25-07-2011, 01:51 PM
Having not gambled since February, I have relapsed again and this time I believe I have ruined it. This time hurts more than ever.
Last month, I borrowed money from my mum to purchase a new car and promised to pay her back in instalments each month when I get paid.
Fridays are my days off. It was around 3pm and I was bored and the thought of playing slots entered into my mind. I work full time and lost my wages for the month where I was only paid a few days ago. Remarkably, I made all the money back the next day whilst playing online poker and withdrew all the money.
Yesterday I got home from work and had nothing to do. I had a few hours to spare and I was in my room as opposed to watching TV like I usually do on Sundays. Instead, I went on my computer â still high on the day before. I had the urge to gamble, I watched a few hands being played and decided to reverse the withdrawal I made yesterday.
Needless to say, I lost all the money. Now I canât afford to pay my mum back and I am so angry. Several times I managed to get my money back. I got greedy and didnât know when to stop. When I was losing, I kept chasing the losses and found it impossible to leave without losing all my money and wanted to make my money back which made me go all in several times. I am angrier than ever as I really canât afford to gamble and I have already amassed a large debt.
Beside losing money that I really cannot afford, I needed to take it out on someone and came up with reasons on why I lost regardless of how remote the ideas were. I was fuming and wanted to beat up my daughter to release that anger. She had done nothing wrong, doesnât know of my addition but I wanted to take it out on someone that would be easy to take out on.
I know that in my mind Iâm messed up and I want to stop thinking this way. Iâm really fed up with having no money and feel that Iâm too stubborn to have money as I feel the need to spend it all and I have no understanding of saving.
Last month, I borrowed money from my mum to purchase a new car and promised to pay her back in instalments each month when I get paid.
Fridays are my days off. It was around 3pm and I was bored and the thought of playing slots entered into my mind. I work full time and lost my wages for the month where I was only paid a few days ago. Remarkably, I made all the money back the next day whilst playing online poker and withdrew all the money.
Yesterday I got home from work and had nothing to do. I had a few hours to spare and I was in my room as opposed to watching TV like I usually do on Sundays. Instead, I went on my computer â still high on the day before. I had the urge to gamble, I watched a few hands being played and decided to reverse the withdrawal I made yesterday.
Needless to say, I lost all the money. Now I canât afford to pay my mum back and I am so angry. Several times I managed to get my money back. I got greedy and didnât know when to stop. When I was losing, I kept chasing the losses and found it impossible to leave without losing all my money and wanted to make my money back which made me go all in several times. I am angrier than ever as I really canât afford to gamble and I have already amassed a large debt.
Beside losing money that I really cannot afford, I needed to take it out on someone and came up with reasons on why I lost regardless of how remote the ideas were. I was fuming and wanted to beat up my daughter to release that anger. She had done nothing wrong, doesnât know of my addition but I wanted to take it out on someone that would be easy to take out on.
I know that in my mind Iâm messed up and I want to stop thinking this way. Iâm really fed up with having no money and feel that Iâm too stubborn to have money as I feel the need to spend it all and I have no understanding of saving.