03-05-2011, 09:59 AM
Hi all, my name is nick and I have gambled for the last 26 years...
I have posted on here a couple of years ago that I was at rock bottom and going back to GA but after going for a few months (and not gambling) I then stopped going to the meetings and surprise, surprise gambled again. It has been a horrible 2 years and I am again in a lot of debt with credit cards. I have the most amazing wife and 2 beautiful kids and have risked again losing everything good in my life - when I am gambling I do not think of anything or anyone and just hell bent on getting cash and gambling. Knowing full well I will never win and hating every minute of it - then doing it all again and again..a lonely, sad, pathetic excuse for a life. I have been bankrupt before through gambling but that wasn't enough to stop. By accident my wife found out on thursday april 21st (found my scribblings of what I owed and when I had to try and make minimum payments) and I had to confess that despite promising her I was not gambling I had been for the last 2 years. First of all she asked me to leave which shook me to my bones and I begged to stay for one last chance (I have had so many of them before) and at the moment I am still here and we are trying to get through this together. I feel awful what I have done to her and my children and I know this time I am going to GA for the rest of my life. I believe last time I gave up going to the meetings because I still wanted to gamble - I thought "it would be different this time around" or "this time I will win and won't get into the same mess as last time" or "just bet on golf and football" ! How wrong and stupid that was. Being a compulsive gambler will always be the same life - horrible. Lying, cheating, dis-honest, etc, etc. I went back to GA on the sunday and following tuesday and will go again tonight and looking forward to saying "last gambled on April 20th" and its been a good week. The Swindon GA guys are fantastic (as with all areas) and this time around I will speak / text people to see if they are okay and tell them how I feel, this is something I didn't do last time. I have been to GA 5/6 times on and off over the last 14 years and this time I will make sure I do not get complacent or think I am getting nothing out of the meetings. My wages are now being paid into the joint account and my wife will control the finances (she is happy with this) and I have also spoken to citizen advice. I guess the most important message I want to give here is if you have a gambling problem and want to stop then you have to go to GA - you cannot do it alone. Also if you go and stay clean for months and slip up then get back to a meeting asap - don't leave it as I did. And for anyone who thinks "I might try gambling one more time as it cannot be as bad or I cannot be as unlucky" BELIEVE me it will always be the same !!!! It is a life I do not want anymore and I will not let gambling ruin one more day of my life or my wife and childrens. I am looking forward and not back, I accept I cannot change the past but can sure change the present and the future. I have stayed away from all odds / TV and working on an allotment amongst other things (it is important to fill the space that gambling took up) and keep busy. I have one last chance of a fantastic life with my family and friends and will not blow it this time. I take one day at a time and say to myself in the mirror "just for today I will not gamble". My name is Nick and I am a compulsive gambler, good luck to you all and we should realise how lucky we are to have GA there when we need it.
I have posted on here a couple of years ago that I was at rock bottom and going back to GA but after going for a few months (and not gambling) I then stopped going to the meetings and surprise, surprise gambled again. It has been a horrible 2 years and I am again in a lot of debt with credit cards. I have the most amazing wife and 2 beautiful kids and have risked again losing everything good in my life - when I am gambling I do not think of anything or anyone and just hell bent on getting cash and gambling. Knowing full well I will never win and hating every minute of it - then doing it all again and again..a lonely, sad, pathetic excuse for a life. I have been bankrupt before through gambling but that wasn't enough to stop. By accident my wife found out on thursday april 21st (found my scribblings of what I owed and when I had to try and make minimum payments) and I had to confess that despite promising her I was not gambling I had been for the last 2 years. First of all she asked me to leave which shook me to my bones and I begged to stay for one last chance (I have had so many of them before) and at the moment I am still here and we are trying to get through this together. I feel awful what I have done to her and my children and I know this time I am going to GA for the rest of my life. I believe last time I gave up going to the meetings because I still wanted to gamble - I thought "it would be different this time around" or "this time I will win and won't get into the same mess as last time" or "just bet on golf and football" ! How wrong and stupid that was. Being a compulsive gambler will always be the same life - horrible. Lying, cheating, dis-honest, etc, etc. I went back to GA on the sunday and following tuesday and will go again tonight and looking forward to saying "last gambled on April 20th" and its been a good week. The Swindon GA guys are fantastic (as with all areas) and this time around I will speak / text people to see if they are okay and tell them how I feel, this is something I didn't do last time. I have been to GA 5/6 times on and off over the last 14 years and this time I will make sure I do not get complacent or think I am getting nothing out of the meetings. My wages are now being paid into the joint account and my wife will control the finances (she is happy with this) and I have also spoken to citizen advice. I guess the most important message I want to give here is if you have a gambling problem and want to stop then you have to go to GA - you cannot do it alone. Also if you go and stay clean for months and slip up then get back to a meeting asap - don't leave it as I did. And for anyone who thinks "I might try gambling one more time as it cannot be as bad or I cannot be as unlucky" BELIEVE me it will always be the same !!!! It is a life I do not want anymore and I will not let gambling ruin one more day of my life or my wife and childrens. I am looking forward and not back, I accept I cannot change the past but can sure change the present and the future. I have stayed away from all odds / TV and working on an allotment amongst other things (it is important to fill the space that gambling took up) and keep busy. I have one last chance of a fantastic life with my family and friends and will not blow it this time. I take one day at a time and say to myself in the mirror "just for today I will not gamble". My name is Nick and I am a compulsive gambler, good luck to you all and we should realise how lucky we are to have GA there when we need it.