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Can't resist the adrenaline rush
I have been gambling for nearly 20 years now. My wife (girlfriend at the time) first told me I had a problem about 15 years ago and made me count up what I had lost (many £xx) and I said I would stop. I did for a while but then found myself lured back in again, starting off small and then getting bigger. I confessed to my wife as it got out of hand (again) about 5 years ago and put 5 year blocks, purchased Gamban for my phone and laptop and that worked until just a few months ago when I logged onto Sky for this Super 6 game I play and realised that my block had ended (and having changed phones Gamban was no longer installed). 
I was going through a bit of a tough time at home, and it looked like we weren't going to be moving as our house was up for sale and it had all gone quiet. With the realisation that we would be stuck in our current house for another year, no mortgage company going to need to look at my bank account and the block ending I succumbed and setup a new account.
As I earn pretty good money now I could afford some losses so would just put in £xx here and there, but also make withdrawals to stop my account building up too much (on the winning streaks) so that I never fell back and started gambling £xx again. I had that part under some control but without realising I was spending huge amounts of time gambling (sneaking off in private to place another flurry of bets) as I discovered the exchange. And I would lay against favourites in horses/ greyhounds as these were happening so often. Then my wife caught me hiding something one night, I gave her my phone and she found the betting app and rightfully lost it. Ironically I had been on a long winning run so had built up some funds as well as making withdrawals and that was what annoyed me at first. However as she trawled through and saw how many bets (£xx a day) it dawned on me that it was taking over my life again, and potentially ruining it and others around me at the same time. 
For her, it wasn't the gambling but the lying and hiding of it that upset her the most. I have never felt guilt like it, and for the first time in our relationship I actually looked at myself and thought why does she put up with me. I'd hate me if I found out something like that so how must she feel. We have 4 kids that I have risked because of gambling, in addition to a loving and supportive wife. I have closed the account and again blocked and locked everything out. We are going to try and move house again this year so I know for the short term I can do this, once we finally move I fear another battle or temptation may come but my wife just keeps on telling me to be honest and tell her how I feel so we can try and get through this.
She is not a fan of counselling but I felt posting here might at least help me get something off my chest.

Messages In This Thread
Can't resist the adrenaline rush - by MWcam - 02-01-2020, 12:23 PM
RE: Can't resist the adrenaline rush - by Simmo - 03-01-2020, 12:28 PM

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