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New Member
My name is John and I am a compulsive gambler.

A couple of years back, I came clean with my wife about my problems. When I say "came clean", it was more of a case of leaving myself with no choice. I had used up my all my possible avenues of covering my gambling up (payday loans, been turned down for overdrafts by the bank etc) and had no other choice but to tell her the truth.
Obviously she was heartbroken, but I managed to talk her round and in the process, started going to a GA meeting not far from me.
This lasted for about 3 months. In that time I didn't gamble and even the thought of walking past a bookies, left me feeling queasy. A bit like the bloke that gets "cured" in that film Clockwork Orange, if anyone has seen it.

I stopped going to the meetings for a number of reasons. 1) I had a newborn daughter at home. 2) My father-in-law had just been diagnosed with cancer. 3) As I wasn't gambling, I thought it was "job done". Also, without blaming her for my addiction, my wife was still less than understanding towards my previous behaviour. She wasn't interested as to why I had been gambling in the first place. All that I needed know, was that "I had a daughter at home, stuff my problems".
I can't blame her for feeling this way, especially as she now had only a few months left with her dad.

In the meantime, I had still kept off the gambling, even reaching the 6 month point. And then it started all over again...

Fast forward 2 years and I am now in the same position. Only this time the result is more devastating.
I came clean on Monday and all over again, my wife's world has crashed in.
Where I've left myself unable to pay this month's bills, we are in big trouble. As for next month, the payday loans etc I took out this month, will be coming out of my wages. So basically for the next 2 months, I/we will have no money.
Because of this, we are going to lose the house and virtually everything. All the debts and loans we already have on the house (Mortgage, wedding loan etc), are not going to be paid and it will be a case of who get's there (our house) first.

My wife is currently on auto pilot. Yesterday the pain finally hit her and one minute wanted me out, but in the next breath changed her mind. But today she's already been putting items on an "online auctioning site" (ahem), been to the bank and is waiting in the queue at our local CAB. She is just trying to be rational and I really don't deserve her.

As for me, my revelation on Monday evening had major consequences. My wife had come home to an empty house, assuming I was at work. When she saw the note I had cowardly left in the kitchen for her, she went into a panic and reported me missing.
I had decided to go walkabout, switch my phone off and then re-appear at my local GA meeting after 2 years, which is what I did. Shortly after telling everyone my woes, I suffered the indignity of the old bill turning up at the meeting. How embarrassing was that? If being a gambler wasn't bad enough, having the police turn up for you like a teenage runaway was the ultmate shame.

But it will give me something to talk about at next week's meeting...
Because I will be back next week, not if it kills me, but before it kills me!!

I am not out the woods yet by a long way and have no idea what's ahead, but I need to start somewhere. I have been an irresponsible father and husband and am deeply ashamed at my behaviour. But I realise that only I can change my path in life, although I fear I will still lose my wife and daughter at some point. This damage is irrepairable and I won't be surprised if my wife has changed her mind on our marriage by the end of today.

Anyway thanks for reading....

Messages In This Thread
New Member - by Eroschenkodax - 17-08-2011, 02:24 PM
Re: New Member - by Eroschenkodax - 17-08-2011, 03:44 PM
Re: New Member - by Poster David - 17-08-2011, 04:18 PM
Re: New Member - by barrieexgambler - 18-08-2011, 12:05 AM
Re: New Member - by Eroschenkodax - 19-08-2011, 02:50 PM

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