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Breaking Pattern
#4
01:40: Day 1 Completed
Notes: Thoughts about first time I gambled. How different times call for different treatment. Sometimes I gambled to avoid emotional outcome of sports result. Sometimes to avoid career. Sometimes it was fun and in control. However this gateway into always wanting to be one up and martingaling escalated out of control. So sometimes I think I just want one last big bet so I can quit forever as a winner. From all gambling. And then maybe have a small bankroll for pot shots as entertainment as opposed to trying to get rich or settle a score. But then I know I think differently in an irrational emotional state I can't predict which is scary and annoying.

Overall day 1 was easy enough. I'm a bit concerned about where the energy goes though. Like if I'm not gambling then I'm concerned I may gamble in covert ways with spiritual predictions and so forth.. This is why I get confused. Also starting to doubt already if 90 days of quitting a specific behaviour of putting on a bet is enough. Like I am surrounded by advertising and past reminders. One thing keeping me going is I have never quit anything for 90 days before so partly inspired by novelty.

Thinking about weird things like what if someone hands me a scratch card at Christmas as a gift or invites me to a house party where there is poker. These things will probably not happen but I don't know how to participate in society and not have vices.
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Messages In This Thread
Breaking Pattern - by Furious - 09-12-2018, 08:58 PM
RE: Breaking Pattern - by Simmo - 09-12-2018, 09:40 PM
RE: Breaking Pattern - by smartie - 10-12-2018, 02:10 PM
RE: Breaking Pattern - by Furious - 11-12-2018, 01:56 AM
RE: Breaking Pattern - by Chris_b - 11-12-2018, 12:27 PM
RE: Breaking Pattern - by Furious - 11-12-2018, 05:18 PM
RE: Breaking Pattern - by Simmo - 11-12-2018, 06:38 PM
RE: Breaking Pattern - by Furious - 12-12-2018, 11:26 AM
RE: Breaking Pattern - by Simmo - 12-12-2018, 12:03 PM
RE: Breaking Pattern - by Furious - 12-12-2018, 10:00 PM
RE: Breaking Pattern - by smartie - 13-12-2018, 11:25 AM
RE: Breaking Pattern - by Furious - 13-12-2018, 11:43 AM
RE: Breaking Pattern - by Furious - 13-12-2018, 11:36 PM
RE: Breaking Pattern - by Simmo - 14-12-2018, 09:07 AM
RE: Breaking Pattern - by Furious - 15-12-2018, 12:31 AM
RE: Breaking Pattern - by Furious - 15-12-2018, 05:43 AM
RE: Breaking Pattern - by Chris_b - 15-12-2018, 01:03 PM
RE: Breaking Pattern - by Furious - 15-12-2018, 05:19 PM
RE: Breaking Pattern - by Furious - 16-12-2018, 03:51 AM
RE: Breaking Pattern - by Radish - 16-12-2018, 09:38 AM
RE: Breaking Pattern - by Furious - 16-12-2018, 03:57 PM
RE: Breaking Pattern - by Simmo - 17-12-2018, 11:19 AM
RE: Breaking Pattern - by Furious - 17-12-2018, 01:52 PM
RE: Breaking Pattern - by Furious - 27-12-2018, 07:54 PM
RE: Breaking Pattern - by Furious - 02-01-2019, 11:05 PM
