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The life in the eye's of a gambler .....
Hey everyone,
Here's my story:
Started off gambling lightly around about 2 years ago, it all started off on the small jackpot fruit machines ... as you know they are everywhere (cinema, arcades, sea side resorts etc) only just harmless fun, so i thought!
So as time progressed i noticed i seemed to be plowing more & more money into these machines with bugger all return. This is where it all started to go badly wrong ... i moved onto the bigger jackpot fruit machines where i ended up putting in hundreds for not more than a handful of coins in return. My decision for moving upto the bigger machines was mainly down to joining a fruit machine forum & watching member's videos of them winning serious money off these machines on youtube. My mind was obviously working overtime & i soon realised that no.1 i became a compulsive gambler & 2. i was living each day at a time wondering how i was going to pay off the money i gambled & living off literally nothing in my bank account!

About 3 months ago i decided enough was enough because i had to come clean to my gf with the financial situation i was in & knew that thing's had gone too far. I managed to get through 2 months without gambling or maybe slightly more, i felt on top of the world ... no more feeling depressed all the while, constantly worrying where your next fix was & what money i was going to use to cover it!
Unfortunately thing's took a nasty turn again, my mates 21st down weston super mare seen me end up back in one of it's arcades. I ended claiming some loyalty scheme money which they had running which i asked the attendant to stick in the rainbow riches unit but cutting the story short i ended with money in the bank & back came the thought of been able to do that all the time (Even though this was my first in thousands of money being put into these horrid machines!).
The urge had came back & i had that feeling of being invincible, that feeling of knowing you know how to win on the machines & how to beat them!
Well i had several more loses on the follow upto last night, which i would call my final saga.
I was driving back home from the gym, minding my own business & had this sudden urge to have a flutter, so i pull onto this local pub car park & ended up blowing quite a bit of money on a dond machine for no return what so ever but what makes this 100% worse was that, i was so fixed into the machine i decided to ignore all the calls from my mom, gf etc... for the 2 hours i was playing this machine which ended up with the police looking for me. (Everyone thought i had been kidnapped or commited suicide!)

I eventually walked out of this pub at around 11.00 o'clock to randomly see my mom pull up, I knew i had been caught red handed but still persisted in lying & making up a story as to why i was on there with not answering my phone for the 2 hours. Well let's say the least, i was in for a long questioning when i got home & a epic grilling.

I feel loads better now that it's out in the open & i can now look ahead in life to the road of recovery, it also feels better to finally admit to everyone that i have a serious problem. I am determined to sort it & will be attending the worcester meeting from now on every tuesday!

Any advice on helping me through these tough times would be greatly appreciated!

Many thanks,
Hi Glenn, JUST GO to the GA meeting and realize this compulsive gambling will never magically disappear, it's something that we will have to work on for the rest of our lives. You are young and hopefully you or the program gets you into early recovery. This is a serious illness as you can see by some of the posts on here and it's progressive in it's nature if we continue to gamble. It's up to you!
Best regards
You sound young so good you got to this desease early but I am going to tell you that you have started something that will be with you for a long time ie forever.

I hear your story loud and proud my ex GF used to call me where are you, ignore, ignore, many times every week, I was fruit machine nutcase!! My mum spent years of worrying!!!

I think for us compulsive gamblers sometimes it is so so easy to replapse, we know after we have done a binge that its wrong, we feel low and come clean but complacency is a word I use in this as its very easy to get into the "I can control this, oh I won" situation that ultimately leads to disaster.

I live my life afraid...four years nearly clean and I still worry, worry that one day, one time, I will be in a place where my guard is down. I have seen many CGs who at 50 have NOTHING...unfortunately family are no longer around, GFs gone and past, wives, families destroyed and yet I have a big heart, im a good man.

GA made me see the light, gave me a path to follow, but I have to follow that path forever because I know one small slip and I am back to my destructive ways.

Well done for being mature and open and setting your stall out.

Life unfortunatly is one long path and I hope you follow the same one I am trying to do.

Best wishes.

Thank you very much for your kind words Barrie & Helen.

Tonight will be my first GA meeting in the west midlands, as there is only one held per week but i've stayed strong since my stray last tuesday & i'm proud to say that i have not gambled since then.

I know i have the will power to over come this disease which has ruined my life for the past 2 years & still only being 22, i know that now is the right time to get my life back on track!

I'm so glad i can relate to someone like you Barrie, as it makes me see that there is light at the end of the tunnel & even though i've always thought that the only way out will be to end it all, i now see there is a glimmer of hope for me. Reading your & everyone else's stories makes me more determined day by day to make sure i do this for myself & everyone close to me. Then maybe one day, i will be the person posting just like you both explaining & telling the tale of my horrible path & how i've over come it!

But for now i'm going to take each day at a time!

