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It's messing with my mind
#1
Having not gambled since February, I have relapsed again and this time I believe I have ruined it. This time hurts more than ever.

Last month, I borrowed money from my mum to purchase a new car and promised to pay her back in instalments each month when I get paid.

Fridays are my days off. It was around 3pm and I was bored and the thought of playing slots entered into my mind. I work full time and lost my wages for the month where I was only paid a few days ago. Remarkably, I made all the money back the next day whilst playing online poker and withdrew all the money.

Yesterday I got home from work and had nothing to do. I had a few hours to spare and I was in my room as opposed to watching TV like I usually do on Sundays. Instead, I went on my computer – still high on the day before. I had the urge to gamble, I watched a few hands being played and decided to reverse the withdrawal I made yesterday.

Needless to say, I lost all the money. Now I can’t afford to pay my mum back and I am so angry. Several times I managed to get my money back. I got greedy and didn’t know when to stop. When I was losing, I kept chasing the losses and found it impossible to leave without losing all my money and wanted to make my money back which made me go all in several times. I am angrier than ever as I really can’t afford to gamble and I have already amassed a large debt.

Beside losing money that I really cannot afford, I needed to take it out on someone and came up with reasons on why I lost regardless of how remote the ideas were. I was fuming and wanted to beat up my daughter to release that anger. She had done nothing wrong, doesn’t know of my addition but I wanted to take it out on someone that would be easy to take out on.

I know that in my mind I’m messed up and I want to stop thinking this way. I’m really fed up with having no money and feel that I’m too stubborn to have money as I feel the need to spend it all and I have no understanding of saving.
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Messages In This Thread
It's messing with my mind - by richardflemmings - 25-07-2011, 01:51 PM
Re: It's messing with my mind - by PatrickWes - 25-07-2011, 09:05 PM
Re: It's messing with my mind - by fu - 26-07-2011, 03:33 PM
Re: It's messing with my mind - by barrieexgambler - 30-07-2011, 03:42 AM

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