RE: Breaking Pattern - by Simmo - 03-01-2019, 09:33 AM
RE: Breaking Pattern - by Furious - 03-01-2019, 06:51 PM
RE: Breaking Pattern - by smartie - 03-01-2019, 10:30 PM
RE: Breaking Pattern - by LewB - 04-01-2019, 12:17 AM
RE: Breaking Pattern - by Furious - 04-01-2019, 06:56 AM
RE: Breaking Pattern - by Furious - 05-01-2019, 01:01 AM
RE: Breaking Pattern - by Furious - 06-01-2019, 10:18 AM
RE: Breaking Pattern - by Simmo - 06-01-2019, 03:09 PM
RE: Breaking Pattern - by smartie - 06-01-2019, 05:14 PM
RE: Breaking Pattern - by Furious - 07-01-2019, 08:45 AM
RE: Breaking Pattern - by Furious - 08-01-2019, 06:51 AM
RE: Breaking Pattern - by Furious - 09-01-2019, 01:05 AM
RE: Breaking Pattern - by Furious - 09-01-2019, 11:43 AM
RE: Breaking Pattern - by Furious - 09-01-2019, 11:47 AM
RE: Breaking Pattern - by Furious - 10-01-2019, 11:21 AM
RE: Breaking Pattern - by smartie - 10-01-2019, 12:17 PM
RE: Breaking Pattern - by Furious - 12-01-2019, 01:53 PM
RE: Breaking Pattern - by Furious - 13-01-2019, 10:39 AM
RE: Breaking Pattern - by Furious - 13-01-2019, 06:45 PM
RE: Breaking Pattern - by smartie - 14-01-2019, 04:57 PM
RE: Breaking Pattern - by Furious - 14-01-2019, 05:34 PM
RE: Breaking Pattern - by shoebox - 14-01-2019, 06:24 PM
RE: Breaking Pattern - by Furious - 15-01-2019, 06:54 PM
RE: Breaking Pattern - by Furious - 16-01-2019, 03:01 PM
RE: Breaking Pattern - by Furious - 17-01-2019, 03:23 PM
RE: Breaking Pattern - by Chris_b - 17-01-2019, 07:21 PM
RE: Breaking Pattern - by Furious - 18-01-2019, 01:57 AM
RE: Breaking Pattern - by smartie - 18-01-2019, 12:44 PM
RE: Breaking Pattern - by Furious - 19-01-2019, 02:28 AM
RE: Breaking Pattern - by Furious - 19-01-2019, 04:31 PM
RE: Breaking Pattern - by Furious - 20-01-2019, 05:11 AM
RE: Breaking Pattern - by Furious - 21-01-2019, 09:52 PM
RE: Breaking Pattern - by Furious - 22-01-2019, 04:40 AM
RE: Breaking Pattern - by Furious - 24-01-2019, 12:23 AM
RE: Breaking Pattern - by shoebox - 24-01-2019, 03:01 AM
RE: Breaking Pattern - by Furious - 24-01-2019, 03:01 PM
RE: Breaking Pattern - by Furious - 24-01-2019, 11:35 PM
RE: Breaking Pattern - by Furious - 25-01-2019, 09:04 PM
RE: Breaking Pattern - by Furious - 25-01-2019, 11:30 PM
RE: Breaking Pattern - by Furious - 26-01-2019, 03:44 PM
RE: Breaking Pattern - by Furious - 27-01-2019, 11:10 PM
RE: Breaking Pattern - by Furious - 28-01-2019, 08:32 PM
RE: Breaking Pattern - by Furious - 29-01-2019, 05:22 AM
RE: Breaking Pattern - by Furious - 29-01-2019, 11:48 AM
RE: Breaking Pattern - by Furious - 29-01-2019, 09:50 PM
RE: Breaking Pattern - by Furious - 30-01-2019, 04:08 AM
RE: Breaking Pattern - by Chris_b - 30-01-2019, 02:44 PM
RE: Breaking Pattern - by Furious - 30-01-2019, 11:05 PM
RE: Breaking Pattern - by Furious - 31-01-2019, 03:15 AM
RE: Breaking Pattern - by Furious - 01-02-2019, 02:09 PM
RE: Breaking Pattern - by Furious - 02-02-2019, 04:46 AM
RE: Breaking Pattern - by Furious - 03-02-2019, 09:20 AM
