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day 68 of the mission
I have now managed 68 days without a bet today,Friday 30th July. Life is as tough as ever, unfortunately I'm in a world of pain. My head has cleared a bit and i've completely steered away from gambling, except Tuesday as I had the 3 ingredients to disaster:time,money,and boredom.I then watched horse racing on TV for 3 hours,and I was so not even paying attention I cannot remember 1 that won. But I know it was the wrong thing to do and I shouldn't have even watched 1 second of it, but boredom beat me. I struggle every day,with just the whole thought of getting up and facing the world.Will it ever,ever change? I feel like I'm just waiting for my existence to end,as I have no go and no inspiration left in me.This disease has tormented me for 25 years and I see no difference in my lifestyle,just that i've abstained from gambling, for now. But the problems and misery of my life are still very much there and as I have already slipped hundreds of times before, I'm dreading another slip,because each time gets worse and worse and I don't feel have many chances left,if any, before this disease will claim me.Andy
Hi Andy Me again! If 'nothing' changes then 'nothing' changes. Self pity is one of our greatest destroyers and will send us back to gambling quicker than anything else. Give yourself a chance and stop digging into the past - just deal with it and dump it for good (4th step) move into today and live it to the best of your ability, just do one thing a day that makes you feel good, go and mow someones lawn, give someone a helping hand, go and volunteer your time instead of 'watching' horse races for 3 hours.
Keep posting and give me one positive.
Good luck. Right now I have no desire to gamble, My last trip was a bad one. I can't even recall if it was last Thursday or not. Anyway as long as I can keep the desire and money away I will be fine. If I feel I am slipping I will go to a meeting for the first time. I know that there is no way to win if you gamble, The only way to win is not to bet.

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