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I dont wanna go back to that way of life..
Hi my name is Joshua, I'm 20yrs old and I know that I am a compulsive gambler..

I started gambling from a very young age.. My dad used to be a bookmaker.. My parents got divorced a log time ago, as my mother left my dad due to the gambling. She couldn't stand living with a gambler.. They now live in different cities..

I remember taking my first bet in my dads company.. It was a losing one.. Thereafter, I had another bet a few months later, again in my dads' company.. Unfortunately, this was a winning bet.. Little did I know, that this bet, would create a living hell for me, and create mountains of apparenlty insolvable problems.. It was after this bet, that I was hooked..

I continued gambling for a few more years, till when I was about 15, and my mother caught me.. I was greeted with a hard slap to the back of my head.. All hell broke loose.. I had to sleep at an aunts place that night.. Anyways this trend continued, for a few more years.. My gambling addiction took complete controll of my life.. It turned me into a monster..! I began to lie more frequenlty, and resorted to theft from freinds and family, in order to finance my next bet.. I started missing school about 3 times a week in my final year, just so I could be @ the bookies from morning to night..

it was about 15 months ago, where I was brought to the lowest point in my enitire life.. I considered suiced.. Thats basically when I confessed everyting to my mother.. I told her about everything I had been doing.. She was in shock- That I was gambling for the last 3 yrs behind her back..

Anyways, I got referred to some counsellor for a few sessions, and I then had another slip.. I then joined Gamblers Anonymous, where I remained gambling free for just over a year (which I celebrated about 2 months ago)

However, I had another slip, while visitng my father.. I really felt like I was a complete failure.. Like I had let everone down.. My mother found out.. She didn't want me back in her life.. I had broken the trust again.. She was going to send my clothes and my belongings to where I was staying.. Other family members tried to reason with her.. After a few days, she agreed to give me one more chance..

I have been given a final chance at life.. I dont want to go back to gambling.. I pray each day, that God gives me the power to stay gambling free.. As of today I am 1 month and 14 days gambling free.. Its not the quantity of ones' recover, but rather the quality.. I really hope I dont go back to the gambling way of life, but I'm also constatntly living in fear, that I will have another slip.. I still cant work out why, I had a slip after 1 year..

But I know that I have to be in gamblers anonymous, today, tomorrow and forever.. And I just hope that god grants me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, COURAGE to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference..

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I dont wanna go back to that way of life.. - by Guest - 26-08-2010, 08:18 PM

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