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Before my recovery I was not evil bad stupid, I was just emotionally Vulnerable

Today I am more and more appreciative of how much fear use to limit my life.

I was like a rat in a wheel going faster and faster getting no where healthy.

All the time I was emotionally Vulnerable I did not feel that I could help myself.

I use to think that my addictions and obsessions use to control my life.

The adrenaline rush, use to be such a high to me  to the point I thought that I loved gambling.

Today I understand that every pain I experienced caused fears in me that I could not explain or understand.

The recovery program was never going to make me do any thing I did not want or need to do, that was going to be my own life.

The spiritual recovery program was going to help me not only be emotionally detached from Gambling but to not fear it any more.

One thing was hard was to slow down my pace, to slow down my thinking, to not react in such unhealthy ways.

The spiritual recovery program was a non religious thing to me.

My conscience was based up on spiritual values.

In time my sharing with people grew and grew, the idea of sponsorship was no longer inhibited by my fears,  a healthy sponsor would not judge me, a healthy sponsor would not bully or manipulate me, a healthy sponsor would help me over come my fears of emotional intimacy.

I have been going to meeting for over 50 years, I have gambling free continued for 20 years, people ask why go to meetings, if you have not gambled why go.

I attend meetings to learn more about myself, to heal that hurt inner child more and more, to become more and more self sufficient, to learn more about healthy interactions, to reduce my fears even more, to learn to love myself more and to learn to love other people more.

To love other people so that feel more and comfortable with in the recovery program.  

The spiritual recovery program was going to help me understand my needs and write them down, to help me understand my wants and write them down, to help me understand what my new goals are and write them down, to extend myself, to achieve more with my life and my potentials.

There was not one person that stopped me from achieving more from my life, I gave up blaming the world and other people for me being short in my actions and my words.

The spiritual recovery program was going to help me learn and understand what were healthy motives in my life, to not do things resentfully, to not do things conditionally, to not do things to person please, to not do things seeking approval, to not do things living in fear, to not procrastinate and put things off, to not live frozen in fear.

Love and peace to every one.

Dave L

AKA Dave of Beckenham

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