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I can't stop alone
Hi All, my name is Nick and I am a compulsive gambler who is doing all he can to throw his life and family away. I have tried GA and it does work IF you really want it to, for some reason I would go for a few months and then gamble again. I posted a note on here in Nov 2009 as I thought I was at rock bottom again, since that post I went nearly 2 months without gambling and had a great Xmas, New Year and I was happy but a few weeks ago I started again and have lost lots of money that I cannot explain away to my wife. I have already had so many "last chances" that I fear she will walk away with our two lovely children. I so want to stop but can't. I know I can never win but continue to gamble without a care about anything or anyone, I have already been bankrupt through gambling and am now in the process of running up large credit card debts again, it is killing me why I am doing this but I am allowing it. Its a baffling illness when you know you CAN NEVER WIN and it will destroy you but you always let it in for more. I will try again from today (yes I know I've said that a thousand times before) to stay away from the gambling. Its a sad state of affairs at 40 years old but I will not carry money or watch sport that gets me thinking about gambling. If I use the barriers then I am okay but then I think "maybe I can win at this" - believe me that it is always the same story of losing money, stealing, lying, sneaking around to try and hide the bills or statements and being very unhappy - IT WILL NEVER CHANGE. I have a chance of a great life but I really don't know if I can survive this, it will break me if I lose my family so why do I do it ?!! I have to make Friday 19th Feb 2010 the last day I ever gambled. If I can get through a few days and weeks gambling free then its surprising how quickly the days pass and how life becomes more enjoyable by the day...I hope its not too late. I wish everybody out there who is a compulsive gambler all the best, I don't think we will ever understand why we do it but we must find a way of stopping and staying stopped is even harder. My name is Nick, I am a compulsive gambler.
Hi Nick

I am a CG. Most of us have to reach "rock bottom".
Mine was when I racked up debt on 6 credit cards & triple mortgaged the house, then stole money off my sister. I then planned and attempted suicide. <!-- s:oops: --><img src="{SMILIES_PATH}/icon_redface.gif" alt=":oops:" title="Embarrassed" /><!-- s:oops: -->

Your "rock bottom" might be when you wife & kids walk out on you. <!-- sSad --><img src="{SMILIES_PATH}/icon_e_sad.gif" alt="Sad" title="Sad" /><!-- sSad -->

Don't let that happen.

What happens is up to you. Take charge of this have made the first step by admitting the step attending a GA meeting.

Best wishes
Hi, My name is Suz and I am a compulsive gambler. I have been gambling about 5 yrs. It has got me to the point sometimes I hate myself, But I do know I cant do this alone, I need help. I only went to 1 meetinbg and I need to go back. It is about an hour from where I live. BUT so is the Casino and I find time to go 3 or 4 times a week. Yesterday my uncle gave me money for my B/D and I blew all , Hang in there Nick, I think we could benefit from emailing daily on what we are dealing with. Although I am female, I am gay, I need help and I am starting with you.
Hi Nick

My name is Darren and your story is an exact mirror image of mine and everything you have said i can relate to.I have a lovely wife and two adoreable children who i have hurt so much, the first time was 5 1/2 years ago when it was my eldest sons birthday and my wife went to buy presents and realised there was no money in the bank and questioned me why ? and i had to admit the debt i was in because of gambling which was thousands, she found this hard to take but agreed to help me and said we could sort this out and intially i started going to GA in carlisle and was off a bet for just over 2 years when i thought i could do this without GA and for a while i did. Then just about 2 years ago some one asked me to have a go on a rugby scorecast and for some reason i did and this then led me back down this slippery road.In between starting gambling again i had taken voluntry redundacy where i was working and had quite a good lump of money there and managed to get another job on the same money.This is where all the lies and deciet started again as i began to frit away what money we had put away for a rainy day and our boys future. Just over 4 weeks ago i had to admit to my lovely wife that i was gambling again and had blown what money we had and even more, she instantly kicked me out of our house and all i have done is go over things in my head why i did it all again but once you are in this little world you dont care about anyone barr yourself ! i now realise i have hurt so many people yet again that gave me a second chane before. I just wish i had been man enough to seek help earlier and it might never of got to this stage again ! I have not had a bet since i was kicked out and have started attending my nearest meeting which is carlisle but this is 1hr 30mins drive each way for me, but this is the only way this illness can be cured in my eyes !
I just hope in time i can prove to my wonderfull wife that i have this illness beat and she can trust me again as this time she is not helping me i am doing this for me before it kills me !!
Thankyou Darren, it is heartbreaking to hear that all of these stories sound so familiar..I guess its the illness and with the gambling it has to be lies, lies, hurt and no trust. Whether I get one more chance I really don't know (all depends if I can lie myself out of this somehow) but I know this has to stop. For my wife and kids yes but more importantly for me - going to bed and cannot sleep dreaming about that "big win" which would sort all this mess out, borrowing more money, thinking all the time about getting more money to finance the next bet, etc, etc. Its a pitiful existance and one I have had enough of. All I ever wanted in life was to be happy, married to a great girl and have a couple of beautiful kids and I have all of that so why I want to risk losing it all is crazy. It is this little voice that gets into your head saying to "have a bet, you will win this time" but I have to find a way of living with this illness and I will. I ought to try GA again but feel I have let them down so many times..I know this would not be the case and maybe thats the addiction coming out again ?!! Anyway, thankyou again for your reply and I sincerely hope it can work out for you, please don't go back gambling as the results is always the same. I will keep you all updated. My name is Nick, I am and always will be a compulsive gambler.

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