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I am a waste of space

I have read some of these stories and there are so many similar issues that I recognise and I feel a complete and utter waste of space to be where I am today.

I am happily married with a young kiddy and have always worked hard plus have been lucky to have a decent job but over the last 25 years+ I have frittered away a ridiculous amount of money on gambling and its a nightmare.

My wife is aware I have had betting issues in the past and i have had to have consolidation loans so many times to get me out the mess the last time I confessed to her what had happened and she stood by me and tried to resolve but wanted me to get specialist help........

Oh no I can do it my way I thought "I will just stop i dont want to lose you" well it worked for a while i got straight - and then one day god knows why?? I ventured in again i am so bloody compulsive and addicted to it I hate myself...

Result I then start chasing the losses and debt trying to get straight and yet again I get myself into a right old mess.

So much of my life was good but I despair at what an idiot I have been...

I really do have the best intentions with my family but I screw it up each and every time and my wife and young girl just dont deserve this lot.

I look around at other families and they pay for holidays and nice cars out of savings yet over the years some of ours have been as a result of a horse winning, and others have been on credit due to the salary being wasted and again I am now chasing my tail.

Mortgage is way way higher than it should have been and i can pay it and my other dues but the pressure to not let the family down I feel is terrible.

Ive even looked at what I am worth dead and a few times I have seriously considered long and hard ways I could go through with it, thankfully a day or so later I snap out of it and think dont be stupid creating more problems for others.

Trouble is for a job in sales I have to talk to my clients openly and honestly but I fing ot so difficult to do it with my wife i just struggle even though she has never given me a moments hassle in my life - again its because of my failures.

One day I wish you could be just be magically cured of this addiction as my life and my families would be so much better.

I am looking to go to a GA very soon probably on Monday next week my nearest date to see if I can start curing my addiction properly once and for all as I cant continue like this thats for sure. I really dont want it to effect my family more than it already does by me not being able to look after them even better than I do.

I have a question though do partners ever go to GA as support or are they only the addicted gamblers in same boat as me??

Messages In This Thread
I am a waste of space - by the big fella - 15-05-2010, 07:16 AM
Re: I am a waste of space - by Guest - 16-05-2010, 06:20 AM
Re: I am a waste of space - by Guest - 16-05-2010, 07:07 AM
Re: I am a waste of space - by the big fella - 16-05-2010, 10:14 PM
Re: I am a waste of space - by the big fella - 06-12-2010, 03:12 PM

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