical limits.

I do not want or need to gamble today.

The obsessions and addictions were an indicator that I had poor resolve in how I felt with in myself.

Fear was a way of me protecting myself

I no longer want to live in fear any more.

I do not fear the gambling establishments today.

I use to say that I wanted to be normal.

Today I want to be healthier than normal.

Love and peace to everyone.

Dave Of Beckenham

Re: I am comfortable being myself today with out fear holdin - smartie - 11-09-2014

Yes Dave
Compulsive gambling is an emotional illness so life's events can be a test...
Many tests daily...
Glad you enjoyed the convention...
In unity
Smartie xx