30-05-2010, 05:11 PM
Hi, I'm 28 yrs old and have been gambling in some form from around the age of 14, dazzled by the bright lights of bandits or simple coin flipping games. I would think nothing of losing the money I had worked all week for in a matter of minutes. On nights out at the weekend, when i started working, i would spend all night on the bandits to the annoyance of my friends and my then girlfriend, lying about the amounts i won and asking them to lend me money constantly. I look back now in embarrassment and disgust with how i treated them and how i took them for granted, mad when they refused to lend me more money when i was convinced the next spin would get me back even. It brings tears to my eyes when i think how many times my loving mum has bailed me out and the amount of times i have used her leniency to my advantage. I'm a constant disappoinment to myself and the people close to me. I hate the person i have become. I don't gamble every day - i never have. My problem is when i do gamble, i cant stop.I discovered online roulette and could gamble in my own home, away from the embarrassment i felt whilst losing in front of others. To start with i won big - weekends away and designer clothes. I saw how happy this made her and when i lost, i tried justifying the gambling by reminding her of the good times we had, resenting her for been ungrateful. I know now that they are the classic signs: blaming others and trying to justifying my actions. I decided not to be completely honest about the amounts i'd lost or borrowed from my mum to replace money from my account, lying to the person i love and who trusted me with her heart. It brings tears to my eyes now when i see her lovingly smile at me, knowing she doesnt know the true person i am - she trusts me completely. I've now accepted i have a problem - maybe i've always known, but its only now i truly want to tackle this evil 'illness' before it ruins my life and i lose the ones i hold close to me. I've read the other posts and i realise i'm lucky enough to have people around me to help and i'm truly blessed for that. i know its not going to be easy but i'll take it one day at a time. They say admission is the hardest part. Reading other peoples' stories and relating to others helped me realise my problems and i thank you all for sharing.