28-09-2010, 12:35 AM
Hello, I have had problems gambling for around ten years now. I tend to go through particularly harsh times before I realise that gambling creates misery for me and my family. I've come onto this site tonight for the very first time in my life, and after just experiencing losing a lot of money. It's time I did something about it, once and for all.
I began gambling on football matches when I was younger and had a similar problem as a few other posters on here in that initially I won some money.
I have gambled on everything throughout the ten years - starting with fruit machines, moving onto football, racing, casinos, online casinos, TV roulette, poker etc.
I loved the feeling of winning so much, that even when I lost more than I'd won, as long as I had that winning feeling, it was okay.
Two and a half years ago I had a long term partner who I loved more than anyone else in the world. We had a wonderful relationship until I spent our mortgage money on TV roulette one night whilst she was out of the house. It was all we had and I panicked about losing her. I was so ashamed about what I'd done but didn't know where to turn to, for the first time in my life, I comtemplated suicide. I took the car out and drove, and am still not sure where, hoping that I would crash and die or looking for somewhere to do it. When I returned home my partner was still out. I decided to try and hang myself from the loft and although it scares me to say it, I sat there for ten minutes ready to lower myself down the hatch suspended by the roof joists. Luckily I couldn't go through with it, and didn't want my partner to find me like that so didn't. Instead I contacted my mum and explained everything. She immediately came around to the house, and contacted my partner. I was a mess and two weeks later, my partner left me.
Periodically I have really bad moments gambling. Tonight I have gambled all of my monthly wage away on Poker after only being paid a week ago. It's the most depressing and miserable I've felt since that night right now, I just want to stop. I have an addicative personality and don't trust myself to gamble anything anymore. I intend to go to a meeting tomorrow night and tell my family about the problems I yet again have in order for them to understand and support me as best they can. I know ultimately though, that it's up to me.
I began gambling on football matches when I was younger and had a similar problem as a few other posters on here in that initially I won some money.
I have gambled on everything throughout the ten years - starting with fruit machines, moving onto football, racing, casinos, online casinos, TV roulette, poker etc.
I loved the feeling of winning so much, that even when I lost more than I'd won, as long as I had that winning feeling, it was okay.
Two and a half years ago I had a long term partner who I loved more than anyone else in the world. We had a wonderful relationship until I spent our mortgage money on TV roulette one night whilst she was out of the house. It was all we had and I panicked about losing her. I was so ashamed about what I'd done but didn't know where to turn to, for the first time in my life, I comtemplated suicide. I took the car out and drove, and am still not sure where, hoping that I would crash and die or looking for somewhere to do it. When I returned home my partner was still out. I decided to try and hang myself from the loft and although it scares me to say it, I sat there for ten minutes ready to lower myself down the hatch suspended by the roof joists. Luckily I couldn't go through with it, and didn't want my partner to find me like that so didn't. Instead I contacted my mum and explained everything. She immediately came around to the house, and contacted my partner. I was a mess and two weeks later, my partner left me.
Periodically I have really bad moments gambling. Tonight I have gambled all of my monthly wage away on Poker after only being paid a week ago. It's the most depressing and miserable I've felt since that night right now, I just want to stop. I have an addicative personality and don't trust myself to gamble anything anymore. I intend to go to a meeting tomorrow night and tell my family about the problems I yet again have in order for them to understand and support me as best they can. I know ultimately though, that it's up to me.