RE: Breaking Pattern - by Furious - 04-02-2019, 02:42 AM
RE: Breaking Pattern - by Furious - 04-02-2019, 02:27 PM
RE: Breaking Pattern - by Furious - 05-02-2019, 03:50 AM
RE: Breaking Pattern - by Furious - 06-02-2019, 07:52 AM
RE: Breaking Pattern - by Furious - 07-02-2019, 08:43 AM
RE: Breaking Pattern - by Furious - 08-02-2019, 06:28 AM
RE: Breaking Pattern - by Furious - 09-02-2019, 06:32 AM
RE: Breaking Pattern - by smartie - 09-02-2019, 02:10 PM
RE: Breaking Pattern - by Furious - 10-02-2019, 07:34 AM
RE: Breaking Pattern - by Furious - 11-02-2019, 04:13 PM
RE: Breaking Pattern - by Furious - 12-02-2019, 08:55 AM
RE: Breaking Pattern - by Furious - 12-02-2019, 11:59 PM
RE: Breaking Pattern - by smartie - 13-02-2019, 12:50 PM
RE: Breaking Pattern - by Furious - 14-02-2019, 07:56 PM
RE: Breaking Pattern - by Furious - 15-02-2019, 01:51 PM
RE: Breaking Pattern - by Furious - 15-02-2019, 11:11 PM
RE: Breaking Pattern - by Furious - 17-02-2019, 03:58 AM
RE: Breaking Pattern - by Furious - 17-02-2019, 05:34 PM
RE: Breaking Pattern - by smartie - 17-02-2019, 07:46 PM
RE: Breaking Pattern - by Furious - 17-02-2019, 09:28 PM
RE: Breaking Pattern - by Furious - 18-02-2019, 09:46 PM
RE: Breaking Pattern - by Furious - 19-02-2019, 06:00 PM
RE: Breaking Pattern - by Furious - 20-02-2019, 05:37 PM
RE: Breaking Pattern - by Furious - 20-02-2019, 10:15 PM
RE: Breaking Pattern - by Furious - 22-02-2019, 12:44 AM
RE: Breaking Pattern - by Furious - 23-02-2019, 04:13 PM
RE: Breaking Pattern - by Furious - 24-02-2019, 04:58 AM
RE: Breaking Pattern - by Furious - 25-02-2019, 12:32 AM
RE: Breaking Pattern - by Furious - 27-02-2019, 01:49 AM
RE: Breaking Pattern - by Furious - 27-02-2019, 01:58 AM
RE: Breaking Pattern - by Furious - 28-02-2019, 02:37 AM
RE: Breaking Pattern - by Furious - 01-03-2019, 07:11 AM
RE: Breaking Pattern - by Furious - 02-03-2019, 03:57 AM
RE: Breaking Pattern - by Furious - 03-03-2019, 07:38 AM
RE: Breaking Pattern - by LewB - 04-03-2019, 12:32 AM
RE: Breaking Pattern - by Furious - 04-03-2019, 08:41 AM
RE: Breaking Pattern - by Furious - 04-03-2019, 08:32 PM
RE: Breaking Pattern - by Furious - 05-03-2019, 08:28 AM
RE: Breaking Pattern - by Furious - 05-03-2019, 09:06 PM
RE: Breaking Pattern - by Furious - 06-03-2019, 10:06 AM
RE: Breaking Pattern - by Furious - 06-03-2019, 09:27 PM
RE: Breaking Pattern - by Furious - 07-03-2019, 09:08 AM
RE: Breaking Pattern - by Furious - 07-03-2019, 09:52 PM
RE: Breaking Pattern - by Furious - 08-03-2019, 03:36 PM
RE: Breaking Pattern - by Furious - 08-03-2019, 05:54 PM
RE: Breaking Pattern - by Furious - 08-03-2019, 06:08 PM
RE: Breaking Pattern - by Furious - 08-03-2019, 10:26 PM
RE: Breaking Pattern - by Furious - 09-03-2019, 01:45 PM
RE: Breaking Pattern - by Chris_b - 09-03-2019, 02:33 PM
RE: Breaking Pattern - by shoebox - 09-03-2019, 02:41 PM
RE: Breaking Pattern - by Furious - 09-03-2019, 05:50 PM

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