Thread Rating:
  • 0 Vote(s) - 0 Average
  • 1
  • 2
  • 3
  • 4
  • 5
Open letter to a gambler.
#5
Hi Guest

Thank you for sharing your feelings and thoughts in a way that opened my eyes to how my partner must have felt 24 years ago when it all came out and then the time afterwards in recovery. I now realise from your words that it was all about me, my guilt, my self pity, my hell, my anguish, my disbelief, my shock, my pain, my tears, my anger, my problem and my recovery. It was all about me.

I was racked with guilt for what I had done to her but I had no real feelings. My gambling had taken away my feelings. I have since come to realise that gambling was an anastetic that supressed all feelings other than those few highs and many lows that came from my betting. When I told her I had lost my job because I had stolen money from my employers I shattered her dreams. We had only been in our new home 3 months but she had plans of how we would move up the property ladder every 5 years or so. I destroyed those plans.

Amazingly less than 4 months later we got married. We both later agreed that we should have delayed the marriage.

At my first 4 Open meetings I accepted my rewards for not gambling but each time my therapy did not include any reference to my Wife or her help in my recovery. I did not realise this until I stood up to collect my 5th year recognition. During this therapy I did say a big thank you to her and she responded by saying that she wanted to hear this previously but that it no longer mattered to her.

Until your posting I never really understood just how my me, me, me attitude would have affected her.

Even in recovery, despite learning that it is not all about me, I never put enough effort into our marriage. My recovery had to come first. Not suprisingly after nine and a half years she asked for a divorce. My gratitude for her for sticking with me during my weakest time was to grant her request with no hassle and no objections despite the fact that I still loved her and realy didn't want the marriage to end.

So in the end I was thoughtful towards her and had I been able to do that sooner we may still have been together today.

Your posting has brought all this back to me and for that I am grateful.

Take care


BDT
Reply


Messages In This Thread
Open letter to a gambler. - by Guest - 07-01-2012, 06:22 PM
Re: Open letter to a gambler. - by Knighty - 09-01-2012, 11:37 PM
Re: Open letter to a gambler. - by Guest - 10-01-2012, 04:31 PM
Re: Open letter to a gambler. - by smartie - 11-01-2012, 12:00 AM
Re: Open letter to a gambler. - by BDT - 14-01-2012, 02:18 PM

Forum Jump:


Users browsing this thread: 1 Guest(s)