08-07-2010, 04:21 PM
Hi All,
I am in desperate need of advice, help or any support that you could possibly tell me in regards my situation. I am a girlfriend of a CG. We have just recently brought a house and live as a family (my partner, me, my daughter (his sd) who is 5 and me 18 weeks pregnant. My partner has been card gambling for numerous of years before we met, however, it finally came to light approx. 2 years ago. He plays cards at someone's house (I will say people he knows but not friends), where he can walk in with no money and open a tab. He disappears every 2/3 months for a few hours, then comes home for money as he 'owes' it them. This will go on for approx. 2 nights and will come back about 3 /4 times within those nights and wake me up for money, whether we have it or not. He has also put his parents through this just to get this money he either 'owes' them or whether this is to carry on gambling when he loses to get it back. If I say that within the last what 6 months, this has happened approx. 3 times and we can now say the sum that he has gambled away is thousands, of which me and his parents have had to scramble together as well as his wages to get him out of this. It then got to the stage where I told him there was no more and his parents did, he had no where to go and tried to take his own life as he didn't know which way to turn. Through this he received counselling and was under some dr's and as always vowed never to do it again, low and behold since that incident in February, he has done it twice. He has gone to friends, family for money, next door neighbours, stole from me and apparently in the early stages his parents. At the beginning I gave him the money in the hope it would stop. I eventually started getting angry because I couldn't understand why he was doing this when he was destroying everything in his life. I eventually broke down and went to get some counselling to support me and really to see how I could go about supporting his addiction. I had to say no to anymore money, cut off his supplies to cash so no more avenues, hold his finances, (of which I have done as his mother always did), so he doesn't spend more than required. Of all which I have done. However, he finally did it again and the last two weeks have been hell - it has taken to pay off this debt and me telling him to go - he says there is no more and wants to get the help support for his addiction as he knows that this is killing me and our relationship. Thats if it hasn't already. The worst thing is, its like a light switch when it happens, he is in his own bubble when coming back and needing money as he is so scared of these people, (who have now followed him back home for this debt and threatened to deal with me and his parents), yet when this money is paid off you kno it is because the switch turns back on to reality! Its strange. I don't know whether to cut my losses to ensure that me and kids are okay going forward, especially as I am half way through my pregnancy and really do not need this, and with my little girl, well don't want her in this situation OOOOORRRRR do I try and actively continue to support him through this and push for the help etc he needs. Please could any of you who has been in his shoes and my shoes just let me know your thoughts, comments to help us through - whether we are together or not. I am at my wits end and well... last chance saloon for us I think. I don't want it to be as I love him so very much but I have two precious children to think about and keeping a roof over our heads. He is a lovely person the majority of the time, but when he gets into what he does.... 'his own world' then its all over. Sorry for going on but well any advice / help / support would help. Thanks Dollybird.
I am in desperate need of advice, help or any support that you could possibly tell me in regards my situation. I am a girlfriend of a CG. We have just recently brought a house and live as a family (my partner, me, my daughter (his sd) who is 5 and me 18 weeks pregnant. My partner has been card gambling for numerous of years before we met, however, it finally came to light approx. 2 years ago. He plays cards at someone's house (I will say people he knows but not friends), where he can walk in with no money and open a tab. He disappears every 2/3 months for a few hours, then comes home for money as he 'owes' it them. This will go on for approx. 2 nights and will come back about 3 /4 times within those nights and wake me up for money, whether we have it or not. He has also put his parents through this just to get this money he either 'owes' them or whether this is to carry on gambling when he loses to get it back. If I say that within the last what 6 months, this has happened approx. 3 times and we can now say the sum that he has gambled away is thousands, of which me and his parents have had to scramble together as well as his wages to get him out of this. It then got to the stage where I told him there was no more and his parents did, he had no where to go and tried to take his own life as he didn't know which way to turn. Through this he received counselling and was under some dr's and as always vowed never to do it again, low and behold since that incident in February, he has done it twice. He has gone to friends, family for money, next door neighbours, stole from me and apparently in the early stages his parents. At the beginning I gave him the money in the hope it would stop. I eventually started getting angry because I couldn't understand why he was doing this when he was destroying everything in his life. I eventually broke down and went to get some counselling to support me and really to see how I could go about supporting his addiction. I had to say no to anymore money, cut off his supplies to cash so no more avenues, hold his finances, (of which I have done as his mother always did), so he doesn't spend more than required. Of all which I have done. However, he finally did it again and the last two weeks have been hell - it has taken to pay off this debt and me telling him to go - he says there is no more and wants to get the help support for his addiction as he knows that this is killing me and our relationship. Thats if it hasn't already. The worst thing is, its like a light switch when it happens, he is in his own bubble when coming back and needing money as he is so scared of these people, (who have now followed him back home for this debt and threatened to deal with me and his parents), yet when this money is paid off you kno it is because the switch turns back on to reality! Its strange. I don't know whether to cut my losses to ensure that me and kids are okay going forward, especially as I am half way through my pregnancy and really do not need this, and with my little girl, well don't want her in this situation OOOOORRRRR do I try and actively continue to support him through this and push for the help etc he needs. Please could any of you who has been in his shoes and my shoes just let me know your thoughts, comments to help us through - whether we are together or not. I am at my wits end and well... last chance saloon for us I think. I don't want it to be as I love him so very much but I have two precious children to think about and keeping a roof over our heads. He is a lovely person the majority of the time, but when he gets into what he does.... 'his own world' then its all over. Sorry for going on but well any advice / help / support would help. Thanks Dollybird.