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i just want to stop
i have gambled now for as long as i can recall im 41 years old and my life is in a total mess because of gambling.i started as a young lad on fruit machines which moved on to betting shops (horses,dogs,football,anything,).now it is the machines in the bookies which im in a mess totally addicted and no matter how many times i try to stop i always end up back in the same place.i have a lovely wife and son who i let down time and time again they have given me so many last chances iv lost count,now im on another one after blowing all my wages lending money to replace them and blowing that as well,i hate myself for what i am i dont sleep or eat properly i always have a bad head through worry and stress i know i must stop my gambling now before i lose my wife and son as well as all my going to make yet another fresh start today and get to a G A meeting for the first time next week i pray it can be a start to ending this horrible addiction i have THANK YOU
Hi barryval, i really related to what you wrote in your share and i know how you feel. I had a young son and partner who i broke promise after promise too, i honestly meant it when I said i wouldnt gamble again, or id bring the wages home or id get presents this year and with every broken promise would come new resolve to never do it again. I was lying to myself. I came to meetings and realised i was not alone. I also learnt some things which wernt to good. The first was that i had the mind of a hopeless compulsive gambler.This means that whenever i started to gamble it would set of a phenomenon of craving beyond my mental control which meant that i wos incapable of controlling or moderating the amount i gamble and was incapable of stoping.Hense the countless attempts to limit or controll the amount i gambled.If this was the only problem i would simply not place the first bet therefore stopping the terrible painfull cycle however i suffer from the second part of the illness as well which is that if I dont take the action (the 12 steps) then i will invaliably (as i always had) return to gambling, a mental twist would occur some time in the future that would tell me that it will be different this time, ill control it, just one bet ect. The good news is that i have been 14months without a bet as a result of the ga program of recovery. I never think about gambling and not only that but my relationships with family friends and collegues has improved as has all other aspects of my life. I am excited for you for going to your first meeting and wish you the best of luck, take it one day at a time , tk care

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