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dont know what to do
Hi i have a gambling problem....... this is the first time i have ever admitted it to anybody.
I know i need to stop and i want to stop but i just dont know what to do in order to stop.
The thing is i gambled for leasure at first in the local pub on the fruit machines and then we went to our local bingo and they have a casino area there and got some new machines with a big jackpot...... i thought i would just try one and i won the jackpot which in my opinion was the worst thing that ever happened to me because the win was the seed of the major addiction that was to follow.
i have now ended up in a complete mess because i spent my rent and bill money ...... i was so upset i said i would never gamble again if i sorted it out with the money for rent and bills. so i lied and made some story up that i had my wallet stolen with all my money in and my dad bailed me out he gave me the money that i said was in the wallet so i could pay my rent and my bills.....i felt so happy and relieved, but that didnt last long.
i went with all the good intention, on the bus to town to pay my rent and bills, but i passed my local bingo hall where the casino area is where i won the jackpot and also where i lost it again and more besides.
for some stupid reason i went in just thinking i will only put a small ammont in and if i get a win that would be great i would buy my father a present for helping me out, but i lost and the more i lost the more i gambled to get it back and the more i tried the more i spent until it had all gone. i didnt even have the bus fare home so i had to walk for 2 hours just to get home.
when i got home i fell to the floor in floods of tears because the realisation of what i had done hit me. i didnt have the money for the bills or the rent and i dont have anybody else to turn to to bail me out.
so now i am at the stage where i cannot pay my rent i cant put any gas or electric on the prepayment metres and i dont have any food either, i know i have to never gamble again but i just dont know what i am going to do now about the rent and the gas and electric or food as i have no money at all left and no means to get any, i am a complete mess, i dont have any body to talk to at all, and i am supposed to be taking my daughter who is 6 out this weekend as me and her mum are seperated but i cant even take her anywhere, i cant even see her because i cant get to her i keep looking at her photo and crying thinking what a waste of space i am......if it wasnt for her i would have comitted suicide by now because i just dont know what im going to do .....

Hey!! I hope you read this post and in this I am not going to try to add to your woes.

Wow compelling tale, it kind of brings hairs up on the back of my neck to say that I used to be like this, used to be in this situation every other month.

I posted the other week how I must have lost hundreds of wallets. Mine was the fruit machines and they are so inviting, they call you and once your into one of them you cannot stop until its all gone.

Daz, I want to tell you a bit about me so that I can in turn help you and please listen to what I say as it really is FOR YOU!! I am the man who after loosing all the money in my wallet, bank, etc stuck a sign on a machine went home got the HD TV and sold it for pittance just to try to get my money back, rational thinking???

I in fact always cried myself to sleep and NEVER had the intention to go back, after a quick fix solution to my problems ie borrowing the cash, I was always hiding from the friends I borrowed from, in fact I borrowed of everyone.

That was me, this is important, that was me.

First step one: to sit and look in the mirror at ourselves and our failings and to truly admit defeat over something we are powerless against, sounds simple eh? I sat down four years ago with no money in my pocket and said what do I have to show for my life, a broken relationship that was fuelled by empty prommises by me, broken family relationships, broken friendships, no possessions and for the first time in my life I was not scared.

I was not scared of admitting i had a problem, that I was a compulsive gambler, that I had a dreadfull desease that would continue to harm me unless I did something about it, then I remembered clearly GA.

four years on I and with one slight mishap in which I instantly realised the path I was taking and got out of it, to get strong again I have bought possessions, rebuilt friendships, rebuilt family ties, re-invented myself in a positive was and now I am taking a twelth step in helping you.

I dont know you, you could be anyone, but to me your are who I was.

Now I am going to tell you the steps YOU must take. Firstly admission: admit that if at this moment in time if you had cash the liklyhood is you would gamble, you may win, but ultimately you would loose.

Secondly a meeting, you may not understand GA, what it is and what it can do for you but it saved my life, it gave me understanding and a feeling of not being alone, it also gave me steps towards a new direction in life, a positive one.

You say you have no cash, so at the moment you are desperate, this is bad as if you borrow maybe you will forget the pain your in, I suggest not to do this.

First in admission you need to pick up the phone and say like I did many years ago " dad, I have a gambling problem and I am going to do something about it, I lost all my money, but I will go to GA and try a new way of life"

Dont ask your father for money just ask for him to take you to that meeting, once you go and believe me when I say you will be scared you will meet some likeminded people who have come together to share and help each other.

This will breed new positivity into your life and hopefully then you will take the steps to change your ways. I can sense in your thoughts you know for your daughter this is not good and I ure on the side of only thinking about one thing and one thing alone and that is waking up today and saying "no matter what, Just for today i will not gamble"

I know at this moment you will not look very far into the future and that was one of my biggest mistakes but when you do and you start to say to yourself everyday "just for today I will not gamble" the days become weeks, the weeks become months and suddenly you find yourself doing some things you never did before like buying some clothes for yourself, like buying some gifts for your daughter, like eating properly.

I never realised this but I was speaking with my father yesterday and we were talking about when I would get ill, most down to not eating properly (gambling) and now they see me and I have put on weight, i look healthy, I take this for granted in my road to recovery, but I have to keep telling myself its a LIFE illness.

Daz, dont blag your way out of this situation, I urge you to look at YOU and say, Im not that man, I can tell by your emotion that you dont wish to be, but some steps like HONESTY need to be taken.

Call the helpline and find a meeting, find GA and follw the path and it will give you the things you need.

I will leave you with one other thought! for many years I slept badly with lines of reels running through my head. I dont think to myself anymore "maybe I will win" Instead I think to myself "tonight I want to sleep well safe in the knowledge just for today I didnt gamble"

Go to a meeting Daz and be honest with those closest to you.


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