My name is Glenn & i'm a compulsive gambler!
(For some reason, i can't log into my account?!)
Pleased that you relate to me!! I was always the great one, good lad, good laugh, always if honest knew I had issues with gambling but never ever stopped. Always someone else "missus calling....just 5mins more i'll answer...was that an hour Oh crap, one more it's going to drop, must get my money back, skint, what to do, what to do, where can i borrow, best call the gf make an excuse"

"hey sweetheart"
"where ya been"
"just chatting to the lads, didn't see your call"

Rush home 90mph like an idiot, mind running 1000Mph, idiot, idiot, oh i'll make an excuse, borrow, paid friday.

Problem for me was the top part....I lost the stakes became bigger, my responsibilities gone.

I now needed to arrive to win....loose big, win big!! did very little of the winning...

I wish, I wish someone at 22 (and they tried) told me, helped me because I stole, cheated, lied, ate rubbish, hurt, when i was gambling through my twenties...the non gambling parts were good!!

It cost me 8years on you...8years of grief...8years before I "had enough"

Glenn if you read this and I want you to keep this post and read everyday, I dont look back now...I made choices!! I have and must stick by them! Never let this disease get you, never let it grip you again, stay on that programme...if anyone looks at you and says "ill bet ya" just calmly say nothing...

even if I go bankrupt tommorow or something hits me...or gets me down...or I have free bored....want to escape....can't handle the thing I will NOT do is relive those 12 years by starting again.

Your good mates you can tell...but don't tell all as they will never understand how much pain we can inflict ourselves. Stick to the meetings, if you have to go anywhere, holiday and can't make it, log on here, top yourself up for the fight!!Then get back to that meeting.

We are not normal people and we always have to accept that.

But one thing is for sure "god has granted you the serenity to accept the things you couldn't change (at a young age!) the courage to change the things you could and the wisdom to know the difference..."

keep them meetings Glenn...
People probably think I have nowt better to do!! hehe Just wanted to say well done on your first meeting, remember the saying "meetings make it"

Stick to that and you will do well.

firstly you dont have to thank me for taking my time to come on here and post advice or suggestions. Believe me when I say its my own therapy to help others overcome the demons, I am myself only one day from my next bet but I would like to share something today with you.

I took the long way to realise that gambling was the thing that made me ill, I took some very deep soul searching also. I will never be more than 1minuite, 1 hour or one day away from failure in going back to that "old" life.

I always belived I was "uncureable" "unstoppable" and that it was just "me". For me to hear you speak those words that your life is much better free from gambling gives me great satisfaction its the satisfaction I have every day also.

I am going to divulge some things that are very close to me today in this post. When I found GA it was a relief to be understood, I just couldnt possibly stay away from the fruit machine, I was the one who no matter what the jackpot managed to fill it up...sometimes spending silly silly money doing so. One thing I dont look at now is that "past" or what i have lost.

GA saved my life as it showed me the path I must take, to live "one day at a time" to not take things for granted, to focus, to work hard, to stay decent, to be a better man.

Unfortunately for me my "focus" to GA was interupted by other cercumstances in my life and I found staying on the programme very difficult.

I realise now that it wasnt what I lost in terms of money it was what I lost in terms of "me" as a person, how I treated family, how I treated friends and how I treated myself. This desease Glenn will never leave me, like it wont leave you, three weeks is a fantastic effort and you seem to have been awoken into GA and the new life but it is a long long road.

Now after 3+ years of realisation I am going home to see family and Im excited as are they, they can see that change in me, they can see I have matured, that I live with pride and dignity and i deserve to be successfull in what i do.

My story could have been so much different believe me...

At 22 you have that chance, that opportunity to stay happy, stay focussed and I am sure distractions will arrive, meeting a GF will be one, work, life etc will be others but always keep what you have seen in three weeks fresh in your mind..because you had 8+ years before I realised and I could have been so much more.

"just for today" I didnt gamble because god granted me the serenity to accept the things I couldnt change the courage to change the things I could and the wisdom to know the difference..

hi,7 months is a real good acheivement.its nice to hear of others doing so well.when you reread your first post and where you are now i hop you feel proud.friends and family are never going to be able to offer as much support as others such as friends from ga as if they havent been through what we have how could they possibly understand what dark tunnel we have been in and how hard emotionally and mentally it is to get ones self to the has been 2 months for me and i feel better about myself,keep strong youv done amazingly.x
Nice one Glenn, seven months is really big achievement, myself I only managed 19 days so far, but I will be there, one day...
If you look back over your posts and see where you were then and where you are now you will realise like I am sure you do how wonderfull life can be, just if you live for today.

No drama, no ups and no downs....just moving forwards in the right way..

I like you have not gambled today and I like success stories...I like to see when people came here moaning and groaning about how life was so there head couldnt stop and then to see a change in 8=9months...keep up that spirit because it breeds inspiration to those who cannot see or are stuck in a rut.

My life has changed dramatically in 4years from the excuse as a man i was and its down to living "just for today"

Its a lifelong path but cannot stop living....

Thanks Glenn.....stay in touch it help us all.

TC b

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