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My addictions and obsessions were a form of escaping people life and situations.
#2
Hi

The addictions and obsessions only indicated how emotionally vulnerable I was.

I was far from weak, I had suffered many forms of abuse and due to the pains of my past my fears grew in me.

The risk taking caused an adrenaline rush in me which sadly I got in to thinking was fun and happiness.

Also the risk taking also indicated that I did not value myself hence I could not value other people.

I am a non religious person, even though I had a conscience I could not stop myself from hurting myself and other people.

Thinking that a really big win would undo the pains I did to myself and the pains I did to other people.

Anger was a very unhealthy reaction to my pains I could not heal.

Anger was a very unhealthy reaction to my fears I could not face.

Anger was a very unhealthy reaction to my frustrations due to my unreasonable expectations of people life and situations.

By me having unreasonable expectations of people life and situations I was effect hurting myself and causing myself more pains.

I understand that nothing I can do or say will change other people to become heathy or take the recovery program seriously.

No matter time since my last bet the most important day is today.

My direction and my focus in being and becoming healthier I am more focused on my needs my wants and my goals.

I use to hear certain people say that they did not have enough hours in the day, I use to think what a load of crap.

At this time in my life I think I do not have enough hours in the day.

I am now 74 years of age, I push my body in to getting things doe that I am able to do.

If I do not try I am cheating myself.

Every thing I do has a reward one way or another.

Every day I feel I have a full healthy life, I have clarity on my needs my wants and my goals.

On walking in to recovery my fears were 10 out of 10.

Now my fears are less than 2 out of 10

I use to fear failure, I use to fear the opposite sex, I use to fear paying the taxes, I use to fear the dentist, I use to fear letting people know when I was vulnerable, I use to fear being honest, I use to fear emotional intimacy, I use to fear letting go of control issues, I use to fear talking about my fantasies, I use to fear talking about my dreams, I use to fear losing my job, I use to fear Mondays going back to work, I use to fear coming back from holidays, I use to fear trusting myself and other people.

For me today I do not gamble, today I exchange an unhealthy habit in to healthy habits.

It takes time for people to see or understand how recovery works, some people have gone to meeting for months with out talking and that is a good thing, because one day a time comes where people talk things out.

I have now been married for over fifty years and I am not sure why my wife Shirley stayed with me.

I know that in my recovery as I became healthier my control issues reduced, and as I got healthier my wife had no reason to fear me any more.

Being in the recovery program I learned to love myself, and over time I learned to love other people.

Being in the recovery program I learned to respect myself, and over time I learned to respect other people.

Being in the recovery program I learned to be more patient and tolerant with myself, and over time I learned to more patient and tolerant with other people.

Being impatient and intolerant with myself only indicated how hard and cruel I was on myself.

Please take your recovery very seriously, once you give up your unhealthy habits you will have so much more value in your self your life and others.

Each time we go back to our addiction helps us understand what our last emotional trigger was.

Love and peace to every one.

Dave L

AKA Dave of Beckenham
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RE: My addictions and obsessions were a form of escaping people life and situations. - by gadaveuk - 08-07-2021, 05:01 AM

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