Let myself down.

[Guest]

i cant believe how selfish i am, i did it again today. but as i was doing it i was thinking this is not my money to do this with , its for food / bills / my children, and yet i still did it, what is wrong with me? i went on the evil online bingo and spent a lot for me, then i felt really down and asked my husband to look after the children while i went to get them some ice cream , jumped in the car , straight to the amustment arcade in , then as i was feeling totally at a loss, came back and went on the bingo again, im up , cant sleep cant even attempt to go to bed. i dont know what or why.

iv just paid for the gambling blocker installed it. i dont want to do this, im fed up of feeling like this, im so angry with myself , and holding back my tears, not for me , for what iv done to my unknowing family. I cant hate myself anymore than i do.

im hoping this blocker is going to help, im cancelling my cards and im not going to ask them to send any replacements, if i need the money il go in the bank for what i need. Im hoping this will work. i want to count the gambling free days , this is the first time iv put things into perspective and had some kind of plan. Please god help me