06-05-2011, 12:01 AM
Scott,
I had not read your post till now and thanks for laying all bear. I really do believe that insecurity and whats happens in our childhood can effect this desease greater. I let my mother read my post a few weeks ago and she cried as she read, I know why she cried as she felt she never helped me, she did by her love.
Like you I have seen people to address my issues because I really didnt couple all of my issues purely and simply down to one solitary thing, ie being a compulsive gambler.
I sypathise with anyone who is a child to a compulsive gambler, because I know the person that gambling made me. For me it was very very different, indeed. When I was young everyone liked me but for my father I was always wrong and I often believed he didnt love me at all.
I grew up very very insecure as my parents wathched as I was savaged by a dog at three years old, from that day my relationship with my father was very tough.
My father will never admit some things that happened in my life, but I cannot change those things or times. I was always wrong in everything I did, culminating in being dumped on my own at 17yrs old to fend for himself.
I like you found a path of destruction to mask my internal feelings of insecurity and issues. I however have found a "New Life" brought to me by the realisation that I am not wrong, That GA is a path I can take and most importantly I am able to admit my failings.
I dont wish this illness on any man or woman and I certainly used to look at others and think how "simple" there lives are with the love and support family gave to them.
However in my time now of total abstinence I have found a slightly new direction in my character brought around by some of the 12 steps. One of the greatest feelings I can ever share true from my heart now is that I do not blame anyone for anything that happened, because hopefully with GA and living my life "one day at a time" I have realised totally who I am and I am no longer afraid and no longer resent.
Good news for all...I hope is last weekend I got down on one knee and asked my GF who knows my past to marry me, she said yes, we have some issues to deal with but I know she loves me for the real me, not the one masking his life surrounded by a false world.
To say "gambling was the only place I felt safe" was an under statement for me...because it was. But today I feel safe outside in the real world that can be a beautiful place.
I dont know if I will prosper, I dont know if I will succeed, I can only however hope today I do not gamble.
Thankyou Scott..I hope life continues to bring you what you deserve.
My name is barrie and I am a compulsive gambler.
TC
B
I had not read your post till now and thanks for laying all bear. I really do believe that insecurity and whats happens in our childhood can effect this desease greater. I let my mother read my post a few weeks ago and she cried as she read, I know why she cried as she felt she never helped me, she did by her love.
Like you I have seen people to address my issues because I really didnt couple all of my issues purely and simply down to one solitary thing, ie being a compulsive gambler.
I sypathise with anyone who is a child to a compulsive gambler, because I know the person that gambling made me. For me it was very very different, indeed. When I was young everyone liked me but for my father I was always wrong and I often believed he didnt love me at all.
I grew up very very insecure as my parents wathched as I was savaged by a dog at three years old, from that day my relationship with my father was very tough.
My father will never admit some things that happened in my life, but I cannot change those things or times. I was always wrong in everything I did, culminating in being dumped on my own at 17yrs old to fend for himself.
I like you found a path of destruction to mask my internal feelings of insecurity and issues. I however have found a "New Life" brought to me by the realisation that I am not wrong, That GA is a path I can take and most importantly I am able to admit my failings.
I dont wish this illness on any man or woman and I certainly used to look at others and think how "simple" there lives are with the love and support family gave to them.
However in my time now of total abstinence I have found a slightly new direction in my character brought around by some of the 12 steps. One of the greatest feelings I can ever share true from my heart now is that I do not blame anyone for anything that happened, because hopefully with GA and living my life "one day at a time" I have realised totally who I am and I am no longer afraid and no longer resent.
Good news for all...I hope is last weekend I got down on one knee and asked my GF who knows my past to marry me, she said yes, we have some issues to deal with but I know she loves me for the real me, not the one masking his life surrounded by a false world.
To say "gambling was the only place I felt safe" was an under statement for me...because it was. But today I feel safe outside in the real world that can be a beautiful place.
I dont know if I will prosper, I dont know if I will succeed, I can only however hope today I do not gamble.
Thankyou Scott..I hope life continues to bring you what you deserve.
My name is barrie and I am a compulsive gambler.
TC
B