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Understanding Step one and step two.
#1
My name is Dave of Beckenham. I am a compulsive Gambler! Today my pains from my past are being nurtured and healed, my fears willingly faced and frustrations resolved by accepting the understanding of the serenity wisdom and I live a much healthier spiritual life today, I am healthier and stronger in myself than ever before in my life simply JUST one day at a time.

Step one is about surrender that I was beaten and could not be win, and it had nothing to do about the money, to surrender to the fact that every time I gambled I made things much worse, why did I think that money was the solution to my problems, I now understand that money would never resolve any of my emotional issues.

Yet often thought that money was a form of control and that money would bring me happiness, that money was away of buying material things and expressing my love and feelings towards other people.

I now understand that money gives me more choices once I have sufficient funds to cover my basic home needs, food heat shelter and home comforts.

Each time I gambled I was told that I had not accepted step one, which would cause more questions than answers, is an excuse to gamble, or were there some emotions or feelings I could not cope with.

If I used to think that my life is a manageable because of the money problems generated by my gambling addiction, and over time I would understand how I felt just before I gambled, and understanding my feelings would help me understand when I was vulnerable and what my emotional were.

In time I would learn if that I could not cope emotionally well when I was in pain, when I was filled with fear, when I felt frustrated, when I felt lonely and isolated, when I was bored.

I learned if that when I got angry it was due to feelings of pain fear or frustrations, yet I would learn that often I would react like a little a child.

All the time I was reacting in anger, resentfully, vengefully, guilt shame indicated that I was living in the pains of the past.

If I was living in the pains of the past told me that I was not healing my pains in a healthy way.

All the time I was living in fear indicated that I was not facing my fears, that I was not willing to face the worst that could happen, and once I was willing to face the worst that could happen and it knowledge it I could do more with my life.

Step one is about acceptance, surrender, and understanding when life became a manageable it was not about the money for the gambling, it was about the fact I could not cope emotionally with feelings of pain fear frustrations loneliness or boredom.

In order to grasp recovery and grasp step one I needed to understand what my triggers were and when I felt most vulnerable emotionally.

Often people said but they escaped a gambling sadly they would not commit a hack fears, surely escape is fear based, and why could I not see and feel that fact.

Progress and healing is a slow process and often people will want to jump from step one to step 12 in a very quick time sadly they cheat themselves.

Step two for me come to believe was about people demonstrating by their actions spiritual values which were lost with me, I was born with spiritual values, unconditional honesty, unconditional giving of myself, unconditional trust, and I was also born fearless.

It was not enough for me that people talked about spiritual values it was important that people in the rooms demonstrated honesty fearlessness compassion caring and respect.

Step one is about understanding how to surrender, how to accept and understand that every time I gambled was unhealthy and that I hurt myself and others, to understand that life being a manageable was not about the money for the gambling but the fact that I could not cope emotionally with pain, I could not face my fears, and I didn’t understand that my frustrations were due to the fact that did not know my own limitations, that I took everybody else’s emotional issues on board, and finally the fact I had high expectations of other people around me.

Step two was difficult for me because I had given up all faith and hope in myself, even when I was given approval and recognition by other people I could not believe anything good about myself.

Step two was very much tied to understanding what spiritual values were and how important they were to have in healthy relationships with myself and other people.

So how do you get from having no faith or hope in yourself, to coming to believe in yourself and that you can achieve and progress towards a healthy way of living and feeling?

There is no easy option in the spiritual recovery program, I needed to learn to help myself, to value myself, and to put every affect into my recovery and become selfish and place myself first.

I have choices today which far extend beyond abstaining, the more effort I put into my recovery, the more choices and the better the relationships become.

Sitting on my hands doing nothing worrying was never a solution for a healthy way of resolving my deep seated emotional issues, doing nothing calls me to white knuckle recovery and the only person I was hurting and fighting was myself.

In theory if you could lock a person up in a room and stop them from unhealthy behavior sadly they will not progress in any way by doing nothing.

If understanding that every action has consequences is important, and progress causes confidence and pride in our self, and we come to believe in myself can our actions.

It is important to learn to give all self approval and recognition that we are doing a good job that is important to understand that every healthy action we do unconditionally we should feel good about ourselves.

For most of my life my actions were unhealthy and conditional, in living a conditional life I had expectations of others and was often disappointed.

I found today that everything I do is for me in a selfish way and I have no expectations of others, and I’m never disappointed.

One common explanation given in the recovery program is that a person’s pride gets in the way of people’s recovery, this I found very confusing because simply on arriving in the recovery program I had no pride and if anything felt less than dog crap.

There was no pride in me, so how could pride adversely affect my recovery, it made no sense.

I now understand that aggression and confrontation was a person transferring their unhealed pains unresolved fears and frustrations on to other people which sadly affect the relationships people have with each other.

When I get angry the person I adversely affected myself, how long would it take me to learn this simple fact.

Spiritual for me is not about religion but was having healthy interactions with myself and with all other people.

Love and peace to everyone.

Dave of Beckenham
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Messages In This Thread
Understanding Step one and step two. - by Guest - 24-05-2011, 07:47 PM
Re: Understanding Step one and step two. - by Guest - 29-05-2011, 02:01 PM
Re: Understanding Step one and step two. - by Guest - 05-07-2011, 03:14 PM
Re: Understanding Step one and step two. - by Paula - 06-07-2011, 11:52 AM
Re: Understanding Step one and step two. - by Guest - 11-07-2011, 08:16 AM
Re: Understanding Step one and step two. - by Guest - 19-09-2011, 06:59 AM
Re: Understanding Step one and step two. - by Guest - 25-11-2011, 07:08 PM
Re: Understanding Step one and step two. - by Guest - 27-11-2011, 05:56 PM
Re: Understanding Step one and step two. - by Guest - 09-12-2011, 05:07 PM
Re: Understanding Step one and step two. - by Guest - 16-12-2011, 04:53 AM
Re: Understanding Step one and step two. - by Guest - 16-12-2011, 06:31 PM
Re: Understanding Step one and step two. - by Guest - 16-12-2011, 06:34 PM

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