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At the end of my tether
Hi folks.
Made a post a few months ago and found chrisadmin's reply helpful.
I am the wife of a gambler and wrote my own story in reply to a new post from a wife who had recently found out her husband was a compulsive gambler. At that time, I had just discovered my husband had suffered another relapse (although I don't actually think he had given up at all). It is always the case that I don't find out, or maybe just turn a blind eye in truth, until the debt becomes too unmanageable for my husband and he has to come clean.
I'm sure many partners of compulsive gamblers recognise this feature of after many, many years of hanging on in there because we love them and believe that they will not let us down again, but knowing instinctively that it is still going on (but maybe only on a small scale ha, ha). I have come to realise that the same scenario will be replayed over and over again because the gambler CAN'T control the addiction and actually we are only colluding with them in turning a blind eye or perhaps they take it as a kind of tacit approval. Who know's?
Got up this morning, went onto the internet and for some reason checked the search history to find that my husband had been on late last night to check the Ladbrokes bet calculator!
Today, he has been at work and here I am again, having to sit with this sick feeling in my stomach, having to face up to the fact that he has probably run up more debt which he will disclose under pressure. The issue is, I am particularly worried as I manage all the accounts and he supposedly has no access to cash. I doubt very much that he would have needed to go on this site to place a Lucky 15!
I know I will have to confront him with this again and to be honest don't know whether I have the heart.
Each time I have gone through this situation, it has chipped away just a little bit more at my love for him to the extent that today, I just feel numb. I don't feel anger, hurt, or even disappointment. What I do feel is that this point was always perhaps inevitable. Maybe my husband has laid his biggest bet ever, on our marriage, and lost.
As I wrote in my original post in April in reponse to "Gambling wife", I feel that I have now reached the point where I need to make a decision for myself which could change my life forever. Advice please as I feel so low!
Hi Flickchick,
I'm also a compulsive gambler, sorry haven't read your previous post so don't know if you and your husband have been to any of the GA meetings. If not I would certainly recommend one. You say that he has no access to money but he has with the internet if he can log onto a gambling website because they store your card number so unless you can use a programme like GAMBLOCK which costs a bit, but not too much, he will be able to do this.
I really hope he can speak with you and that you both sort this nasty illness he has out, without the support of my wife god knows where I would be now, you women have a lot to put up with from us and sometimes vice versa if its the other way round but remember life is too short and with support your husband can beat this.
Good luck

Gambling has brought you to the point where you are considering breaking up your relationship. For that, i can sympathise but really cannot advise as I would never dream to tell anyone what the way forward is for them.

I do believe you would be better placed to consider your options if you spoke with someone who has walked your path. I suggest Gam-anon. Gam-Anon is a fellowship of men and women who are husbands, wives, relatives or close friends who have been affected by the gambling problem. Their web address is <!-- w --><a class="postlink" href=""></a><!-- w --> and the National Helpline no. is 08700 50 88 80. There is also a friends and family section on the contact us section of this website. You can email via that link.

I'm a compulsive gambler and I last gambled on 31/01/11, one day at a time.

Many thanks to you both for your replies. My previous post in April was under the log-in "daisychain" but for some reason, this time it wouldn't let me use this name! We have both previously attended GA/Gamanon and yes, I did find it helpful.
I haven't yet confronted my husband with what I posted but think I will do so tonight. In response to the comment about internet gambling, does the gambler not need to give bank account details/card details? My husband does not have a bank account and his wage is paied directly into my account. I do check the statements and would know if there were any "strange"debits I think. Is there any other way he could do this?
Thanks to sherrie for your info. re. friends and family section. I think I would find this helpful. I do also find it helpful however looking at this site and seeing the determination, resolve and success stories of some gamblers with the hope that one day, my husband could be one of the successes.
I think what this site does for carers is make us realise that we are not alone.
That is why on Friday, I felt that this site was the only way to be open without being judged. I didn't feel that I could talk to friends or family as they would give advice without understanding how it feels.
Again, many thanks and I would appreciate any further comments from both gamblers and carers. X
Thanks Maverick. Really appreciate your honesty. Do you know what would really help though would be for your wife to come on this forum to let us know how she feels. Lot of respect for someone who can cope with this madness for so many years. For me it's been twelve years. Can't put into words the effect this illness has had on what our relationship might have been and we have stayed together but lots of things are unsaid. I have always struggled with the fact that if the threat was another woman, most wives would know how to deal with it. How can you deal with a threat that is invisible and intangible?
Just emailed the friends and family forum so hoping to be able to share the experiences we all have and gain strength from other people who have got similar experiences.
Again many thanks to all who have responded.

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