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Just for today I choose not to gamble and be a much more healthier person

Every time I went to unhealthy habits was a slow learning curve.

There was no benefit of beating myself ro calling myself names.

Each break out I needed to understand my emotional triggers.

For me my emotional triggers were pains not healed, fears not faced, frustrations due to my unreasonable expectations of people life and situations, my fear of emotional intimacy, my fear of being open and honest and my feelings of boredom.

Did I think that if I did not gamble I would be happy and have a healthy life.

Just by abstaining from the gambling I would stop causing myself pains and emotional trauma.

The addictions and obsessions were a form of escape.

My anger was due to my feelings and emotions of my pains not healed, my fears not faced, my frustrations due to my unreasonable expectations of people life and situations.

How long for me to learn to value myself, how long for me to learn to use the telephone lists.

How long for me to learn to selfish about my recovery.

Some people will even say that my addictions were a selfish action.

My addictions were a selfish destruction action and habit.

It was implied that pride is an unhealthy feeling.

For me my healthy actions and my healthy words generate pride in myself.

That is why I work my recovery because I change how I value myself today.

I am non religious person yet I am a more of a healthy spiritual person, that sounds like conflict but our conscience is based up on spiritual values.

When I go against my own conscience I hurt myself and other people.

Do I trust my instincts today.

Do I learn from my mistakes.

Do I enjoy my recovery today.

Each time I went back to any addiction or obsessions indicated that mu hurt inner child was not healed.

In my time I have seen people resent people being successful in their recovery.

I think it is the fact that people who do not put effort in their recovery feel left behind the more successful people.

There was a time when people focus on newbies and tell them they have to do this or have to do that.

For me I did not need people to tell me what to do on entering the recovery program, saying had an adverse impact on me.

No matter when a person has had their last bet is not important, by going to meetings is the most important thing I could do for myself.

In time I was very comfortable in the rooms of recovery.

I am humbled to the truth about myself, I no longer fear facing myself, I do not want to live in the past, I do not want to be an unhealthy person today.

Just for today I do not want to go back to the addictions or obsessions. 

I want to be the healthiest person I can be today.

Love and peace to every one.

Dave L

AKA Dave of Beckenham

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